cold in my professions, warm in my friendships

Alternatives for when you’re feeling angry or restless:

Scribble on photos of people in magazines

Viciously stab an orange

Throw an apple/pair of socks against the wall

Have a pillow fight with the wall

Scream very loudly

Tear apart newspapers, photos, or magazines

Go to the gym, dance, exercise

Listen to music and sing along loudly

Draw a picture of what is making you angry

Beat up a stuffed bear

Pop bubble wrap

Pop balloons

Splatter paint

Scribble on a piece of paper until the whole page is black

Filling a piece of paper with drawing cross hatches

Throw darts at a dartboard

Go for a run

Write your feelings on paper then rip it up

Use stress relievers

Build a fort of pillows and then destroy it

Throw ice cubes at the bathtub wall, at a tree, etc

Get out a fine tooth comb and vigorously brush the fur of a stuffed animal (but use gentle vigor)

Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock

Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at; cut and tear it instead of yourself

Flatten aluminium cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go

On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture

Break sticks

Cut up fruits

Make yourself as comfortable as possible

Stomp around in heavy shoes

Play handball or tennis

Yell at what you are breaking and tell it why you are angry, hurt, upset, etc.

Buy a cheap plate and decorate it with markers, stickers, cut outs from magazines, words, images, what ever that expresses your pain and sadness and when you’re done, smash it. (Please be careful when doing this)

The Calm Jar (Fill a mason jar or similar with colored water and glitter. When feeling upset or angry you can shake it to disturb the glitter and focus on that until the glitter settles.)

Blow up a balloon and pop it

Alternatives that will give you a sensation (other than pain) without harming yourself:

Hold ice in your hands, against your arm, or in your mouth

Run your hands under freezing cold water

Snap a rubber band or hair band against your wrist

Clap your hands until it stings

Wax your legs

Drink freezing cold water

Splash your face with cold water

Put PVA/Elmer’s glue on your hands then peel it off

Massage where you want to hurt yourself

Take a hot shower/bath

Jump up and down to get some sensation in your feet

Write or paint on yourself

Arm wrestle with a member of your family

Take a cold bath

Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root

Rub liniment under your nose

Put tiger balm on the places you want to cut. (Tiger balm is a muscle relaxant cream that induces a tingly sensation. You can find it in most health food stores and vitamin stores.)

Alternatives that will distract you or take up time:

Say “I’ll self harm in fifteen minutes if I still want to” and keep going for periods of fifteen minutes until the urge fades

Color your hair

Count up to ten getting louder until you are screaming

Sing on the karaoke machine

Complete something you’ve been putting off

Take up a new hobby

Make a cup of tea

Tell and laugh at jokes

Play solitaire

Count up to 500 or 1000

Surf the net

Make as many words out of your full name as possible

Count ceiling tiles or lights

Search ridiculous things on the web

Colour coordinate your wardrobe

Play with toys, such as a slinky

Go to the park and play on the swings

Call up an old friend

Go “people watching”

Carry safe, rather than sharp, things in your pockets

Do school work

Play a musical instrument

Watch TV or a movie

Paint your nails

Alphabetize your CDs or books

Cook

Make origami to occupy your hands

Doodle on sheets of paper

Dress up or try on old clothes

Play computer games or painting programs, such as photoshop

Write out lyrics to your favorite song

Play a sport

Read a book/magazine

Do a crossword

Draw a comic strip

Make a chain link out of paper counting the hours or days you’ve been self harm free using pretty colored paper

Knit, sew, or make a necklace

Make ‘scoobies’ - braid pieces of plastic or lace, to keep your hands busy

Buy a plant and take care of it

Hunt for things on eBay or Amazon

Browse the forums

Go shopping

Memorize a poem with meaning

Learn to swear in another language

Look up words in a dictionary

Play hide-and-seek with your siblings

Go outside and watch the clouds roll by

Plan a party

Find out if any concerts will be in your area

Make your own dance routine

Trace your hand on a piece of paper; on your thumb, write something you like to look at; on your index finger, write something you like to touch; on your middle finger, write your favorite scent; on your ring finger, write something you like the taste of; on your pinky finger, write something you like to listen to; on your palm, write something you like about yourself

Plan regular activities for your most difficult time of day

Finish homework before it’s due

Take a break from mental processing

Notice black and white thinking

Get out on your own, get away from the stress

Go on YouTube

Make a scrapbook

Colour in a picture or colouring book.

