#derailed

The tension in the air was suffocating, wrapping around me like an unrelenting vice as we worked against the clock. A hostage situation on a train. A suspect arms and volatile. And Spencer- my Spencer- was being sent in as our only hope to talk him down. 

I stood by Hotch’s side, arms crossed tightly over my chest, fingers digging into the sleeves of my FBI jacket. My heart pounded against my ribs, the stress clawing at my throat. It wasn’t just the case. It wasn’t just another day at work. This was Spencer, the man I loved, walking into the line of fire. 

“He’s the best shot we have.” Hotch said, firm but reassuring. 

“That doesn’t make it any easier.” I muttered under my breath, eyes locked on Spencer as he finished adjusting his vest. 

I had seen him handle high-pressure situations before. I knew how brilliant his mind was, how he could talk down the most dangerous of men with his intellect alone. But knowing didn’t stop the fear from gnawing at my insides. Spencer caught my gaze, his expression softening immediately. He excused himself from Morgan and approached, concern flickering in his hazel eyes. 

“Hey.” He murmured, his voice gentle amidst the chaos. 

“I’ll be okay. 

I shook my head, jaw tightening. “You don’t know that, Spence. None of us do.” 

His hands found mine, fingers lacing together. It was a simple touch, but one that grounded her. 

“I do know that I trust my team.” He said. 

“I trust Gideon, I trust Hotch, I trust you.” 

My breath hitched. “You shouldn’t have to do this.” 

“If there was another way, we’d take it.” He reasoned. “But I can do this. I have to do this.” 

I searched his face, looking for any hint of hesitation, any sign that he was second-guessing this. But there was none. He was scared- of course he was- but he was also determined. Swallowing hard, I lifted a hand to his face, cupping his cheek. 

“Just… promise me you’ll come back to me, okay?” 

His lips twitched into a small smile, and he leaned into my touch. 

“Always.” 

Morgan called out, signaling it was time. Spencer gave my hand one last squeeze before stepping away, leaving me standing there with a heart full of worry and a mind screaming at me to pull him back. But I didn’t. 

I trusted him. 

All I could do now was wait. And pray. 

I could feel my heart thundering in my chest as I stood in the trailer with Morgan and Gideon, my eyes glued to the monitor. The tension was palpable, almost suffocating, and my thoughts were scattered, unable to focus on anything other than Spencer. The love of my life. And the lan walking straight into the lion’s den.

“Damn it, Reid. I said, ‘Don’t take the vest off.’” Morgan’s voice cracked through the tension, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. 

“What?” I whispered, my voice barely audible. I pushed myself between the two men, desperate to see the screen, desperate to understand what was happening. Spencer, my Spencer, was tossing his vest aside and walking closer to the man with the gun. 

“Oh, God…” I whimpered, my hands shaking. Morgan’s arm found its way around my shoulders, pulling me closer as we both watched Spencer calmly approach Dr. Bryar, who was still holding the weapon.

“Hey, look. He’s got it. He’s got it. He’s got the chip.” Morgan’s words were a lifeline. For a brief moment, I could breathe again, feeling the weight of the situation lessen, but it was short-lived. Spencer stood up, but Dr. Bryar refused to let him leave, gun still pointed at him. 

“Get off the train, Reid.” Gideon's voice cut through the room, strained with urgency.  

“No, no, something’s wrong.” JJ added, her voice laced with panic. 

“Why isn’t he moving? Why isn’t he letting Spencer go?” I asked, my voice breaking under the strain. 

“Get off the train.” Gideon repeated, his voice tight. 

Spencer started to stand again, but Dr. Bryar wouldn’t let him go. The hostage situation was rapidly spiraling out of control. I felt myself slipping into a panic. Spencer was trapped. My Spencer was stuck on a train with a madman, with no protection, no vest, no way to defend himself. 

“Alright, it seems calm for now.” JJ said, her voice uncertain, trying to hold onto a thread of hope. 

“But Spencer is still on the train.” I said, my voice shaking with desperation.  

“Now we have two agents in there.” Gideon said as Hotch joined us. 

