Excelsior.

"Kill yourself" is basic. "I hope your fandom gets a new installment that is objectively a great work but also tonally dissonant from the previous ones in a way that generates a huge newbie boom of people uninterested and hostile towards the history of the franchise" is smart. It's possible. It's terrifying. It's happening right now.

please, mr. jepsen is my father, call me maybe

Imagine being Jonathan Byers, you're quarantined in the town that hates you, sleeping on a couch in your estranged girlfriend's family basement, every day you wake up and Steve Harrington decides to have a competition for your girlfriend's attention, your mom is solely focused on your brother, your brother is mad you didn't set the alarm even though he's 15, the only adult giving you advice is the middle aged conspiracy theorist who owns the bunker you lost your virginity in, and also it's the apocalypse.

tbh if I was Bella Swan and some guy wanted to go to the beach w me up until he found out it was the one on the reservation and then I asked the kids from the tribe why he was weird about it and they said the Cullens don't come here :/ I would just assume I was trying to hit on the town's most notorious racist.

radiation is kind of sexy if u think about it

music is really cool because an artist will do an interview or something and say “this song is about my brutal divorce from my partner of 25 years” and i’m in my car listening to it like… no. this is about being 14 years old and sad to me.

Purging all of the neutrons from my house.

Smart idea

New problem

Girls Scouts encounter Bigfoot the most frequently. Part of their oath is to keep him a secret because he’s very kind and makes up 30% of their revenue due to his fervent love for thin mints.

As a Girl Scout leader, I am telling you that this is NOT true, and any former girl scout that says it is, should think about what they are saying and what oaths they may have sworn in the past

I have never seen "wtf" so clearly expressed on an animals face

He looks so fucking upset I can't breathe