Being Young And Dipped In Fooly

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

some % of why dick grayson is so appealing to me as a reader who is a rape survivor is that like it is literally just like that sometimes. someone rapes you and you have to go to work and get groceries and do your homework and wash the dishes. sometimes you have to go to work or class or the grocery store with the person who raped you. maybe you don't tell anyone about it for five years and maybe you never tell anyone. you compartmentalize it most of the time because life won't let you put the tasks of living on hold for you to process it, and maybe sometimes you compartmentalize it because that lets you live a life where it didn't happen. literally just a relatable guy

i will add though from a purely irl standpoint i highly recommend looking into your local rape crisis center for (usually free!) therapy. and/or talking to a friend or other trusted loved one. and doing what you can to separate yourself physically and socially and professionally from the person(s) who raped you. i like when dick grayson suffers forever from unprocessed trauma but i want YOU 🫵 to be as kind to yourself as you are able to be. you can live a life where you rarely think about having been raped or molested or abused not because you're pushing it out of your mind but because your life is full and happy and you've taken good care of the wound so the scar is fading. i want you to have that.

Roy Harper can only experience emotional intimacy with people who are willing to hurt him and fuck with his head because otherwise he will maintain the persona forever and ever and they will never learn anything real about him. He is his most himself when he is suffering deeply because he doesn't have a single habit he hasn't curated to protect himself from harm... Even when you get past the initial easygoing recklessness, the huge ugly undercurrent of hatefulness and desire to see other people in pain isn't necessarily vulnerability, it's just another layer of defense! Ultimately he is obsessed with the fact that people keep hurting him and then LEAVING after. If you're focused on the anger you might not notice the sadness. He can stomach being hurt because he's always provoked that in people so it's not abuse, there are no INNOCENTS, maybe he got hurt but while they were hurting him he was special to them. To him love is just when a person fundamentally cannot leave you, and it doesn't matter why, affection and mutually assured destruction have the same outcome: Your existence always implies theirs. A person who never hurts him and especially who never sees him hurt fundamentally cannot entwine themselves into his life, no matter how much mutual affection there is.

This is why his most characterizing romantic relationship is with Dick despite them never explicitly dating btw. Dick is so so so fucking good at hurting him and it's because he's been around for EVERYTHING!!! When Dick wants to hurts his feelings he only says things that are TRUE! He has no reservations about physically fighting Roy if the situation really, truly calls for it, but he doesn't take any joy in this, the harm is never about getting something from Roy, it's ABOUT Roy. It's a big weird entanglement of unhealthy communication and catharsis because the only other thing Roy actually responds to is drugging himself out of existence! And crucially Roy hurts Dick too. Often, Roy hurts Dick first! And for these two freaks this IS implicitly romantic and you are insane if you think it's not, the understanding is that they will always be around to provide that for each other. And they're both so convinced they're the irredeemable monster and so angry at the other for thinking so that they hope they both get worse so they can hit rock bottom and look each other in the eyes and let that be the proof that they're still right fucking there whenever they're ready to start believing each other. But they never will. And also in Outsiders the gun is allegorically cock and they grapple and get really sweaty and make big horny pleading eyes at each other plus obviously they get big crazy boners from getting beat to paste and Roy doesn't "take" the "gun" because he got shot and now bottoming is scarryyyy!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry did tumblr just give me a full screen ad that I can only close after 5 seconds. I’ll uninstall the app and use you on an ad blocking browser you decrepit ass site

I self administered black tea to the point of madness.

dick and bruce's relationship is everything though. they're father and son but also work besties but also the unbearable micromanaging boss and the assistant who knows too much to be fired but also if siblings could be bitterly divorced but also holding a marriage together for the sake of the kids but also haunting each other's narratives

MY GOD

I have kind of a niche political view on tumblr, which is that I think misogyny is bad even when it’s just hurting women

and I don’t even think it needs to have a singular benefit for men for feminism and the abolition of patriarchy to be worthwhile

its probably a normal sign for the economy that all of my adulthood fantasies are like "imagine having your own kitchen living room and bathroom to decorate" "what if i could get on a train" "maybe one day i could purchase a sturdy pair of shoes" "i should save and invest in a single bicycle"