#reminiscence

Hinata smiles kindly at those who passes her. Whether it’s her sweet sister, her lovely teammates, the townsfolk, and even Miss Mizue, who gives everyone the stink eye when they pass her as she tends to her garden beneath a large sunhat. Most get the bare minimum uptick of the corner of her lips. But there are those that she gives no such grace to.

Kiba once told her there wasn’t a mean bone in her body.

That might be true, she thinks. But it doesn’t mean she is the nicest person in the world.

That title probably belongs to Naruto. Maybe Chōji, or Lee.

But not Hinata.

There are those that she sees and cannot muster a single iota of anything except contempt. Disdain, and it shows on her face, she thought. But the only person who ever pointed it out was her sister. Perhaps her demeanor is just too frail and uninspired to conjure any such feeling of intimidation from what she could only assume was a glare on her face. In the shops, Hanabi had pointed a finger right in her face with a concerned eyebrow raised and asked, “The hell is that?”

The street was crowded and bustling, but no one could ever miss the boisterous laugh of Naruto.

Naruto, surrounded by fawning girls who endeavored his attention. Grabbed at it with their greedy little paws, something she specifically remembers Ino saying and is surprised to find herself echoing the sentiment to herself. Just girls who had always sneered and look down upon the boy, who had crossed their arms and lifted their noses to the sky, simple insults levied. Those who never really appreciated Naruto and his heart. Not like Hinata had. Not like she had from the very beginning with no strings attached. A deep fondness that she had been convinced no one could break. No man, no woman, no person.

Hinata would always love Naruto.

That’s why when she’s confronted with her new reality post-war once more and the face of Sasuke fills her vision, she nearly jumps out of her skin.

When had he returned?

“Glare any harder and you’ll seal the chakra points of everyone in a five-kilometer radius.”

“Shut up.”

The words slip off her tongue without permission, hardly held back at all. Her expression contorts into confusion and offense, as if it had been someone else who had told her to shut up. As if she hadn’t just off the cuff told Sasuke to-

Shut. Up.

If she had been an onlooker to this interaction, she probably would have found his surprised expression rather humorous. The way he tilts his head and leans back, blinks, and smirks. She turns her head so he is fully out of her line of sight.

Right now, she can only resent him for interrupting her spiraling mind. These days, she finds herself willing and ready to accept the bitterness. The escalation is welcome, she sometimes thinks, because at least anger is easier to feel than sadness.

Sadness is something she’s felt for too much of her life. Her mother. Her uncle. Her brother.

“Do you resent it?”

Hinata hasn’t bothered to look directly at Sasuke until now. His smug expression has softened, she dares to think. Even looks a little curious and she wonders just what in the world he’s doing here.

“Do you?” she asks back, quicker and snippier than she means to. Or perhaps she does mean to. She’s not sure where she lands on being snarky as she progresses into her twenties.

Silence sits, so she turns away again.

Grumpy.

She’s grumpy.

She’d never allowed herself to feel anything like that before. Being unpleasant was…well, unpleasant. That’s not something a Hyūga lady should be. Proper and generous and kind. Those were Hyūga lady qualities.

Lady Hinata is amicable.

Sasuke seems to think as much when he recoils.

Just like everyone else.

“Cranky.”

The simple word makes her jolt up and look him right in the face. His genuinely interested expression almost disarms her, but that crankiness, the grumpiness, whatever it is, wins out and she glares.

Glares at this man that made so much trouble. Glares at this man that forced the highest powers to put her friends at risk. Glares at this man that comes from a massacred family. Glares at this man that somehow came back to sanity. Glares at this man who is somehow softer than he had been as a boy.

Glares at a man she wonders deserves her empathy. Sympathy. Understanding and listening.

“Why are you even here?” she asks, gripping the siding of the brick wall she sits on. He seems to think it over a bit, even looks away and nods his head side to side.

“Can’t stand it either, I guess.”

With that, he gets up and leaves.

Hinata watches him walk away, all the way down the shops, until he reaches the neighborhoods and turns. She can’t take her eyes off it. She frowns, deeply.

She’s not sure where happiness lies, but it isn’t here.

And she’s got no idea what to do about it.

How to be happy, how to make peace.

It’s all foreign and horrible because her go to has been ambivalence.

Well.

She exists.

She’ll have to figure it out someway or another.