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@doesnotcontain
so you know this?
it's on stuff now
redbubble | ko-fi

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WAIT HOLD ON I cannot fucking believe when I was like four years old my parents were cajoling me to walk with the family and trying to get me to keep up even though I kept insisting that I was "tired" until they took me to a doctor and found out my LUNGS DIDN'T WORK. how insane that we live in a world where reasonably loving parents think their FOUR YEAR OLD is trying to be LAZY. like they were mortified to be clear. adults are just so trained to ignore children's complaints as untrustworthy, kids just need discipline, they can't possibly speak for themselves. what the fuuuuck.
YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE BTW you should always be trying to take children seriously, especially very little ones but definitely all of them. the most disempowered class basically legally defined as property and most people are like "yeah that's good actually I hate when they Loiter lol they're stupid and loud and i actually think children should stop existing. restrict their personhood more actually"
âmy friend is ALWAYS sick and cancelling our plansâ it sounds like your friends life suuucks and you should check on them
what people donât understand about how adhd is disabling is that itâs not just getting temporarily distracted from, like, school work or hobbies. itâs getting distracted/being unable to motivate yourself to go to the doctor, eat regularly, do hygiene tasks, etc. itâs not knowing when or how long it will take you to do something, ANYTHING, and in many cases that thing is taking a shower or keeping your house from turning into a biohazard. itâs about being fundamentally incapable of controlling your attention and focus on anything, even and especially things you need to do to survive.
As summer is approaching, Iâd like to remind everyone that you are not entitled to ask someone to cover up their scars, self inflicted or not. I donât care if theyâre big, I donât care if theyâre noticeable, or purple, or all over their body, or what. You canât police peopleâs bodies.
This also goes for my friends with feeding tubes, ostomy bags, central lines and urinary catheters. People are allowed exist in bodies that stray from the expected norm.

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psa
no one fucking tells you this so here it is:
when signing out forms to apply for disability / filling out a form for diagnosis
youâre supposed to fill it out as you on your worst days
like, I filled out forms that said I could do most things usually
like, my doctor added in the conditions like âyeah, they can feed themselves when not stressedâ âthey can do this when not stressedâ
but how I should have filled it out was more like
âsome days I canât feed myselfâ âsome days I canât leave the houseâ
My doctor didnât even know this, but I talked to someone who had worked with people with both developmental and intellectual disabilities for a number of years, and she told me to write down how it is for your bad days
this should be a thing they tell you, but it isnât
part of the reason I didnât get my autism diagnosis as soon as I should have is because I filled out forms wrong!
This also goes for filling out forms for disabled parking rights. Iâve been rejected multiple times for a pass cause I didnât find this out till recently.
Also youâre generally supposed to fill it out as you are without help.
That throws me too. Because the more help I get, the more capable I get. Itâs easy to forget what happens when the help falls away even partially let alone completely.
health isn't a virtue.
people still go around acting like they've done something good in order to be able bodied and healthy. that they worked for it, that it's due to their moral fibre or good upbringing or self control. they genuinely, on some level, believe that they are a good person solely based on the strength of their physical abilities. they will resist the fact that it is largely down to chance that they were able to maintain such health. whatever they think they've built from scratch, the building blocks were already handed to them. not because they're more worthy of it, just by luck. and they really think they're worth more based on that sheer luck. i've met disabled people worth a hundred of the healthiest ableds alive.
Filming people without their consent is a massive issue of not only privacy but ableism that's been going on for many years.
It started out with filming more visibly disabled people, like high support needs autistic people having meltdowns in public and (especially fat) disabled people literally just using mobility aids, but once that was deemed less acceptable it moved to other things. Filming people acting "weird" in public. Eating weird foods. Falling asleep in weird places. Wearing weird things. Stimming. You get the idea. It's no longer safe to be visibly weird in public and that's an issue for a lot of disabled people. I recently had to lay down on the floor of a department store because I had an ME crash while out shopping. Not only did I have to worry about the normal things like people coming up to ask me if I'm ok, I also had to worry about some video of me at my lowest point, when I'm suffering immensely, being shared around as "haha look at this weird bitch on the floor". It's upsetting. It's scary.