Make a phone list of people you can call for support. Allow yourself to use it.

Pay attention to your breathing (breath slowly, in through your nose and out through your mouth)

Pay attention to the rhythmic motions of your body (walking, stretching, etc.)

Learn HALT signals (hungry, angry, lonely, tired)

Choose a random object, like a paper clip, and try to list 30 different uses for it

Pick a subject and research it on the web - alternatively, pick something to research and then keep clicking on links, trying to get as far away from the original topic as you can.

Take a small step towards a goal you have.

Re-organize your room

Name all of your soft toys

Play the A-Z game (Pick a category ie. Animals, and think of an animal for every letter of the alphabet

Have a lush warm bubble bath with candles!

Do some knitting

Do some house hold chores

Alternatives that are completely bizarre. At the least, you’ll have a laugh:

Crawl on all fours and bark like a dog or another animal

Run around outside screaming

Laugh for no reason whatsoever

Make funny faces in a mirror

Without turning orange, self tan

Pluck your eyebrows

Put faces on apples, oranges, or other sorts of food

Go to the zoo and name all of the animals

Color on the walls

Blow bubbles

Pull weeds in the garden

Alternatives for when you’re feeling guilty, sad, or lonely:

Congratulate yourself on each minute you go without self harming

Draw or paint

Look at the sky

Instead of punishing yourself by self harming, punish yourself by not self harming

Call a friend and ask for company

Buy a cuddly toy

Give someone a hug with a smile

Put a face mask on

Watch a favorite TV show or movie

Eat something ridiculously sweet

Remember a happy moment and relive it for a while in your head

Treat yourself to some chocolate

Try to imagine the future and plan things you want to do

Look at things that are special to you

Compliment someone else

Make sculptures

Watch fish

Youtube funny videos!

Let yourself cry

Play with a pet

Have or give a massage

Imagine yourself living in a perfect home and describe it in your mind

If you’re religious, read the bible or pray

Light a candle and watch the flame (but please be careful)

Go chat in the chat room

Allow yourself to cry; crying is a healthy release of emotion

Accept a gift from a friend

Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful comforting things/people

Take a hot bath with bath oil or bubbles

Curl up under a comforter with hot cocoa and a good book

Make affirmation tapes inside you that are good, kind, gentle (Sometimes you can do this by writing down the negative thoughts and then physically re-writing them into positive messages)

Make a tray of special treats and tuck yourself into bed with it and watch TV or read

Write words in the sand for them to be washed away

Alternatives for when you’re feeling panicky or scared:

“See, hear and feel”-5 things, then 4, then 3 and countdown to one which will make you focus on your surroundings and will calm you down

Listen to soothing music; have a CD with motivational songs that you can listen to

Meditate or do yoga

Name all of your soft toys

Hug a pillow or soft toy

Hyper focus on something

Do a “reality check list” – write down all the things you can list about where you are now (e.g. It is the 9th November 2004, I’m a room and everything is going to be alright)

With permission, give someone a hug

Drink herbal tea

Crunch ice

Hug a tree

Go for a walk if it’s safe to do so

Feel your pulse to prove you’re alive

Go outside and attempt to catch butterflies or lizards

Put your feet firmly on the floor

Accept where you are in the process. Beating yourself up, only makes it worse

Touch something familiar/safeLeave the room

Lay on your back in bed comfortably (eyes closed), and breathe in for 4, hold for 2, out for 4, hold for 2. Make sure to fill your belly up with air, not your chest. If your shoulders are going up, keep working on it. When you’re comfortable breathing, put your hand on your belly and rub up and down in time with your breathing. If your mind wanders to other things, move it back to focusing ONLY on the synchronized movement of your hand and breathing.

