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i don’t know what specific part you’re asking for forgiveness for

“Trick or Yeet!” I shout to the children when I open the door. “Yeet?” one says confusidly. I shrug. “Yeet it is.” I throw the child.

Not Halloween but, okay. 

okay you stick of unsalted butter i made this on halloween but everyone just likes to reblog it for some reason

Reblog today only to avoid OP cursing you out for a stick of unsalted butter

i’m gonna use my hacking powers to do an all pyjama run in pokemon y

Me: oh factor in the gas crisis? Five weeks, my bad.

the pure unrestrained giddy joy i feel every time i realize i’m COLD and it’s because the TEMPERATURE is DROPPING and i can PUT on a SWEATER because IT’S AUTUMN BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MORE FUCKEN SUMMER

Hey is the build a bear employee supposed to force us to jump up and down or are we getting hazed

as a build-a-bear employee it is my honor to happily inform you that we get to make everyone do whatever the fuck we want during a heart ceremony. jump to get that heart beating. rub that heart to your knees so your furry friend always needs you. rub it to your toes so it’s totally awesome! shake it up so it’s got enough energy to hang out with you all day! close your eyes, make a wish, and give it a kiss you helpless motherfucker

Look, reanimation is a Process, okay

“Reanimation is a process” is a sentence that just makes me want to play a Necromancer as a very deadpan Build-A-Bear employee.

When EMTs and film/tv production crew comment on twitter threads about Amazon warehouse working conditions like “I work 12 hour shifts too, suck it up” like…………guys. You shouldn’t be working 12 hour shifts either. As few people as possible should be working 12 hour shifts

THIS. Medical professions ESPECIALLY.

Ok but I really, really don’t want to be treated by a medical professional who’s on the later end of a 12 hour shift?! Like that isn’t even just about worker’s rights, an exhausted EMT or nurse or surgeon is a lot more likely to mess up and get their patients killed, who the fuck thought shifts like that were a good idea

Pro tips from original antifa.

Reblogging for reasons

Wowsers. Is everything cool?

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

This is the opposite of a creepypasta

It’s a soothingpasta. Let’s make more of them

imma say it. “kung fu panda” did more for body positivity and saying that  you can be fat and still be healthy and liked than ANYTHING any beauty companies trying to get your money.

also it had a positive relationship between an adopted child and his stepfather even after he found out he was adopted

APPARENTLY MY MOMS BOYFRIEND HAD JURY DUTY WITH JOHN MULANEY AND WAS SITTING NEXT TO HIM

imagine going to the jury and seeing him like i wouldn’t be able to keep it together emotionally i’d just be disqualified the plaintiff would be like “he stole my assets” and i’d be like I Have Fired The Criminal Catcher

John Mulaney Gives You The Death Sentence (ASMR)

Imagine being on trial and you look over at the jury and John Mulaney is just sitting there. How do you handle that, psychologically. How do you not conclude your life has turned into a piece of absurdist theatre

this is so sad, alexa please stop collecting my personal data without my consent

i’m begging people to know they can have interests and hobbies that aren’t related to the Walt Disney Company’s stable of highly profitable intellectual properties

gays! clean your room