I can handle it!!!! (she said, clearly not handling it)

“If you promise to stay alive just a little bit longer I promise that we are going to make this world a place worth living in by any means necessary. I ain’t giving up. I swear.” 

Ace: Ace genuinely wants Hal dead and Hal wants Ace to be his best friend and they have a genuine and intense rivalry. I made a post about Dick hating Ace and Hal has along the same mindset. Ace is BRUCES dog and this Random Man who is taking up his Space and Time and sorta smells like him but not really is an Imposter and Should Not Be Trusted. Hal just wants the dog to love him, man

Titus: Titus and Hal are best of friends. The sort of relationship Hal wanted with Ace he gets with Titus. Imagine the most purest and truest forms of 'a boy with his dog' in any media and you will get what Hal and Titus have. Titus adores that man. He follows him around the Manor when he comes to visit, he does an adorable little 'woof' when he wants Hal's attention, his tail thumps against the floor aggressively whenever Hal looks at him, he is a goner for Hal and Hal frickin loves that dog. A big reason for it is because of Damian, because Damian wanted to show interest in his fathers newest 'fling' that wasn't going away and one of the ways he bonds with people is through animals, so. It's beautiful

Alfred(the cat): Alfred is hit or miss. Sometimes, if no one else is around, the cat will curl up on his lap and purr. Sometimes when Hal comes into the Manor after a really long and tiresome mission, he'll even wind himself around his legs in greeting. Sometimes. Hal isn't his favorite human by far, but he's a reliable one.

BatCow: BatCow has it out for Hal. In the same way Ace does but more like she's going to suffocate him with her affection. Hal steps one foot into the bat cave and immediately has to sprint for the stairs because otherwise a ten ton cow is running full speed at him and mooing like an overly excited puppy dog, about to slobber him full and sit on him until he physically fuses into her. She bites him. She licks him. That one dude on TikTok who tries (and fails) to cook with a cow in his kitchen? That's Hal and Batcow

Goliath: Goliath is like The Cool Cousin at family functions to Hal. He doesn't dislike Hal, he just doesn't put that much effort to be around him either. Sometimes they make eye contact and it almost looks like Goliath might not eat him and Hal swoons about it for a week.

Haley: Haley is Dick's dog and is not around Hal all that much, but she's just a lover. She is happy to see anyone no matter who, and Hal likes to think he's special but she just likes attention and as an Attention Whore himself, Hal is the one who gives it to her the most whenever Dick brings her to the Manor

I think that's the last of them... maybe. Anyway. That's Hal and the Batfam Menagerie. :P

EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE I FORGOT JERRY THE TURKEY AND THE RANDOM BIRD THING WHOS BREED I CAN NEVER SPELL CORRECTLY (macaw?)

Jerry the Motherflippin Turkey: Hal and Jerry have a vendetta against each other. A day does not pass where Hal does not threaten to turn him into sandwich toppings. Hal steps foot in the vicinity and Jerry lets out one, very soft, very threatening "berk" that promptly makes Damian lunge for his katana and Hal book it out of the vicinity again. They are constant and they are relentless and they had a fist fight once. "How do you fist fight a turkey, Hal?" "Shut up Spooky." "Better question, how do you lose a fist fight with a Turkey?" "Duke, no one asked your opinion." "He doesn't even have fists-" "Duke!"

The Macaw: I don't remember her name and for that I apologize but she and Hal vibin. She sits on his shoulder and he puts on a dumb pirate accent that makes Damian roll his eyes and then laugh and then scowl because he's mad about laughing and Hal feels like he just won the lottery. He gives her little treats and she learns to squawk his name and Hal is an avian master oh yea

1. children of divorce

Ace: Ace genuinely wants Hal dead and Hal wants Ace to be his best friend and they have a genuine and intense rivalry. I made a post about Dick hating Ace and Hal has along the same mindset. Ace is BRUCES dog and this Random Man who is taking up his Space and Time and sorta smells like him but not really is an Imposter and Should Not Be Trusted. Hal just wants the dog to love him, man

Titus: Titus and Hal are best of friends. The sort of relationship Hal wanted with Ace he gets with Titus. Imagine the most purest and truest forms of 'a boy with his dog' in any media and you will get what Hal and Titus have. Titus adores that man. He follows him around the Manor when he comes to visit, he does an adorable little 'woof' when he wants Hal's attention, his tail thumps against the floor aggressively whenever Hal looks at him, he is a goner for Hal and Hal frickin loves that dog. A big reason for it is because of Damian, because Damian wanted to show interest in his fathers newest 'fling' that wasn't going away and one of the ways he bonds with people is through animals, so. It's beautiful

Alfred(the cat): Alfred is hit or miss. Sometimes, if no one else is around, the cat will curl up on his lap and purr. Sometimes when Hal comes into the Manor after a really long and tiresome mission, he'll even wind himself around his legs in greeting. Sometimes. Hal isn't his favorite human by far, but he's a reliable one.

BatCow: BatCow has it out for Hal. In the same way Ace does but more like she's going to suffocate him with her affection. Hal steps one foot into the bat cave and immediately has to sprint for the stairs because otherwise a ten ton cow is running full speed at him and mooing like an overly excited puppy dog, about to slobber him full and sit on him until he physically fuses into her. She bites him. She licks him. That one dude on TikTok who tries (and fails) to cook with a cow in his kitchen? That's Hal and Batcow

Goliath: Goliath is like The Cool Cousin at family functions to Hal. He doesn't dislike Hal, he just doesn't put that much effort to be around him either. Sometimes they make eye contact and it almost looks like Goliath might not eat him and Hal swoons about it for a week.

Haley: Haley is Dick's dog and is not around Hal all that much, but she's just a lover. She is happy to see anyone no matter who, and Hal likes to think he's special but she just likes attention and as an Attention Whore himself, Hal is the one who gives it to her the most whenever Dick brings her to the Manor

Wiggles The Fucking Second Dragon: The first time Hal meets this dragon he nearly shits himself.

"I think a little pee just came out. I'm a man. I can admit to that." "Hal, Damian trains him very well, he won't hurt you." "Fuck being hurt I'm scared he won't like me." "...your priorities are so strange." "Shhh, baby. What do dragons eat? Gimme your credit card."