i gave you all i had

great minds think of dykes

i was speaking with a guy i work with and when leaving i said okay see you monday and he went oh no i wont be in monday. im going bald. and i said ?you're what? and he just repeated im going bald monday. wont be in

update: he didn’t show up on Monday and on Tuesday he was bald

Found the source of the infographic that explains how the results were obtained!

we did it, we created furry gerrymandering

ma'am, I'm going to place you on a brief hold while I look for a reaction image

The older i get the more i understand why some people become obsessed with privacy, not because they’re hiding something, but because being constantly perceived starts to feel spiritually exhausting.

Trying to sleep during a heatwave is a great reminder that all oil executives need to die painful painful deaths

since there is such an "english speakers who don't even try to pronounce a foreign mame correctly" epidemic, native english speakers often try to overcorrect and end up thinking they have a moral imperative to pronounce every foreign name correctly at all times. so i'm gonna hold your hand and look into your eyss as i say this: you can't. you can't pronounce every sound in a language you don't speak. and that's fine. it happens to the rest of us too. we won't be mad so long as you try your best.

what doesn’t kill me leaves a pit in my stomach that never goes away

"you don't know what you have until you lose it" works for things that suck too btw. sometimes you need to experience life without something for a while to realise oh damn that was some bullshit

the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not

you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot

You should never forget the Tommy Gun

World Heritage Post

i'll always meet someone described as not friendly, and it's just a person who doesn't smile or talk a lot unwarranted. I feel like I have to continuously explain to people that this is not inherently hostile behavior