And then there's fakeclaiming. A fun trend where people will film us in public to "prove" there's some kind of huge epidemic of people faking disability. Spoiler alert: there is not. Most of the time the people they film are real disabled people who don't fit into the expected mold for disability, usually service dog teams or people who use mobility aids who don't "look sick". And you would think this trend would be some kind of abled nonsense, but it's not. It's often other disabled people doing the fakeclaiming. Yes, there are some times when it's obvious a service dog isn't trained properly, but other than that, it's damn near impossible to tell if someone is faking a disability, and you're much more likely to target a disabled person than a faker. I'd love to say this trend was new, but it's been going on since the days of "the people of walmart" where many of the people posted were fat mobility aid users, always with the assumption that they used it because they were too fat or lazy to move on their own. In fact, the image of a fat person in a mobility cart has become almost synonymous with "lazy". It's one of the things that drove me to get my own expensive power wheelchair, to avoid the judgmental stares in the grocery store when I was just trying to exist, to avoid the fear of public shame. Even now when I stand up from my chair to walk to the bathroom stall or reach something on a high shelf, I watch the corners of my vision for that telltale phone in the air. I feel like I'm never safe from the judgemental eye of the internet, even when I'm logged off, and I'm sure I'm not the only person who feels that way.
Tik Tok, YouTube, Instagram, these places are all great for disabled people, especially those of us without access to the outside world. But it's also become a source of great anxiety for anyone who's uncontrollably "weird", mostly disabled people. Leave us alone, I'm begging you, we just want to go to the fucking grocery store in peace and safety.
Tl;dr
Stop filming people for "acting weird" or "faking a disability" in public. It's ableist, it's invasive, it's creepy, and it's humiliating. People don't exist in public for your amusement and especially not disabled people. You don't know who is disabled and who isn't no matter how many disabled people you've known or how sure you are that the person is faking.
[ID: Chronic illness cat meme "But you did it yesterday" --- Yes, and today I can't move. End ID]

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Hey do you know what rumination is?
Rumination is probably the most common type of OCD compulsion, but I rarely see anyone talking about it. I've talked to multiple people diagnosed with OCD who didn't even recognize it as a compulsion.
Basically, if you have OCD you have terrible intrusive thoughts. They can be about anything, but common themes are fear of being a bad person, fear of hurting someone, fear of contamination. etc.
Rumination is when you get stuck in a spiral. Rumination is when you spend hours catastrophizing, overthinking, analyzing, telling yourself it's going to be okay.
I'll say it again:
Rumination is a compulsion.
Rumination is a compulsion, and that means you have to stop doing it.
I did ERP (exposure response prevention) for my OCD with a therapist! For 9 months! And it did help, but the idea didn't really click until I found this website a couple years later.
And Oh My God. It made things make so much more sense, and I was able to pull myself out of an episode even though I wasn't in therapy or on meds at the time.
Genuinely if you have OCD, or even if you suspect you have OCD, I'm begging you to read some of these articles.
Like this was genuinely life changing for me.
Here are some of the ones that were most helpful to me:
Defining Rumination
How to Stop Ruminating
ERP Exercises for Compulsive Rumination
What to Do When You're Triggered
If you need help with keeping your body clean, it's okay.
If you need help with eating, it's okay.
If you need help with going to the bathroom, it's okay.
If you cannot get out of bed at all or do any of the regular tasks of daily living yourself, it's okay.
You can mourn the losses and the difficulties. You can mourn and rage against the systems and people that often prevent people from getting their care needs met safely, kindly, and with dignity.
Just please try to remember: you are not the problem. Your care needs are not the problem. They simply are what they are.
Every person is worthy of love and genuine care, and to have their needs addressed with the maximum possible dignity and autonomy.
Creative workaround for those who havenât seen it
Someone in the reddit comments made a similar dress inspired by it and posted a pattern with it!
90s movies: Psychopharmacology is as good as a lobotomy. If you take pills to treat your mental illness it will literally murder your imaginary friends and you will become a boring, lotus-eating conformist drone.
Me after taking my meds: drives the scenic route home to see if there are any geese on the pond and does a little dance in line at the grocery store and comes home to throw everythingâ in my fridge into a stew pot because I can finally taste food again while singing songs at my birds in which I replace all the instances of "she" with "Cheese" and doing a Dolly Parton impression on the phone to my sister
"What were you like before taking the meds tho"
Two weeks ago I was posting about eating cake frosting for dinner.
I feel like it's worth mentioning that being on The Wrong Meds can indeed do the 90s movie thing to you.
Like, if you go on meds and that happens, it's not because whatever's going on with you is jut Too Severe or that you're doomed or only people with Other Illnesses get to have meds that make them feel actually good and you have to settle for "miserable but somehow so hollow I no longer care about the misery" and be grateful you're no longer actively suicidal or whatever.
