“sometimes I get jealous of people who are mentally stable, and then I remember that I have cool socks, and you don’t”
-spencer reid (probably)
This is such a mood 🤣

tannertan36
almost home
ojovivo
KIROKAZE
cherry valley forever
h
i don't do bad sauce passes
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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JVL
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

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@theartofmadeline
Not today Justin
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@death-muffins
“sometimes I get jealous of people who are mentally stable, and then I remember that I have cool socks, and you don’t”
-spencer reid (probably)
This is such a mood 🤣

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My bisexual ass can’t handle this! Lord save me I’m going to hell🔥❤️👹
Look at Matthew’s hands!? Paget’s facial expression!?
Reblog if you genuinely support asexuals
It terrifies me that there’s so much raging passion in the lgbt+ community that insist on marginalizing asexuals and implying that asexuals don’t deserve to have safe spaces. There’s still so much acephobia so I just wanna know which blogs are genuinely supportive and a safe space for asexuals
i think i’ll continue to wear a mask when this shit’s all over, and huge sunglasses. my face is none of your business
(source)
Whoa, I didn’t realize that it was so deliberate, I honestly thought it was unconscious
Scary, scary.
Gonna add on to this: From the other side of the bar, I see this crap all the time. Seriously. I work at a high-density bar, and let me tell you, I have anywhere from 10-20 guys every night come up and tell me to, “serve her a stronger drink, I’m trying to get lucky tonight, know what I mean?” usually accompanied with a wink and a gesture at a girl who, in my experience, is going to go from mildly buzzed to definitively hammered if I keep serving her. Now, I like to think I’m a responsible bartender, so I usually tell guys like that to piss off, and, if I can, try to tell the girl’s more sober friends that they need to keep an eye on her. But everyone- just so you know, most of the time, when someone you don’t know is buying you a drink, they’re NOT doing it out of a sense of cordiality, they’re buying you a drink for the sole purpose of making you let your guard down. So:
Tips for getting drinks-
1. ALWAYS GO TO THE BAR TO GET YOUR OWN DRINK, DO NOT LET STRANGERS CARRY YOUR DRINKS. This is an opportune time for dropping something into your cocktail, and you’re none the wiser.
2.IF YOU ORDER SOMETHING NON-ALCOHOLIC, I promise you, the bartender doesn’t give two shits that you’re not drinking cocktails with your friends, and often, totally understands that you don’t want to let your guard down around strangers. Usually, you can just tell the bartender that you’d like something light, and that’s a big clue to us that you’re uncomfortable with whomever you’re standing next to. Again, we see this all the time.
3. If you’re in a position to where you feel uncomfortable not ordering alcohol:
Here’s a list of light liquors, and mixers that won’t get you drunk, and will still look like an actual cocktail:
X-rated + sprite = easy to drink, sweet, and 12% alcoholic content. Not strong at all, usually runs $6-$8, depending on your state.
Amaretto + sour= sweet, not strong, 26%.
Peach Schnapps+ ginger ale= tastes like mellow butterscotch, 24%.
Melon liquor (Midori, in most bars) + soda water = not overly sweet, 21%
Coffee liquor (Kahlua) +soda = not super sweet, 20%.
Hope this helps someone out!
Backing this up from years of bar tending.
Adding to this:
When I was a fresh bartender, I had a couple sitting in the corner, already drinking when I started my shift. They seemed like they knew each other really well considering how much they had their hands on one another. But I still came by and asked if they were okay. The man just waved me off while the woman said, “I need some water.”
The man laughed it off and told me, “She doesn’t need any water. She’s fine.”
She was not fine. Clearly. I decided I was going to cut the two off anyway and bring them some water. As I was filling up the glasses, I heard the woman say, “Stop. I said no. I don’t feel good.”
Her tone and attitude changed instantly. She kept pushing his hand away when he reached for her face, turned her head away when he tried to kiss her. Loudly told him, “Stop. I’m done for tonight.”
So I made sure to refill her water the moment she finished it, and I stayed within earshot of them the whole night. And every time I did, the man got mad at me, told me to leave them alone. Their friends were there, surrounding them and told me that those two always fought when they were drunk and apologized, so I relaxed a little. But the last time I refilled her drink, I heard a loud crash.
