Why you don't pass. Part I
Passing is difficult and we all know it. It’s even more difficult when you have no access to hormones and surgery. We do what we can: binding, packing, wearing clothes that hide the contours of our bodies and that’s all fine and good. But some of us still have a hard time passing. It may be the feminine proportions, your voice, or maybe you do pass but some idiot always gives you away when you’re hanging out with female friends by saying words like “ladies” (oh man that’s the fucking worst).
However, lets look into it more. There is a lot you can do about passing. Here I’m going to list a lot of common stupid traits that many transmen have. If this offends you, it isn’t my problem if you can’t take honesty. If it doesn’t apply to you, then why would you care?:
1) The fuck are you wearing?
There is no individually defined style that a man must conform to. There are many clothing styles and subcultures to choose from and none of them are unmanly. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that just because you’re a goth or a rocker that you’re “unmanly”. That’s stupid.
HOWEVER! You will look unmanly if you have no idea how to wear your clothes. For example, many people like to wear tank tops. Don’t. We can see your fuckin’ bitch tits. Unless you bind really well, do not wear a tank top. It sucks, it’s really painful, but you currently don’t have the proper endowments and there’s no reason to be in denial of that. Either bind really well or wear a t-shirt AND NOT A V-CUT unless you’re a small chested fellow.
A lot of dudes like to wear skinny jeans. This is not unmanly and is fine if you’re actually skinny. There would be nothing wrong if you were pudgy and in skinny jeans, but unfortunately it gives you away very fast. When you’re pudgy, there is more fat on your legs and thighs, and it shows the curvature more. So don’t do it until your fat has redistributed from T or you have other masculine factors to distract from it. If you can pull of skinny jeans, for God’s sake wear a packer! A lot of guys don’t pack, which is fine, but skinny jeans are meant to show your junk. If you’re able to wear skinny jeans, not show your junk, and actually not look like you’re in pain… you’re gonna have a hard time passing.
On the other end of this spectrum, there are guys who wear baggy clothing. This is great, too. Personally I prefer baggy to tight any day. However, this can ruin your passing experience as well. I’ve noticed smaller guys wear clothes that are too big, and bigger guys wear clothes that are too small. If you’re 5'1" and 100 pounds, you should not be wearing a giant shirt that drags down to your knees. You look like you’re drowning in that thing and it looks STUPID. If you’re 5'5" and 230 pounds, you should wear something baggy enough to hide your curvature (binding is tough when you’re chubby, I know). Don’t wear something that literally makes your boobs stretch out. While fat cis-men do have breasts, none of them have it so visibly large in comparison to their stomachs.
Jeez, I wonder how many people are going to be chasing me out of my house with torches and pitchforks for this one. I think the title of this section actually explains itself. This is one of the things that actually pisses me off to no end.
DON’T CUT YOUR HAIR SO DAMN SHORT. You look like a LESBIAN. A lesbian is a GIRL. YOU ARE NOT A GIRL, YOU ARE A MAN. Unfortunately, some of you are NOT blessed with the masculine face you think you have (some of you are, but clearly I am not talking to you). I’m sorry, dude, but when your hair is so damn short, everyone can see the feminine contours of your face. What’s worse is some of you who have this accursed haircut have extremely long eyelashes, which is a perfect red flag for someone to call you young lady.
If you are lucky enough to be able to pull off short hair and have a very masculine face, then congrats. However, most of you don’t. This does not mean you have to get long hair, but don’t get a buzzcut. You don’t look male, you look like a girl who’s trying so hard to not seem feminine. There are many short hairstyles that don’t have this effect. Examine your face and see what’s best for you.
Oh and speaking of hair… THAT FAUXHAWK MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. Actually, fauxhawks also make you look effeminate and not pass. How do I know? Some cis men are mistaken for girls from having that accursed hairstyle. It just generally speaking looks bad, however that part is just an opinion, no need to get your balls in a knot.
I don’t even know what to say about this one. It seriously brings my piss to a boil everytime I see a YouTube video that’s titled “I CAN’T PASS”. At first I often feel bad, and decide to watch it. Then it turns out it’s some idiot crying about how they don’t pass when they sound so girly that they make Chris Crocker look like Hulk Hogan. There is a way to sound FEMININE in your speech, but still sound like a male. Even when pre-T.
Again there is nothing wrong with being a man who’s effeminate, but saying “psh”, “like”, huffing and rolling your eyes whenever something discomforts you is NOT helping you pass. This can all be put aside as the standards for masculinity vary per person, I respect that. However, this is for people who want to pass as a man. You are still an individual and there is no pressure to be macho or anything, it may not be who you are. However, when you’re pre-T and sound feminine, people will figure you’re a female. You can’t expect them to think otherwise.
Just be wary that you already have a female body, therefore acting feminine will incline people to think you are female. Which you are not, as trans people actually have a male brain structure, no matter how masculine or feminine. Hormones will help you feel more comfortable with your expression but will not necessarily help you pass 100%. You don’t need to wait until you’re on testosterone to speak like you want to pass. In fact, most men on testosterone still speak from the nasal passage, and then they also wonder why they don’t pass. Remember, women typically speak from the nasal passage and speak very quickly. Men speak slowly and from the diaphragm.
While it is true cis men do speak from the nasal passage as well, they usually speak slowly. If they speak quickly, too, they pass because they’ve had testosterone in their system for most of their lives. In order for testosterone to take it’s full effect, you need to be on it for a long time. So if you’re only a year on it and want to keep your girly mannerisms, don’t expect to pass. The hormone hasn’t completely renovated you just yet.
