I Got A Lotta Love In My Bitter Heart

Nails hair hips heels ass fat lips real purse full big bills bitch I'm a big deal legs legs face eyes thin waist thick thighs you me you wish new phone who this pussy puss puss give them cunt cunt cunt bitch mama yes god when you pop that tongue bitch this whole club is my runway run bitch y'all 5 4 3 2s I'm a 1 bitch girl what did that girl just say girl ooh girl I don't dance I work work I don't play I slay I don't walk I strut strut strut and then sasshay but I don't work for free that's not the tea hunty so make it rain on me and I might let you see watcha gonna let them see

firm believer you can't be a ''good person''. too much niuance to life.

you can be good (adjective) but you cannot be good (identity)

if you think you are good (identity) you are more likely to cause harm as you don't consider yourself to be capable of it

there’s absolutely something to be said about ‘booktok’ books being largely wattpad quality written erotica i’m certainly not reading them however having seen a guy on tiktok make a video like ‘all the women in your life are READING PORN’ about a book he picked up and read in his FEMALE FRIEND’S HOUSE in a tone of scandalised horror and disgust i actually don’t think men should be making those criticisms. he said he picked it up expecting a romance and was horrified it was GOONER SHIT he said specifically like ‘who are you getting your pussy wet FOR??’ in a tone of revulsion. idk man im not sure shes the weird one. i kind of wish you were dead

"a lot of books that are successful on booktok are not very good" and "people can read what they want and we need to stop being so fucking weird about women enjoying erotica" are both correct statements

at my local thrift warehouse where nothing’s priced and you make an offer on all the stuff you find. well i told the person at the register i’m on a budget and didn’t know if i could afford a rug i wanted and asked what they’d take for it and without missing even half a beat they said “how about a cup of blood?” then they started hopping up and down like a cheerleader and said “cup! of! blood!”

we settled on seventeen dollars cash.

the problem is i love to riff with people so it got deeply deeply weird for about 3 and a half minutes before we finally agreed on the price.

the king has abruptly fired 60% of his wizard staff, so he’s about to be abruptly surprised at who floated 100% of his formerly floating sky castle

I heard they're planning to maintain their levitation rites with autonomous constructs from now on, saying wizards are going to be totally obsolete within the season... so, ah, I'd invest in falling island insurance.

[image description: screenshot of tumblr tags reading "#Ironically the castle has only stayed floating because Archmage Dave was holding all the institutional knowledge from the original team #and also maintaining the Levitation Widget which is crucial to maintaining the gyroscope spells that stop the castle from flipping over #anyway Dave got axed because he wasn't 'innovating' #because instead he spent all day every day maintaining the Widget #hope His Majesty enjoys sitting in his throne while his house does a barrel roll" end description]

ⓘ A sewing machine is a device that provides a several-fold increase of the speed at which you can make mistakes

Everyone needs three hobbies: one to give you carpel tunnel, one to leave you sore and bruised, and one for your distant relatives to insist you monetize

Jerking off. Falling down the stairs. Fixing the wifi.

thought it comes from caves

am i thinking of QUARTZ again

easy mistake

ah, nuts

(coincidentally nuts also comes from caves)

you are thinking of quartz again

I’m sorry but this is the funniest thing I have ever seen ever in my fucking life her PEETS are STICKING OUT