The Thinking Project

Come to think of it, I don’t know how to filter my thoughts. I don’t know what to say straight up and what to think on…no one has ever taught me that… Your family is suppose to show you how when you’re all fighting; they’re suppose to reason and tell you which thoughts are hurtful if not filter right and so on. Well my parents always had comebacks and “oh grow up” “stop being a drama queen” “Here some money to get over it” “I’m the parent here”. I never had a sit down argument that actually fixed a situation or had a step forward to solving anything. I don’t live at home anymore, I love 15 minutes away. I hate going home so much. Christmas break, I’ve cried almost every day because of family bikerings and fights. The family’s favourite line is now “you always think you’re so perfect and right”. No. I know I’m fucked but at least I’m trying to change things for myself. I hate going home.

Why is it so much easier to open up here rather to someone you know? I've been withy boyfriend for almost a year now and still never open up. I hate it.

That something 🔼

People really need to change the way they react to peoples emotions. No one is crazy. If someone seems “dramatic”, there is probably something more that they are trying to let out but are too scared or just can’t. Yes, I am an emotional person and I live my emotions to the fullest. No, I do not like sharing them or attracting much attention. So when I do speak, something is up. My parents never caught on. I am still the drama queen. I decided I only want to take 3 classes next term in University and have a job. I need money for now. I need a life, a balance. When I told my mother, she said “don’t be so dramatic! That is a ridiculous conclusion; we’ll talk about it when you come home for the break”. No mom, I am an adult. I need to make my own money and pay for my living. Don’t dismiss my thoughts and feelings because you don’t understand them. If anything, share your thoughts, so I can try to understand you. Understand how to explain it in a better way, a way you may understand. And then from there, please, please explain why you disagree. Yes, I may be caught up in my emotions and not see certain things. So yes, do tell me, I want to see every angle and every detail so I can make the most educated decision. No we may not agree, but the emotion is still real, it is true and the outcome is mine. 

I have strong feelings for her. Just haven't decided if they are good or bad

On a happier note! My walk home! Snow <3 

So, in July, I moved out of the apartment I shared with my two bestfriends. They are both good people but very emotional and different from me. I figured it would be best to move out since I am emotional myself. They both hated me for it...but the one still won’t talk to me and blames me for everything. Today was the first time I saw one of them since we moved. She is still so sweet and looks back and agrees it was for the best! She even says she’d never live with the other girl now...apparently she smokes two packs of cigarettes a day, does not eat, goes from boy to boy who disrespect her so much but she will drop everything to go see them. She is losing weight and confidence and self-respect and is considering going back to school just to “fight in” with all our friends...Her close friends don’t want her around since it is exams but don’t know how to tell her...They want to sit her down and tell her she is going off the rails and needs to sit down and really think about want she NEEDS. Sleeping around is bad, smoking is bad, going to school to fit in is bad. School is only bearable if you enjoy the subject. In my opinion, her friends need to sit her down and tell her to think but I also know that she would feel so attacked and then cut them out and have no one and probably make herself a bigger hole. So what to do? I don’t know what to do...I just know I am thankful for leaving and finding a new apartment because I would be even more emotionally torn about this. I still care for her and want to be there as a friend but I also know she is unhealthy and is not the person to take control of her life. 

Isn’t that what everyone tells themselves? But how many times do people actually change their habits? I’ve been saying it for 3 years and have still not changed much. I have many non-visible medical conditions that I chose not to tell people about. Those conditions often make me come off as a lazy, complaining individual. I take seven different types of medications everyday now. Some of my medical conditions are still up in the air...I recently had a pancreatitis and now I am being told I either have breast cancer or brain cancer. I’m in my early 20′s, what the fuck. I decided to stop one of my medications because in the “rare side-effect” section, it says it can cause a severe pancreatitis. According to my doctor I should not worry about it but no one in my family has ever had pancreas problems. I have officially decided to start taking step to try and stop taking any type of medications. How am I gonna make changes? I have no clue...Christmas break research!

Mon paradis

Stay rad ✌ 💨

"I feel like an old rusty train track"

No one has any idea. So how can they say you are doing it wrong?

I need help, none of my friends can understand and neither my boyfriend. All their parents are married and support them.

I miss the snow

Even the gross hot days can be nice✌🚣

She couldn't understand Rouffuss wasn't a toy 😹