Give yourself permission to…. (Keep it safe)

Create a safe place for yourself and take yourself there

Lay on the grass and watch the clouds. You can try to make pictures with them too.

Light a candle and watch the flame

Alternatives that will hopefully make you think twice about harming yourself:

Think about how you don’t want scars

Treat yourself nicely

Remember that you don’t have to hurt yourself just because you’re thinking about self harm

Create a safe place to go

Acknowledge that self harm is harmful behavior: say “I want to hurt myself” rather than “I want to cut”

Repeat to yourself “I don’t deserve to be hurt” even if you don’t believe it

Remember that you always have the choice not to cut: it’s up to you what you do

Think about how you may feel guilty after self harming

Remind yourself that the urge to self harm is impulsive: you will only feel like cutting for short bursts of time

Avoid temptation

Get your friends to make you friendship bracelets: wear them around your wrists to remind you of them when you want to cut

Be with other people

Make your own list of things to do instead of self harm

Make a list of your positive character traits

Be nice to your family, who in return, will hopefully be nice to you

Put a band-aid on the area where you’d like to self harm

Recognize and acknowledge the choices you have NOW

Pay attention to the changes needed to make you feel safe

Notice “choices” versus “dilemmas”

Lose the “should-could-have to” words. Try… “What if”

Kiss the places you want toSHor kiss the places you have healing wounds. It can be a reminder that you care about myself and that you don’t want this

Choose your way of thinking, try to resist following old thinking patterns

The Butterfly project- draw a butterfly on the place(s) that you would self harm and if the butterfly fades without self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away, giving a sense of achievement. Whereas if you do self-harm with the butterfly there; you will have to wash it off. If that does happen, you can start again by drawing a new one on. You can name the butterfly after someone you love.

Write the name of a loved one [a friend, family member, or anyone else who cares about you] and write their name where you want to self harm. When you go to self harm remember how much they care and wouldn’t want you to harm yourself.

think about what you would say to a friend who was struggling with the same things you are and try to be a good friend to yourself.

Make a bracelet out duct tape, and put a line on it every day (Or any period of time) you go without self harm. When it’s full of lines, take it off and make a chain out of all the bracelets and hang it up somewhere where you can be reminded of your great progress.

Alternatives that give the illusion of seeing something similar to blood:

Draw on yourself with a red pen or body paint, or go to a site such as this, where you ‘cut’ the screen (be aware that some users may find this triggering, so view with caution)

Cover yourself with plasters where you want to cut

Give yourself a henna or fake tattoo

Make “wounds” with makeup, like lipstick

Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and warm it slightly by dropping it into a cup of hot water for a few minutes. Uncap the bottle and press its tip against the place you want to cut. Draw the bottle in a cutting motion while squeezing it slightly to let the food color trickle out.

Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that you’ve made by dropping six or seven drops of red food color into each of the ice-cube tray wells.

Paint yourself with red tempera paint.

‘Cut’ your skin with nail polish (it feels cold, but it’s hard to get off)

Use red food colouring on your skin

Alternatives to help you sort through your feelings:

Phone a friend and talk to them

Make a collage of how you feel

Negotiate with yourself

Identify what is hurting so bad that you need to express it in this way

Write your feelings in a diary

Free write (Write down whatever you’re thinking at that moment, even if it doesn’t make sense)

Make lists of everything such as blessings in your life

Make a notebook of song lyrics that you relate to

Call ahotline

Write a letter to someone telling them how you feel (but you don’t have to send it if you decide not to)

try slapping countertops

getting fresh air

going to a bookstore or a music store and just getting lost in it

take selfies

play guitar, feel the strings under your fingers

I think I am, therefore I am

Read a book, get lost in the unreality of that, and then remember your reality

Talking to someone, asking for reassurance

a run or walk (especially through a ‘pretty place’)

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🔴 BREAKING: According to The Telegraph (Aug 21, 2025), famine has officially been declared in Gaza for the first time by the UN-backed IPC.

