Maya

Absolute Batman #20 by Scott Snyder

It's well-established in Gotham that Batman cannot die and stay dead. Gotham itself will wrench him back to the land of the living if one of his kids doesn't get there first. So Batman dies, and everyone is mostly just annoyed...

Dick: "You think I'm gonna be Batman again? Absolutely not. Get back here."

Jason: "Yeah, no, this is copyright infringement. Get back here this instant, old man."

Tim: "I dragged you back once; I will do it again. Get back here right now."

Cass: stares at the grave until he spontaneously resurrects, apologizing, like "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry."

(This is not because Cass is unable to speak, but because she's Batman's daughter and they can communicate silently with better clarity than with words, obviously)

Stephanie: "We are way too understaffed for this. How dare you leave."

Damien: "I will fight whatever entity is in charge of death if you do not return this instant."

the last time I reblogged this post right before I got a great job, in a permanent work-from-home position, with benefits, retirement, and a salary literally 3x what I was making before, doing something I really like. 

So you know. 

The genes are on point!! O.M.G 💖💖🔥🔥

And this is lowkey different from yknow- Grayson or Todd- Alright?? Cause I highkey am just staring veryyyy respectfully at Tim's fuckass legs(????) in most of the panals that he's in-

It's fucking insane-

I mean just look at this guy-

Like...

Very respectfully...

"B?" He calls at a barely lit hallway. And the echo answers back. He tuts, and keeps searching forward.

He hears voices, so he follows them.

The door of Bruce's office is fully open and... That's the dick. He's not cursing. He introduced himself as that. And he might be cool and big and smart and the big brother he always wanted... But he makes B sad. And B makes pancakes and laughs at Jason's jokes and gives him a roof and a warm bed and kisses his forehead and puts silly bandaids on his bruises... How dare he make his da- Bruce sad?

Dick is yelling. Bruce isn't. Bruce should scream more. He gets so quiet, and Jason hates it.

B is normally quiet, but this is... A different quiet. A sad quiet.

Like the quiet when he comes back home after a rough night and takes Batman off and sits with his face hidden on the shadows and doesn't want to tell Jason what happened, but Jason knows, because he knows Gotham.

Like the quiet when he stands looking at the portrait at the entrance and Jason thinks he might cry, but he doesn't, and he smiles, but he's lying, and Jason knows, because Jason knows of loss and lies.

He hates it when Bruce gets that quiet.

But he learned that his hugs are healing. B told him that. So he just needs to hug him better.

So he enters the room. And the dick turns to watch him, so he sticks his tongue out. Dick's face goes red when he lifts his arms, without a word, and Bruce kneels, opening his own. And Jason knows that face. Because he knows he makes the same one whenever the dick makes B laugh and smile and look so proud. Because Jason knows of jealousy. Dick and B have a longer history. But now he is here, so the dick has to suck it and fucking dea-! Curses. Bad. Bad.

Bruce is warm. He loves his da- Bruce's chest. Is big, and warm and he gets so comfortable. He might as well sleep.

Their voices feel so far away when Bruce strokes his back and kisses his nape.

"There, Jaylad. Let's go to bed"

Jason loves that nickname. He smiles against the smell of expensive softener. He might as well sleep.

"I'm not done"

"I am. I won't talk about this anymore"

"BRUCE!"

"Shh!"

"Don't... Yell... At my... Pops"

"..."

"... Are you crying?"

"... No."

"... Jesus fuck-"

"Language. I need to put him to bed"

"You're a crybaby"

"... He said pops"

"You never cry when I call you dad"

"God..."

"Bruce! Don't leave! Is he more important?!"

"Shh, baby. Are you asleep-? Oh he's asleep. There, there"

"B!!"

There's some movement. And Bruce is laughing.

"What the hell?!"

"You wanted attention"

"I'm an adult!!"

"Yes?"

"You can't - you, you- You!!"

"It was a forehead kiss, you won't die"

Jason unconsciously pulls his shirt

"...Kiss..."

"..."

"... Oh, that little. He was just prete- SERIOUSLY!?"

Tim: Dick, no one else is even in the running. please be so fr right now

Damian: What are you arguing about?

Dick: Damian! Damian can do it! He’d be great at it.

Tim: No, Damian’s gonna follow his paternal grandfathers lead and be a doctor. Everyone only has to take on ONE element of Bruce. Try again

Jason: They are arguing about which one of us should be the newest representative for the Justice League for when Bruce finally conks it.

Damian: That would be an honor no? Richard you would be a competent ruler.

Cas: Leader

Damian: Whatever. I assume Timothy will be taking on WE in the event of father’s passing, so wouldn’t Jason also be in the running?

Tim: No i called dibs on Jason

Jason: What? What are you talking about. You can’t call dibs on me. What if I want to run the Justice League?

Tim: You don’t. You are going to run the Wayne foundation. Take from the rich give to the poor. Modern day Robin Hood—Very on brand for you. Don’t worry I have the contracts and everything ready.

Jason: …

Jason: Ok deal. Sorry Dickie, looks like your going to rule the interplanetary alliance :P

Dick: I don’t wanna!

Tim: What, do you wanna switch?

Dick: Well, no—

Tim: Also you’re the only one that makes sense.

Dick: I’ll do anything else, please that’s too much responsibility.

Tim: Okay. Be Batman.

Dick: …

Dick: Yea never mind. Running the Justice League won’t be that hard.

Damian: Wait so who will be Batman?

Cass: Dibs

Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick: Fair

Tim, raising a brow: "What crawled up your ass?"

Jason: "HIM! DICK-FUCKING-GRAYSON!"

Cass: "What did he do this time?"

Jason: "WHAT DIDN'T HE DO?!"

Tim, rolling his eyes: "It's the same song and dance with those two."

Jason, grumbling: "Perfect little golden boy my ass-" Picks up a vase.

Bruce, tired: "Stop. No. Just- here." Gives Jason a jar with milk inside.

Jason: "? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?"

Bruce: "Let your frustrations out with it. Shake it until you're no longer angry."

Jason: "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Bruce: "Better than you shattering one of my mother's vases again."

Jason: ".... Fine." Takes the jar and starts shaking aggressively.

Cass: "Momma, what's in that jar?"

Bruce, petting Ace: "You'll see."

Jason: "What the-?? Why is it turning solid?!"

Tim: "!! Is that milk??"

Bruce, burying face in Ace's fur: (Muffled) "Yeah."

Jason, baffled: "?! YOU'RE USING MY ANGER TO MAKE BUTTER?!" More aggressive shaking.

Bruce: "Okay stop, that's enough. It's formed now."

Jason, confused as fuck: "I can't believe you made me put all my anger into making butter."

Bruce: "Hush. At least you have butter now. You like the ones from Texas Roadhouse, right? You said they go nicely with the bread?"

Jason, hopeful: "....Yeah?"

Later

Dick, finally coming home after arguing with Jason: "I'm home. Listen Jay, I'm really sorry about- why do I smell fresh bread??"

Bruce, cuddling Jason: "Welcome home, Chum."

Jason, mouth full of bread: "Shut the fuck up, dickwad. You can't have any."

Dick: "??? Rude-"