my bitch post nasty

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

this is what GOOD pussy sounds like [geiger counter noises]

the first woman who saw cave paintings must've felt craaazyyyyyy. she couldn't even reblog them..

I WAS BORN YESTERDAY. I JUST BLEW IN FROM STUPID TOWN. THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.

ohh i get it now (doesn’t)

one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

"i think therefore i am" yeah well i jerk therefore i cum #bitch

God sometimes I'm writing smut and I'll like, delete a sentence because I'm like, no, I can't write that. It's too indulgent. And then it's like. Girl, what the fuck are you even going to the candy store for if you're just going to buy raisins. Get real.

"what the fuck are you even going to the candy store for if you're just going to buy raisins" is honestly the thing I needed to hear today

I wasn’t built to be employed. I need to stay up until 4 am like a normal person

cleaned out the garage and found my old thinking cap from when i would think

We need to replace all major cities with wooden boardwalk by river

He wrote a paper so insightful even his gang cited him

all babies are baby gender. you dress them stupid, in pumpkins and teddy bear suits