She fell out of her stool and hit her head on the floor. And he calmly drank his drink. Their friends didn’t even blink. I jumped over the bar to tend to her and he just said, “Don’t worry, I’ll take her home. She always ends up like this. She drinks too much.”
But it didn’t sound right.
Then the woman began convulsing.
I yelled for the other bartender to call 911 and when I did, the guy suddenly disappeared. I tried asking thr friends questions about him and they just blew it off as the woman being a black our drunk. And one of them said, “We’ll get her home. Don’t worry.”
But when thr EMTs showed up with the police, they all disappeared too.
A few days later the woman came with an attorney. She asked me and the other bartender who worked before me some questions. Turns out, she didn’t know any of those people. They weren’t her friends or her boyfriend. They had met that night, when the guy asked her if he could buy her a drink. At the hospital, they found traces of Rohypnol in her system.
The guy had Roofied her. And his friends were in on it.
The security camera footage showed he had put something in her drink when she left for the bathroom before my shift.
So seriously, it happens. You have to be careful with your drinks! Always watch it, don’t let anyone handle it, and take it with you wherever you go–even the bathroom. Or if you’re a regular at that bar, ask the bartender to put it behind the bar. We’ll do it.
Rb for that last add, don’t ever worry about being polite! Protect urself!
REBLOG AND SPREAD THE WORD!
Never EVER trust men
Take it one further, never, ever, trust strangers. Look, I’ve flown wing man with many a friend, gay, straight, and any other stripe of the rainbow. I’m your drink watcher, I’m the sober driver, I’m getting everyone home. Unless we’ve agreed, in advance, that you aren’t coming home with me…and even then you get a status check before you split. I’ve seen women play just as dirty as men. It’s great to have drinks bought for you, but you owe them nothing. Remember, you didn’t ask that person to buy you a drink, they just did. If you don’t have a watcher, and the bar can’t cover, either finish the drink before the bathroom, take it in with you, or simply never finish it. You didn’t buy it, you aren’t out anything!
Non-alcoholic drinks that look like booze:
Seltzer water or club soda with a wedge of lime or lemon
Ginger ale or Sprite with a splash of grenadine (aka Shirley Temple)
Spicy V-8 or tomato juice
Coke and grenadine (aka Roy Rogers)
Iced tea and lemonade (aka an Arnold Palmer)
Kombucha
Sparkling cider or grape juice
You can also ask for virgin mojitos, daiquiris, or pretty much any fancy cocktail - bartenders have plenty of simple syrups and juices they can combine for something spectacular without a drop of alcohol.
Reblogging for this last list especially because guys, don’t assume how much alcohol you can handle if you don’t know.

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I can’t believe they oblitered straight men like that
@tabbran please add lemon man story to this
PRESENTING LEMON MAN
That was a wild goddamn ride
god this was worth the read
Yes this is long but I promise you the story of lemon man is worth knowing. And reblogging.
What a ride
I summoned a shitload of willpower to continue this despite my ADD. WORTH IT
l e m o n m a n
Lemon man: ALL women and GAY MEN cannot do SHIT they are all USSELESS and yalls business will FAIL unless you have a MAN in CHARGE
jj: lmao what
Lemon man: what???? huh?????? u triggered?????????
jj: whatever you say lemon man
lemon man:
GOD TIER POST RIGHT HERE
Nice ending for this…
Wow that was a ride
fantastic
holy shit they juiced him
What a perfect example of why I’m sad/glad that I don’t have a twitter
Ok but also Lemon Man was the one that had no other name thing that identified him. Just two emojis, one of which was a lemon. That’d be like if someone here didn’t stick their name in their bio and got butthurt that they were called some form of their url smh
“THEY JUICED HIM”
An epic saga worthy of following to the end; 10/10, IGN
men will be like “women are way to emotional to be in power” and then try to sue you because you say something they don’t like
I was wayyyyy too entertained by this 😂😂 totally worth the read
Lemon Man: Hur dur, women can’t be CEOs
jj: ok, whatever “Lemon Man”
Lemon Man:
lmaoo i can’t
oh god now i gotta listen to lemon boy by cavetown
Best thing I read today and it was worth it.