If that shit happens to you, tell your fucking doctor. And if your doctor doesn't take you seriously, or acts like That's Just How Being On Meds Is, ditch them! Find a new doctor!! Because that is NOT how being on meds is supposed to work! That means the meds are not working correctly!!
Reblogging to agree and say that what was happening to me was (and to an extent still is) severe and was the result of manifold health problems and has taken the better part of a year to effectively treat. I did not expect medication to be this effective. But it is. So if you think that you are untreatable, get a second opinion.
there is a single pill i can take to immediately live a day as the best version of myself-- not a superhero, not a perfect genius, but a good dude who can read and write and do the dishes. im optimistic and coherent and can plan for the future. i write novels and walk the dog and remember to shower and brush my teeth.
if i don't take this pill i spend the day as a dirty, inept husk, a sad sack of well-meaning but futile intentions just sapient enough to be dimly aware of everything im unable to be.
this pill is incredibly difficult to obtain a steady monthly supply of because when normal people take it they have a little more fun at parties.
Counterpoint: At least if I spend the remainder of my natural life as a dirty, inept husk, a sad sack of well-meaning but futile intentions just sapient enough to be dimly aware of everything I'm unable to be... at least I'll know I'm me, not a fake version of myself created by medication. Nor do I have to worry about regressing if I run out, the repeat prescription doesn't come in time etc.
Not dissing OP's choice to take advantage of the meds, but they're not for me.
Hey, so, this is kind of the attitude that made me afraid to take meds that I really benefit from: the idea that who you are on medication is somehow "not really you."
The person I was when I was very depressed did not feel like the real me. That was a version of me that was very ill. The "real me" is the me that is able to dance at stoplights and make art and enjoy food and laugh at jokes. And for now, I need pharmaceutical help to get back there.
The assistance that medication provides doesn't make me any less The Real Me than wearing glasses or taking painkillers. Depression is a physical illness. If you try medication and you don't like the way it makes you feel, then it's not a good medication for you. But you do get to choose, and I'm glad I have the opportunity to choose to actually be myself again.
Kill the idea that suffering is somehow authentic and worthy, and take the fucking drugs. I lost years of my life to this kind of thinking and I have nothing to show for it other than a handful of embarrassing memories and a house full of clutter I donât want or need. Thereâs at least five regularly used different classes of antidepressants! And about four more specifically for anxiety! Theyâre all acting on your brain in different ways and you will have different reactions to each of them! Donât give up and accept misery because youâve mistakenly believed the misery is your real personality!
After I'd been on antidepressants for a while I slowly started doing things like singing silly little made up songs, doing a pirouette in the kitchen while making myself tea, or admiring the sunlight coming through the window. The first time I actually realized what I was doing, I nearly started crying because these are the things I used to do when I was 10. Before depression.
I almost convinced myself the "real me" was the one depression created for years and years, and I almost forgot what it was like before it. The medications didn't create a fake me, it literally gave me the Real Me back, when I thought I lost it forever.
Here's the thing about those nineties movies: they were made by people who came of age in the seventies.
The seventies had a much more limited menu of psychiatric drugs, many of which were harsh as hell. The antipsychotics were notorious for causing tardive dyskinesia, to the point where "weird twitchy body language," became an indicator of "crazy" in our moviesâthat's not because they were confusing schizophrenia with something like Tourette's (although precious few writers bother to find out much about Tourette's), it's because for a bunch of people, their ability to manage psychotic episodes was dependent on drugs that would give them lifelong tics if the dosage was the slightest bit too high, or sometimes if it wasn't.
What it also hadâwhat I saw slowly changing during my lifetimeâis the idea of a doctor as an authority figure rather than the doctor as an expert whom you consult for their specialized knowledge.
Listen, though. Listen, I was a kid in the eighties, and I had multiple health problems even before third grade, starting with multi-strep-infection festivals of pain every winter (this was eventually traced to a large sinus cyst, but not actually fixed until my twenties). You have that many strep infections, they give you antibiotics, that's just the way of things.
When I take antibiotics, often enough, all it does for me is give me a rash. I remember my mother taking me off the Pink Goop Of Yecchhh (this was when I was too young for pills) and bringing me back in to the doctor to inform them that I was reacting to penicillin. And I remember the doctor absolutely browbeating her about trying to diagnose me with something without medical backup, about taking me off the medication before I'd gotten an appointment, and finally grudgingly offering to try another antibiotic instead.
(As it happens, I also react to all penicillin drugs, even the ones they thought I wouldn't, and all sulfa drugs, even the ones they thought I wouldn't, and the only safe one that they commonly prescribed was erythromycin, which I despised, as the stomach friendly versions were not there yet. But. That's not the point, or not the point exactly.)
