Decaffienated with Onions

Heat from fire Fire from heat Interchanging energy Kinetic and potential

Potential To be myself Born from the flame A phoenix's very first life

I'm the egg, cracked and hatching; I'm the chicken, too I'll bring myself into the world No thanks to you

I don't know how to make things better (If I did, I would still have a home) I don't know how to put you at ease (If I did, I would still have a home) I don't know the right things to say (If I did, I would still have a home) Don't know why it hurt you more for me to stay (If I did, would I still have a home?)

Don't just want to be tolerated, Welcomed with words and secretly hated, I'm done being your pariah I guess I'm just too poor a liar

I can't hide when something hurts (If I could, would I still have a home?) I can't pretend things'll be alright (If I could, would I still have a home?) I can't turn off my fear for you (If I could, would I still have a home?) Can't make my body sleep at night (If I could, I would still have a home)

Don't just want your pity, but Some comforting, some empathy I'm done being just a pain I guess I'm circling the drain

Antiques and artifacts Witness to memories and fears A confluence of stories, Timelines in a mismatched room.

The things remember different people, Have lasted through storylines and relationships and moves— But they're still the same things With those same ancient marks Blemishes and nicks whose stories The newcomers will never know.

Memories of the good times Can't be passed on Mention of an ex shuts down the conversation, Seals the subject with the memory. Objects give the lie to denial, Bear testament.

A newfound found family Young and optimistic, if broken, Lacks common continuity Only has trust In pain and trauma, Hope and healing

[INTRO/VERSE 1] A rubber band that's about to snap Radio dialing from static to static Hiss and the crack of too many electrons Surge and a whiff of my burnt-carbon ozone

Band is stretched out to its limit Only commercials—station break, station break Thoughts carried off by too many electrons Forget down-to-Earth, I live up in the ozone

[CHORUS 1] What can I do? Might seem obvious to you Heavy hearts and level heads Tethered to balloons of lead

Where can I find Stability of mind? Peace I've never felt on Earth Feelings to give life its worth

Where can I go If I don't want to know? Stuff it all back in a bottle Try to run away full throttle

How can I live Knowing something has to give? I did not ask to exist But I was too weak to resist

Pour one for my sisters Who have never felt kindness Existences denied, we Sail past in your blindness

A ship's a sister fair In blinding canvas skirts bedecked Her sturdy strength beneath Stands ever waiting and erect

Timber, hemp, and iron; Pitch and brass and bone; A lady who's assembled Over fluid waves to roam

Her beauty and her grace The menfolk all do know Their hands they work upon her She casts her eyes down low

I'm bigender transgender agender I'm more than a label

I'm a blob a creature ugly and beautiful More than the sum of my features

I'm a woman a person an animal a man

I'm everything nothing how could I choose?

[Chorus I] Grass is always greener On the other side of the hill. If you can take the pain, You better leave While you still got the will.

[Verse 1] People leaving Florida for Texas But they aren't welcome there. People leaving Texas for Minneapolis, But they still runnin' scared.

Oh, headin' out from Minnie to Portland, As soon as they got the dough. Keep travelin' the road up to Seattle, But they still ain't found a home.

[Chorus II] You know the grass is always greener On the other side of the fence. If I could leave, You best believe I would if I had the chance.

Couldn't come out of my shell 'Cause there were no cracks in it. Instead I boiled inside Too scared of life to live it.

Now that my egg cracked, I can't ooze through the hole Peeling away this shell's My only way to be born.

Crack by crack and bit by bit Poking at my fingers The sulfur of my stillborn life An odor that malingers.

I'm not just yolk--I don't pour out To fill another's mold Might hurt, but you're not gonna fit me Through a smaller whole.

A fish-lipped man, a comfy chair The only sound is rushing air He takes a nap, don't make a peep Though signs around say DO NOT SLEEP A homeless man without much hair Slinks on up and takes a chair His blankets warm, his bedbugs fat He doesn't stick around like that He knows that he must move along While I just groove out to my song Will I grow old in this library? Will I just stay this fat and hairy? Do I deserve my youth, my luck? Does anybody give a fuck?

There but for the grace of God go I! There but for the grace of God go I!

Homeless man talks to nobody Waves his hand again at nothing Who's to say he doesn't see The truth of what is wrong with me? His greasy curls, his faded eyes Too tired to think up no lies In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man Started himself a rock 'n roll band From rock 'n roll to Toys 'R' Us Just kill me now, I don't wanna grow up The rich eat up unjust desserts I beat my chest and rip my shirt

There but for the grace of God go I! There but for the grace of God go I!

Saw my reflection In a glass door today But I wasn't there Instead some doughy lump walked up Round face and messy hair

Where's Ramona Flowers? Where's the girl inside? The boy is gone, doesn't she know She doesn't need to hide?

Where's Zooey Deschanel And her straight-ass bangs? Can't I be whimsical and moody Have a little fling?

Where's Leeloo in her strips of cloth, Born sexy yesterday? Can't I seduce with “multipass,” Lead your heart astray?

Where's Kate Winslet Erasing some boy's mind? Don't you know I have the right To do that anytime?

I want to be weak at the knees Legs turned to jelly, Roll over, show my belly I'll be your pet.

I want to be helpless before you A tug on my leash A yelp and a squeak To tell you I'm yours.

I want to be out of my body It's yours like a puppet You put your hand up it To make me speak.

I want to lose all control Hand over the reins Take over my brain Making pleasure from pain To make me feel good.

I want to be out of my mind Content and defiled Seeing you smile As you watch me release.

I want to be sated, fulfilled By the mess we have spilled Liquid love, such a thrill The shuddering stops.

I was born a changeling Away in Tír na nÓg Left upon a hillock Beside a lonely bog

My double, say the Neighbors No iron ever touched Except our father's hammer That in his hand he clutched

The poor girl moved the Fair Folk, Who spirited away Her soul to rest and mercy As on the ground she lay

And in her place, they left me Out on that lonely bog Above her grave, the Fae Folk gave A grieving woman hope.

O, to have good Neighbors O, to be alive! A drunken man's heavy hand Should never hold a life

Too many stimuli Brain overload Can't fake it 'til I make it 'Cause I never learned to lie

Too precious My fragile little life Failure to launch Even after the champagne

Too frozen Deer in the headlights Can't process the car I'm a baby fawn

Too old Without growing up Need a new life Malewife to failwife

Too flighty I want to be seen But I just run away Never saying a thing

Too hilarious-- What's wrong with me? Everything's trauma, Stop with the drama Stop trying so hard And just be.