On that note….
I would totally go to a gym that is strictly : women, lesbian, gay, trans. Perfect gym.
This was totally worth the time it took to read. #noregrets
Totally worth the read 😂😂😂
*SLAMS REBLOG BUTTONS*
Y E S
Y.E.S
Y E S
Y e S s S
Soulmate AU
Before you meet your soulmate you have to deal with a chibi version of them before actually meeting them. So can he handle it?
Hawks point of view
Reader's view coming soon...
He wasn't even 18... He had reached his 13 when it happened.
The hero comission never once talked to him about the said chibis, just honestly thinking that if Takami didn't interacted with anyone besides them, then he wouldn't had one. Soulmates were too distracting, and it could potentially bring a failure to Keigo's almost non stopping training.
Every time the winged boy would ask what were those things on their heads or shoulders they would ignore him or just tell for him to keep focusing on the training.
One day, sulking on his room with his old but inseparable Endeavour's toy, he pressed it again the chest, making the 'woosh' manifest and also to make the kid to smile a bit... only for a minute though...
He was tired and even sore from all his training... how much he wished he at least could have a friend again... someone who he could talk or even rely on excluding those guys in tuxedos who always told him what to do and where to go.
He really was a bird in a cage huh...? But he accepted that, if that meant he could be a great hero like him... then he shouldn't be complaining, right?
Before tears could threaten to form on his golden eyes his feathers ruffled when he heard and sensed it something moving on his room. Shooting up from his bed and already on guard, he narrowed his eyes like a true Hawk before sending one of his sharp feathers to where the sounds of something moving were coming from.
A wounded squeak came from the spot and he slowly came to the spot to see a tiny little thing, curling up their hand on their red bloddied cheek as tears rolled down their round cheeks. They looked like it much those things he always asked about for the men so regret suddenly came to his senses.
"Oh crap!" He whispered shouted, kneeling down and curling his wings behind his back as he tried to coax them to him "I'm sorry, I didn't meant to hurt you if I knew it was something like you..." he spoke on a hushed tone, crawling them on his palm only to blush at the pout they gave it to him "I said I'm sorry..." he mumbled before it squeaked at him again.
Looking at them again his amber eyes widened at seing them smiling at him and patting the tip of his nose, like it was some sort of way too tell him it was okay.
"You're bleeding..." he whispered regretfully before his wings went up at sensing someone coming. "Stay quiet." He hushed before hidding you along with his Endeavour plush before looking at the door to see one of his mentors.
"Takami. Is time for your training then dinner." The blond kid nodded before following the man hesitantly, sneaking one glance at his bedroom.
.
.
.
He almost passed his door from how fast he was flying before landing on the ground and opening the door. Bandages and snacks hidden on his shirt and arms as he nibbled on a piece of chicken.
"Hey... You're there..?" He spoke, uncharestically shy as he started to worry that his little possible friend had gone... as well...
A sudden squeak made him look at the desk the commision gave to him for study and Keigo immediatly brighten up at seing them there smilling at him.
"You're still here!" He whispered in relief before taking a seat on his desk, letting go of all the things he brought/stole from the dinner table and when they were patching him up after the training.
It squeaked at him again before hugging his hand, the first from a long time comfort he had made him smile as he introduced the bandages to help the injury himself had caused.
Thankfully it was a small little cut.. so it shouldn't be too bad.
"You eat right? I brought these things since I didn't know which one you would like, personally chicken is my favorite." He talked with a smirk before it looked at his wings flapping in glee before to his face with a worried look.
"What?" He looked over at his shoulder only to let out a chuckle "Is different! I'm not one of them so it's okay!"
It squeaked at him again before stealing a nibble from his own chicken. Making him widen his eyes before laughing and chasing the little thing while giggling.
"Give it back little thief is mine! You have a lots of food!" It squeaked at him again before he froze at hearing knocks.
"Takami? Is everything alright in there?" Came the nonchantly voice as he holded them like his life depended on it.
