Just some autistic guy with a phone and a blog

Your friends don't secretly hate you

You're not a bad person for things you did and said months or years ago that you now recognize as bad

You aren't cringe for being excited about things

You don't talk too much

If you feel sick from intrusive thoughts/rsd please sip on some water, get a blanket or plush to cuddle, put on some music or a video that makes you feel happy

Friendly reminder to be kind to autistic people who struggle to take care of themselves physically or have habits that are often labeled as annoying.

Being autistic is not always "cute" and not all stims are convient for those around us. Those actions are meant to comfort us, not others in the area. That does not mean we are any less deserving of kindness and friendship.

Greasy unkempt hair

Leg bouncing

Mouth open chewing

Drooling while stim chewing

Long unclipped nails

Groaning and other verbal stims

like I see ableism everywhere, even in feminist spheres. I see people throwing around "crazy" "psycho" "narcissist". i see so called feminists saying the r slur WAY too easily.

we're completely left out of environmental conversations or just dismissed (see: the straw ban). we're collateral damage in their eyes.

I've seen a skinny woman get abuse and hate for posting a selfie of her in her wheelchair and tagging it as "body positive", told she was "hijacking the movement".

black disabled or mentally ill (like schizophrenia) people die, and i see people excusing it as "how was he acting?" as if being mentally ill is a fucking death sentence!

disabled women are more at risk for abuse, especially at the hands of carers, and its glossed over! nobody ever talks about it!

abled feminists call us inspirational. the government only cares about us when we can do something for it, like playing in an elite basketball team (like my husband used to. the second he stopped, he stopped getting aid).

1. the no category. this is for things that are unsafe. hurting self (head banging, scratching), hurting others, chewing on choking hazards. i know this is excluded in OP’s post, but i’m putting it on my list because if you parent an autistic child and deal with this, you have to be aware that a key to off-limits stimming is redirection. stimming satisfies an important physical and neurological need for the autistic brain, and that behavior is sensory-seeking. if you must say no, please also offer options or help redirecting to appropriate outlets for pressure, motion, rhythm, chewing, etc.

2. the shared space category. listen, i get that a lot of people are assholes about things that aren’t hurting them. that’s not what this category is for. but we have a household with multiple autistic individuals and a work from home situation. “shared space” is the code phrase we use for “please take this stimming to a different location.” sometimes, aural stims like repetitive noises or physical stims like pacing can be legitimately distracting to other people in a room (or car!). in the case of other autistic people, it might even feel painful or mentally consuming. this category is no-judgment “please move to another location to continue stimming this way.” it’s not bad, it’s not wrong, you aren’t being shamed– just do your best to respect others and their needs or comfort, and leave the communal area or lower your volume.

3. the you do you category. it doesn’t matter that nobody else is doing this to feel comfortable or happy– you aren’t hurting anyone else, you aren’t being disruptive in a space other people are using together. go for it.

Me: but distractions

Partner: I have removed them

Me: but have you considered this?

like… not only can I not marry the love of my life without losing my health insurance and the $800 or so a month I’m forced to survive on

but I can’t even CALL her “my wife” casually

like literally the US gov’t has people whose job it is to go and interview the family, friends, & neighbors of disabled people to just make sure that they never refer to anyone in their life as “my wife” or “my husband” etc

and if you DO, then SNAP! You’re defrauding the US gov’t of the pittance you can barely survive on and you are no longer entitled to your disability benefits

(some kinds of benefits might remain in diminished form but if you were disabled before age 22 you are fucked COMPLETELY and can’t get them back even if you divorce… the only loophole is if the other person was ALSO deemed disabled before 22, because that fucking makes sense)

and this is just… legal and no one but disabled activists ever talks about this shit