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Peter ends up in DC (not in gotham omg) exactly where he was in his universe. It takes him a two full days to realize hes not in his universe bc he chalked a lot of the strangeness to the spell Strange casted
But nope. Hes in a new universe that has completely different heroes, and more importantly, completely different memes (what the hell is "do the butts match"??) And this place has a distinct lack of one Tony Stark
So Peter basically starts up Stark Enterprises in NY again bc he poor and its what Tony (probably) wouldve wanted. He had to pay for this metabolism somehow
But obviously peter needed an investor or twenty, but who needs more than one when Brucie Wayne exists?? Hes like a hunkier yet still bimbo Tony, and practically throws his money at any sad looking teen
But Brucie wayne ends up taking him under his wing, bc hes like. An 18/19 year old CEO and he is Very Concerned abt how this kid not only invented a new type of metal (vibranium) and a very powerful form of energy (arc reactors), so he pays extra attention bc he does NOT need a villain running around with that kind of power and intelligence to back it
And peter is cautious at first but ends up equating Brucie Wayne to Tony Stark (billionaire, playboy, philanthropist? Hello? Bruce is just a foot taller than tony and thats the only difference) and gets wayyyy too comfortable
Comfortable to the point that he kinda starts to treat Brucie Wayne like Tony stark, in that he kind just blurts out whatever hes thinking around hom and just randomly calls bruce to ask for help
"hey is *insert company* chill? They wanna do a collab or something? Idk"
Brucie Wayne, actively on air in a live interview "Funded an anti LGBTQ+ movement a couple months ago, Peter, they're so last season"
No one let's bruce live down he said that on live television. Bruce defends it by saying its what Brucie Wayne would've said in that situation. No one denies it.
"Hey, can I legally *smth stupid that Bruce absolutely also tried to do as a young CEO*?"
Bruce, actively on patrol. "...unfortunately, tha answer is yes, but i strongly advice against it"
"Your advice is strongly noted. Thanks, Mr Wayne!"
Theres yelling in the distance and some sort of explosion followed by maniacal laughter. Bruce hangs up the phone for his own peace of mind
"Mr wayne, I think i just developed a new energy arc reactor"
Bruce, actually sleeping for once "...Peter, it is 4:37 in the morning"
Peter ends up being basically Bruce's most unofficial son. Or maybe like a nephew that calls their uncle instead of their parents. Whatever is it, the public eats it up and the Batkids are Not Amused
Except Tim. Tim thinks peter is a riot, as a fellow young CEO. But also bc peter has literally no supervision, press training, or even council to answer to, so this witty (and angry tbh) teen (who was also recently widowed from his last family member)(aunt may) kinda just. Says whatever he wants and does whatever he wants (within reason)
Idk... I love my dick as Peter's dad trope, but bruce as Peter's almost-dad-maybe-uncle (its a weird gray area. Hes got issues, okay?) Is objectively hilarious
Bruce Wayne catching peter as Spider-man or half dressed in the suit,,, his instincts as a father, Brucie Wayne persona, and vigilante life all merge together into one, immaculate reply
"Peter Benjamin Parker, what the fuck?"
Dysfunctional found family my beloved,,,
OH OH AND imagine they find out they're all vigilantes right?? So peter uses the design from the iron spider to make them nanite suits too they'd look so fire Tim would LOVE it
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that man has been trying to climb this tower since he was 16. he has asked multiple times, and every time they said no, but now he’s famous enough & variety was able to convince them to do a shoot on the tower. it all led here. it was all for this.
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You: (very drunk, holding Gaz's pretty little face in your hands) "ooooh my goodness, look at youuu oh so pretty hehe your just a mini teeny tweeny handsome sass monster"
Gaz: (genuinely too sober to care and low-key enjoying the attention) "mhm...whatever you say luv"
You: "mmm it doesn't even matter your a little autistic, heh it helps~"
Gaz: "huh-what?"
You: (putting your fingers against those plump kissable lips and shushing him) "nono hush shhh no more talking, just sit there and be YOU"
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regulus will say 'so i fucked up a bit' and sirius will have to brace himself for something like 'i wore mixed metals in public' or 'i actively killed someone' and there is never anything in between
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