"Uh... yeah yeah! I'm just scretching my wings a bit!"
"Well do that in the morning." He sighed in relief as he looked at the little creature in his arms with a smile.
"We have to remain quiet, I dont know what they would do to you if they discovered this..." he spoke worriedly only to blush a bit when it kissed his cheek with the most quiet squeak, making him giggle after his inicial shock.
.
.
.
Years had passed since them. One day, with his little companion hidden on his jacket he came to discover what it exactly was when he annoyed one of the hero commision workers about it.
"Its a chibi Hawks."
"Eh?"
"A chibi is like a tiny version of your future partner. I had mine last year, so naturally when the time is right, I will find my soulmate."
His eyes widen a bit, feeling his chibi moving secretly on his neck as his whole body shivered in giddy.
"Although-" came another voice, the superior from behind him "They usually would appear when you reached 18 or 20 years Hawks... but since you dont have one, is a one less distraction and one step closer for you to be the perfect hero out there."
He furrowed his eyebrows at narrowed his eyes at the man, anger building on his chest before he manage to let out a sarcastic chuckle.
"Well, fuck my personal life right?" He laughed more while leaving the room and waving at them, only to let down his wings along with his mood before he felt two little arms cuddling on his neck and kissing it.
"Ah? Trying to comfort me now little dove?" He spoke on a more brighter tone as the chibi squeaked back at him. "Hang on tight, let's leave this place" he said it casually before spreading his wings wide and taking a flight.
The chibi was his safe place, the only thing that made him sane after all this suffocating training and what would come next his life as a secret agent, soon enough coming to interact with the league of villains itself.
Walking with hands on his pockets before ordering two yakitori and offering to his chibi with a bright smile.
"So, soon I'm going to meet your real self them? I cant wait to see their faces." He closed his eyes in joy when the chibi squeaked back at him while enjoying their meal.
His peace was cutted in half when a newbie on his agent called him to an event of numbering the heroes and all that bullshit he wasn't willing to go. But was forced too since after All might's fall, he clbecame the number 2 hero. Hawks the winged hero.
.
.
.
He couldn't help but chuckle at during the speech he made before passing the microphone to Endeavour at feeling his chibi giggling on his jacket.
He should at least had expected Endeavour grabbing him by the colar after the show he made.
"What the hell were you thinking boy?!" He only laughed it off but the chibi squeaked in fear and accidentaly fell on the ground, making both men to widen their eyes and even serve the flames of the number one hero off.
"..."
"..."
"... I can explain." Came his response as Endeavour let him down on the ground again.
.
.
.
He was worried that the chibi could fell from his jacket but lifes were in danger as the number one hero fought that Nomu.
And it didn't helped much knowing that him, Dabi, hadn't made their deal a thing, hurting people wasn't the freacking plan.
Walking with his head down, only a feather left his attention suddenly came back to reality when his chibi started to grip on his jacket and squeak loudly.
"Woah hey dove wait, I have to visit Endeavour on the hospital-" ignoring his words the chibi jumped from his pocket and ran away "h-HEY WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT KEEPING IN SECRET WE TALKED ABOUT HUH?!" he went after his chibi almost freacking out since he couldn't exactly fly until his wings grew again and his heart almost dropped when the chibi jumped from where they were.
"DOVE!" He shouted in horror before seing a flash of red passing through them, like a skilled bird, a chibi version carrying his little dove appeared to greet him as he holded dove on bridal style. Making him breath a sigh of relief.
"Would you look at that, two birds of a feather." He chuckled before his own version of chibi montioned for him to follow them before flying away.
After a few minutes they were now on a park as he followed him, smirking and even getting a bit jealous of how much his chibi was kissing his dove and how much they were loving it.
His chibi version squeaked before flying faster to, him trailing after them before stomping on his tracks at seing a much beautiful and real version of his dove. Looking around with tears threatening to spill from their eyes before gasping when seing his little version squeaking at them.
"You bird brain! How much did you wanted to-... to.." you seemed to notice the new companion that his chibi had before it squeaked, showing himself nearby.
It was like a freacking cupid had shot him... You were far more beautiful on there. The moonlight making your eyes and skin glow as he slowly took steps towards you.
