Diary for my beloved blog

Seeing happy families together makes my heart ache for the simple routine we deserve but I am patiently putting in the work to build that beautiful life for us.

Sharing lunch with you at a food market I have loved for years felt like a beautiful new chapter in our story as a father and daughter.

Hearing you call for your daddy in the morning makes my heart warm and it makes me want to seize every second of the day we have together.

As soon as I saw your beautiful face I made big waving gestures. My heart melted when you smiled back and told me so sweetly that I am your friend.

The sun is shining and the park is calling but I am left staring at a silent phone.

I count down every second until our video call only to have our precious connection cut short by hands that want to keep us apart and silent.

I breathed in the scent of your head when you woke up and felt so accomplished because another night of restful sleep meant we were ready for a fun day.

I counted down the minutes until our extra time together but watching those hours get cut away feels like your childhood is slipping right through my fingers.

I watched you playing and remembered feeling so lost 2 years ago but seeing the confident and beautiful girl you're becoming fills me with such incredible pride.

My heart breaks every time I have to watch you walk away. Seeing our lives torn in half is the hardest part of being the parent who has to say goodbye.

You captured our first daddy daughter photo together today and I know it is a memory that I am going to treasure for the rest of my life.

I'm trapped in a nightmare where I cannot win no matter what I do. If I push I am harassing her but if I don't do anything I might look like I'm not interested.

I used to watch the clock with a heavy heart but this weekend time belonged to us and I finally felt a bit more like a normal father.

When you pulled my arm for a hug and called me your best friend everything felt right. Those spontaneous kisses are the fuel that gets me through the long weeks without you.

I’m so proud watching you play and explore the world with your beautiful smile. Giving you the special sign for your bedroom door was the highlight of my entire week.

I respond to your mother with such caution just to defend my right to care for you. It is exhausting to fight for the tiniest connection while she remains so inflexible.

The high chair is empty and home is far too quiet today. I feel foolish for my optimism when our beautiful plans can evaporate so quickly without any warning.