#alienation

Mary Jo Bang, from A Film in Which I Play Everyone: Poems; “Hotel Incognito”

So, back in 2012, when I was part of a work exchange in Turkey, I had about 3 months of break when the place I used to work at ended activities for the summer.

The salary I was provided by the program was just about enough to purchase food, cleaning supplies, transportation and all the other basics. It also helped that me and the other 2 roommates on the same program pooled the salary to have more money for ourselves in the end.

So for 3 months of my life I didn't have to show up to work but I also was paid money to cover living expenses and a little bit left for splurging.

What little was left after budgeting for the necessary I had to stretch across the month until the next payment. That meant going to the movies maybe once a month, one beer at the bar that had to last for the entire night, and eating treats maybe just a couple of times a week.

If I had been legally allowed to, I would've found a part time job to make more money. But my contract said that being employed at another place would be motive for firing.

Living in these conditions is weird because it's not like I was gonna starve or end up in the street but at the same time I felt limited because I couldn't do as many things as I wanted to, least I ended up broke.

Most of those 3 months consisted on cooking meals with care, reading a lot, drawing a lot, watching series on pirated websites, And taking walks maybe 2 times a day... and I mean 3-4 hour walks. Hanging out with friends had to be rationed because most of the times it meant spending money in transportation, meals, or drinks.

And one time I did go broke one week before the next paycheck. I had to let my roommates bank my transportation during that week and aside from that, the only entertainment I could have had to be at home because I literally didn't have money for anything else.

So while I wasn't worried about sustenance or shelter I still was worried about other things; not running out of money was still one of them. I wanted things like books, figures, treats that I couldn't afford. I still thought about what to do with my life 10 years from then (I still had to finish uni), about dating, about my friends, about where the world was going.

Maybe I could've found a job off the books; waiting tables, drawing for commissions, or something. But I was 19 and I didn't know how easy would've been to wiggle out of that problem if my employers had caught me.

The Seventh Seal (1957)