"H-Hawks..." you greeted as he couldn't help but chuckle at how red you were as your chibis versions watched from their spot
"Since we're soulmates, I guess you should at least call me Keigo..." he mused with a smile, taking his visor off to take a good look at you, frowning when he saw a scar on your cheek that remembered it much of when he hurted his chibi version unintentionally.
"Keigo.." he snapped of his thought at hearing his name falling from your lips as you brushed his bangs away from him "(Y/n)." You smiled at him as he carresed your scar with his gloved thump.
"How long do you have this?" He asked, noticing how you got insecure and just tightening his hold on you since he didn't ever wanted to break apart from his soulmate again.
"Since my childhood I guess... It was out of no where." You mumbled in embarrassment but still with a smile before you felt his forehead touching yours as he smiled at you.
"I like it chickadee." You snorted before a series of giggles escaped your lips he so desperately wanted to try to kiss.
"Chickadee? Really?" You asked breathless as he let out a raspy chuckle.
"Well, you did called the little fella over there birdbrain. Guess we're mates for life..." he mused with his husky voice as the chibis prefered to watch from afar on a nearby tree.
Kirishima with an undercut
Share if you agree
five pumps of liquid sugar
HAWKS x F!QUIRKLESS!READER
— synopsis: you didn’t do much after getting through high school. you got an associates degree in business and just rented an apartment above an empty store to open a small tea/coffee shop on a quiet street in japan. you had a few regulars and always had a few tourists passing through, but never really a crowd. you were happy with your quiet life, up until a certain prohero all but flew in through your doors one warm afternoon and threw you for a loop.
— warnings: fluff, canon divergence, tooth-rotting fluff, coffee shop au, hawks is a red-tailed hawk and i use that to my advantage, possible slight ooc
— word count: 4.5k
— a/n: this… this is peak self indulgence. not apologizing for it though
≿————- ❈ ————-≾
now playing: fly love by jamie foxx
≿————- ❈ ————-≾
Keep reading

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Honey, Honey
— Ground Zero, Deku, and Shouto are scheduled to have a meet-and-greet at a primary school to boost their rankings. There, Bakugou unexpectedly meets a kindergarten teacher with a sweet smile who likes to call people honey.
pairing: pro hero!bakugou x fem!reader word count: 3,027 genre: pro hero au, teacher!reader, fluff
a/n: ahh this was so fun to write and it made me realize how much i’ve missed writing pro hero au’s hjhgjkfg,, i def need to write them again!! i hope you enjoy!! xx
“I don’t get why we have to do this stupid meet and greet,” grumbled Bakugou under his breath. “Isn’t this the same shit we were forced to do as interns?”
Todoroki shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad. You’re only upset because the last time we went, the children liked Midoriya more than you.”
Keep reading
Remember kids it's not really a slow burn fic if you read it fast enough
before you say ‘i do’
—where in Bakugou acts a little softer when he realizes you guys are going to get married soon
word count: 2,685 of fluff!!
a/n: i was looking at these two reqs like hmmm these are both fluffy reqs, can i combine them? and i was like omg that’s actually possible! i was so excited when i thought of how to combine these two so here you guys go!!
*~*~*~*~*
Keep reading
Mina: What's the best way to hide a body?
Kirishima: When I was a kid I had this idea that you find somewhere to hide the body temporarily, then leave an anonymous tip to the police for another location. They dig there and don't find it and leave, then you take the body there and bury it. The freshly turned dirt won't look suspicious and the cops won't look there because they already did
Sero: I think the most unsettling part of this is he started this with "When I was a kid"
I finally did one of these things, feat. things I likes in fanfictions. This is a love letter to all the writers out there, ya’ll keep making those fucking fics, all of our lives depend on it u,,-,,u

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Postman: Delivery for… Sacred Master of Dark Spirits and All That Is Unholy?
Tokoyami, standing in his dark room, stroking dark shadow ominously: Oh, cool, my pillow pet! Where do I sign?
Shinsou: permission to give a fuck?
Aizawa: permission denied.
Shinsou: thank god.