When I had my kids, one of 'em ended up with a very familiar little bumpy rash while being treated for an infection, and I went in to the pediatrician prepared to fight for my life, because I remembered how hard this was. And the pediatrician nodded, and said, "Your instincts are good, this looks like penicillin reaction to me. We've got some alternativesâŚ"
Because doctors, although they can still be overbearing and arrogant, cannot take completely for granted that they are the ones in charge.
Which makes an enormous different in psychiatric treatment especially. Because there's a ton of nuance. You can go in and say, "Look, I can tell this is working at raising my mood but I'm also jittering out of my skin, can we find a relative drug or just chop the pills in half?" Or you can say, "I mean it's fine on one level but I don't feel like myself, can we try a different thing?"
When a doctor is an authority figure who tells you what to do, who decides when you are sufficiently fixed and what you look like (and feel like) when you are yourself, you cannot trust psychiatric medication.
When you have both the legal and social ability to say, "Nope, this ain't right, find me a different one," it's a different proposition.
Yeah, getting properly medicated for anxiety and depression and everything else physically and mentally wrong with me made me basically a different person.
And it didn't feel like being forced into an unfamiliar mold, turned into someone I was never meant to be. It felt like having layers of weights and shackles and masks stripped off so I could finally see and feel the person I was supposed to be the entire time. Discovering that medicated for anxiety I'm an extrovert, not an introvert, didn't feel like medication had forcibly turned me into another person. It felt like a revelation. Suddenly I understood why my mother talks to strangers at the grocery store. I'm more like her than I was. I'm more like me than I was.
Maybe your problems are less severe. Maybe you aren't nearly housebound with physical and mental health problems, with anxiety so bad you've developed agoraphobia and are starving because you can barely force yourself to leave your room once a day to eat and go to the bathroom. Maybe medication doesn't turn you from a miserable lump that lies in bed and has mental breakdowns and feels guilty for imposing on their friends and basically nothing else, into a person who can hold down a job and feed themself and live on their own and make art and laugh and take the bus without spending the entire time petrified with terror of the other passengers.
But medication is fucking important. Having the option is important. Not being talked out of it is important. My dad tried to tell me he'd read online that people went off antidepressants after six months, and I told him maybe people with temporary situational depression, but not me with lifelong intractable depression.
If I wasn't on medication I'd be dead.
Better living through chemicals.

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I really do think the current rise of global fascism is going to be especially bad for the massive and rapidly growing population of disabled people.
Already-inadequate social safety nets are already being dismantled and I think the cultural environment is going to become more and more brutal to disabled people.
We've seen some of this already obviously. The socially-acceptable, earnest explanations that the r slur is okay now because everyone's saying it, the refusal to do literally anything to protect disabled people from covid, the austerity so many governments are enforcing on the most vulnerable members of their populations.
Politics and culture are in lockstep on the insistence that disabled people are expendable. I think this has already changed the social landscape dramatically and it's only accelerating.
As the number of people too disabled to work surges from the longer-term effects of an unusually disabling virus, as work becomes increasingly brutal and underpaid (your actual income number MAY be the same, but you can't buy as much food or housing with it, and new hires are being paid even less), as social services continue to be gutted, people who care for disabled people are going to increasingly see us as burdens and see our survival as incompatible with their own.
If you aren't yet disabled, PLEASE stand up for us and find ways to organize additional support instead of just dumping your disabled loved ones on the street to die.
"I'd never do that!" Good!! Hold on to that!!Bc the Overton window will shift your opinions and politics if you let it.
So many people who were righteously angry five years ago about governments suggesting killing disabled people was an acceptable price to keep the economy running, are now repeating those same conservative party lines almost word for word and thinking it's different because they're used to it now.
It's going to become increasingly common to abandon disabled people. It's going to be described as setting boundaries and protecting your peace and prioritizing reciprocity.
But if those are your real priorities, organizing additional support is a dramatically better option than removing every source of support a disabled person has all at once and comforting yourself with the thought that finding new help all at once is the responsibility of the newly homeless person who is seriously disabled.
It's going to become increasingly common to abandon disabled people. It's going to be described as setting boundaries and protecting your peace and prioritizing reciprocity.
Exactly what is already happening to me, in leftist spaces too.
Help organise more support. Small things, and trust that you don't need to do it all. Others are doing the same.
imo the term "walkable" in "walkable cities" should be understood to mean "wheelchair accessible" as well, not just literally "possible to walk in". the act of walking in a city doesn't automatically make it walkable