While Israel prepares to destroy what remains of Gaza City, families here are being torn apart by hunger, destruction, and despair.

My own family is among those suffering, with nothing left to survive on.

Please, donate to help keep us alive. 🇵🇸🕊️

Vetted:

For example, in the third Harry Potter, Hermoine gets called a slur by Draco. She goes to Hagrid, upset, and instead of saying Draco's wrong because he's bigoted and hateful, Hagrid starts talking pedantically. Not all muggle borns are inferior because Hermoine is academically gifted, and Neville, a pureblood, isn't. So therefore, racism is wrong! 👍🏾. Of course the implication is that if Hermoine wasn't good at school she'd deserve it..? And that's how tumblr users speak about racism.

To me, there's nothing more liberal than a finely tuned system of bureaucracy that is hand-crafted to seem politically neutral despite still negatively impacting our most vulnerable populations en-masse.

When you enter the shelter system, you lose status as a person and instead become a measurable outcome. The nonprofit complex (which most shelters fall under) is a massive industry with billions of dollars flowing in and out. Their continued existence & expansion- which could include hundreds of people's jobs- live and die on 2 things: 1) they must constantly prove that they are socially necessary, or that there is a high/growing need for them to exist, but also simultaneously 2) proving "positive outcomes" and making it look like they are helping people transition out of homelessness with a program that works.

Whether it DOES work doesn't really matter, and in fact, if it worked that might actually be worse for their business. I mean, if there's no homeless people, what happens to the shelter? Our jobs? Our funding? But it especially does not matter to the people at the top of these orgs; a board of directors who likely will never interact directly with the staff, clientele, or even site locations at any time. All they interact with are numbers, and every decision is based on what those numbers say. It doesn't need to work, it just needs to look like it works.

I'll give you a personal anecdote to highlight what I mean.

I recently briefly worked for a very large system that runs several HUGE shelters in one of the most homeless metropolitan areas in the country. It's a very liberal company that mostly employs people of color and trans folk (which I now recognize as a massive red flag lol they want our labor for cheap). They are focused on things like *equity* and *accountability* blah blah

Success in these shelters is measured in a very prototypical way; how many beds are we filling daily, and how many people are "leaving shelter of their own accord" (i.e. not being kicked out for violating rules, and presumably leaving because they have found housing)? Essentially: how many beds are we turning over each day? And the higher that number = positive outcomes.

But here's the thing. If someone "forfeits" their bed, they can be counted as a tally under that "left shelter of their own accord" category, even if they immediately just get back on the waitlist (and oh yes, there are wait lists) to return to the shelter. So what these shelters do is they maintain a VERY strict, convoluted set of rules around what it means to forfeit your bed.

Back 5 minutes past curfew because you're visibly transgender and had 3 Uber drivers decline your ride when they saw you? Forfeit. Late for curfew because the bus' wheelchair lift didn't work and you use a power chair? Forfeit. You ARE back on time, but your partner is seemingly AWOL (because, as we discovered later, he was picked up by immigration and disappeared for several days)? Forfeit for the both of you, because this is a couples-only shelter. Sorry. You can jump back in the list as a single, and return to shelter after sleeping outside for a few days, though.

(all of these are real situations I really encountered, and you can very clearly see the type of people impacted)

Any bending of these rules requires documentation (like for clients that work late, for example, giving proof of schedule) but that documentation needed to be renewed WEEKLY. Beyond being impossible for clients to keep track of, it was impossible for US to keep track of. We were so understaffed and on top of everything, we have to keep track of 200 people's work schedules? No. Of course stuff slips through the cracks- and that's a function of the bureaucracy too- making it such a fucking chore to maintain legitimately, that people are encouraged to fudge shit and lie.

And as a result of all these policies, you get a constantly turning conveyor belt of people "exiting" shelter and then re-entering it, both of which count positively for outcome numbers. Why WOULDN'T they make that cycle part of the routine? And they did- almost every client I worked with had accidentally forfeit their bed at least once. Some clients had done it dozens of times.