The Tales of Rubber Ducky

if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:

this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty

for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….

Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.

Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.

okay so tolkien tumblr is fast becoming my fave tumblr community thank you thank you all you are the true fellowship here.

roy mustang is like that old trope of a woman going “yeah i grew up with 7 brothers so thats why im so good at punching :)” except he grew up with 700 sisters and he’s the only one who ISNT good at punching

#MY DEAR MR. BENNET HAVE YOU HEARD NETHERFIELD IS LET AT LAST??

american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked

chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void. 

English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy

Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.

Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie

Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts

Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE

Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.

Lebanese recipes: If you don’t have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you aren’t doing it right.

Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because we’re going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.

Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, don’t do the last things. consider serving it with jam

Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.

Indian recipes: spend two weeks digging the required spices out of your cupboards. Chop onions until you cry. Fry onions with spices until evey pore in your body is open, let the fragrance seep into your skin, become one with the curry.

german recipes: this meal isn’t what you think it is. it has 164 different names in different regions. it’s either made of potatoes, served with potatoes, or it’s cake. there’s a 50% chance it’s actually austrian, but don’t tell anyone.

belarusian recipes: “cook over a slow fire until done”. how many degrees is a slow fire? when is “done”? what am i even cooking there’s no picture and the only ingredients are honey and cornflower

turkish recipes: “if you do this, there’s really -REALLY- good change that you’ll die because everything is too spicy or too sweet but here we go”

romanian recipes: if you don’t already know the ingredients and directions by heart then what are we doing here

Malay recipes: If it’s not spicy enough, it’s not worth it. You don’t have coconut milk? It’s doomed

Irish recipes: Potatoes. All potatoes. If it’s not potatoes it’s not food.

Estonian recipes: if it’s not brown, doesn’t look like turd and has no blood in it, you’ve failed

Lithuanian recipes: the main ingredient is potatoes. well, only potatoes. and eat it with half a loaf of rye bread

Japanese recipes: if you didn’t add even just a drop of shoyu to this then you’ve brought dishonor on your house. Also where’s your fish grill? And your rice cooker? You don’t even have a tamagoyaki skillet? You’re a disgrace.

Icelandic recipes: take your salt fish and your sheep meat. Make a soup. make a sweater with leftover sheep wool. Don’t want sheep or salt fish? Try slátur. It’s still sheep, but like, inside sheep. Still no good? Raid a nearby island nation and trade your sheep for their strange food.

Portuguese recipes: is it codfish? Doesn’t matter, just make sure you add olive oil. Are you sure you don’t want codfish? Maybe you should be making codfish.

@alpha-bread