I couldn’t shake the image of Spencer being held at gunpoint. He was my everything, and I couldn’t bear to lose him. Gideon pressed the call button for the phone they had set up with Dr. Bryar, but no one picked up. I could feel the panic swelling inside me as the seconds ticked by. 

“Answer the phone.” Gideon murmured, more to himself than anyone else.  

The phone continued to ring, unanswered. Then, out of nowhere, one of the other hostages-Josh- stood up, making the situation even more volatile. Spencer was doing his best to keep everything under control, but Josh’s actions weren’t helping. Dr. Linda Deaton, the psychologist, was also trying to de-escalate, but it felt like everything was slipping away. 

And then it happened. 

Dr. Bryar stood up and shot Dr. Deaton. My breath hitched in my throat as I gasped, the horror of it all sinking in. Spencer was still on that train, in the middle of a nightmare. I felt Morgan’s grip tighten around me, trying to hold me together as I fought to keep myself from falling apart. 

“Stay with me, Y/L/N.” Morgan whispered, his voice low and steady, as if trying to ground me in the madness. “We’ll get him back.” 

Finally, Dr. Bryar answered the phone. “What?” His voice weary, filled with the weight of someone who had already given up. 

“What happened, Ted? I did what you asked for.” Gideon said, his voice steady despite the chaos. 

“I’m tired.” He sighed. “I’ve been fighting you for so long.” 

“You don’t have to fight anymore.” Gideon replied softly. 

“I said it all ends today.” He said, his voice hollow.  

“These agents… It all ends today.” He muttered before tossing the phone away.  

“What does that mean?” JJ asked her voice tight with fear.  

“It means he’s decided on an endgame.” Hotch said, his expression grim.  

“He’s gonna kill himself and the hostages.” The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t think. 

“If he dies… if Spencer dies, I’m going to kill you two!” I shouted, my voice cracking with the weight of the fear consuming me. 

“JJ, get her out of here.” Gideon said, his tone sharp. 

“No!” I cried, resisting as JJ tried to pull me away. 

“I need to be here. I need to be with him!”  

But JJ was firm. She grabbed my hand and dragged me away from the trailer, taking me to one of the cars. Her grip was strong, but I could feel my world unraveling as the realization hit me. Spencer was in danger. My Spencer was in there, and I couldn’t do anything to help him. 

“Y/N… you know they’ll make sure he’s okay. Reid is going to be just fine.” JJ said, her voice gentle but filled with the same uncertainty I felt. 

“You don’t know that, JJ. None of us know that! I should have stopped him… I should have tried harder to convince him… Oh God….” I cried, my words falling into a desperate mess. I clung to JJ, needing the comfort, needing the strength that I couldn’t find within myself. 

Then we heard it. 

A single shot rang out.

I froze. My heart stopped, my entire body going cold as the sound echoed in my ears. 

My body moved on instinct, and before anyone could stop me, I bolted from the car and ran straight toward the train. My name was being called- by JJ, by Morgan, by Gideon- but I couldn’t hear them. I couldn’t hear anything but the fear clawing at my throat, the fear that Spencer was gone. 

When I reached the train, my heart nearly stopped when I saw Spencer. Alive. He was standing there, looking calm, even though I knew the chaos he had just been through. The relief hit me all at once, and I rushed toward him, my legs moving faster than my mind could process. 

“Spencer…” I breathed, practically throwing myself into his arms, clutching him as if he might disappear. 

“I had to.” Harry, one of the hostages, said quietly, holding a gun in his hands. 

“He was gonna kill us.” 

I didn’t care about the details right now. All that mattered was that Spencer was alive. He was here. He was with me.  

“I told you I’d be fine. I trust the team.” Spencer whispered against my hair, and I couldn’t help but let out a sob of relief. 

“We need an ambulance.” Spencer said, his voice was clear, but my focus was still on him. He was here. He was alive. And nothing else in the moment mattered. 

Spencer gently pulled me away and led me out of the train, holding me close as I refused to let go. He helped me into one of the cars, crouching in front of me, holding my hands as his eyes searched mine. 

“You’re okay.” He whispered, his voice soft but full of care. “We’re okay.” 

I nodded, but I couldn’t find the words to express what I felt. All I could do was cling to him, my heart still racing but now with relief flooding my veins. Spencer was safe. That was all that mattered.