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ghoul hearts for dinner again

God I miss the days when you could show up to a stranger’s farm and he’d say “What’s your name, boy?” and you’d take off your hat and hold it to your chest to better let him see your face and reply “Why I ain’t got none, sir, on account of my mammy passed on before she could give me one” and he’d tell you he’s real damn sorry to hear that and ask what he can do you for and you’d tell him that you can’t read nor even write neither but you’re mighty good with horses and can mend them fallen fence posts what you saw on your way in and won’t ask for nothing much more than a hot meal and a warm barn to sleep in and he’d keep his wife and daughters inside but send his boy who ain’t got married yet even though his mama tells him he needs a woman out with a lantern and some stew at night and the two of you’d get to talkin and he’d throw you his flask to take a swig from and watch you drinkin from it while he leant against the door frame and when he finally got called back on up to the house again he’d take a sip from it too real slow-like like it weren’t the whiskey what he were tryna savour

the worlds last funny image has died in captivity

Lenny & Carl Are Homer's Contemporaries

joints should have a seat belt and an air bag just in case things get too wild and out of control

a bong should have an eject button in case you need to get out of dodge in a hurry

your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean

one time i got on the bus and it was all goths on there. all the seats taken by gothic people. it was freaky on that bus

i didnt say a word i just kept quiet and it was ok. usually i am very loud on the bus but this time i was scared and nervous

usually when im on the bus i am laughing. but this time i was quiet and scared

whole foods employee catches me stealing valuable artichoke water and tries to apprehend me but i quickly jump through one of his gauges and escape