your local spreadsheet enthusiast

awow. awow. awow. bup bup bup bup bup

in the future humans will have something called "sinus button " and pressing it will immediately drain your sinuses of all fluid so that it can be filled with other things like rocks, webs, paint, tar, freef (new fluid that will be so important in that time) and also dr papper

#hope #hopepunk #positivity #utopia #dreamworld

the mandela effect is so funny bc almost all of it can be boiled down to "you were a kid and memory is highly unreliable," "you assumed how a word was spelled based on how it sounded," or "you're confusing two different things"

the mandela effect can be summarized as "you'd rather create an alternate universe where you're right than admit that you are wrong"

your nasty disgusting #yourdisgusting

thank you for tuning in to faggot fm i’m your dj sexchange.com we've got some hits lined up for you tonight. semen and girlfunkel, joan bi-ez, gay bob dylan and kicking us off as always are the normal beatles

ancient roman women whose husband keeps looking at the neighbour's boy quintus and he never looks at her that way and she can't even chainsmoke in the kitchen because they don't have marlboro blues in ancient times. and she can't even go to the club because they haven't discovered drum and bass music yet. her friend clodia's having visions of a woman named doechii but neither of them knows what that means

It's not too late to suppress all of your wants and desires and to die unfulfilled and afraid without anyone ever having really known you.

MGTOW was the funniest development in the manosphere to date imo because the whole concept was just leaving women alone, but they couldn't do that

american blackbirds are icterids but european blackbirds are thrushes but american robins are thrushes but european robins are flycatchers and they are named robin because (checks notes) brits in the 1400s called them "robert" on account of they are just some familiar guy who shows up in your yard. hold on post canceled is that really why they are called that? what the fuck. they did this with jackdaws and magpies too? i can't even be annoyed. how human. "who's that? that's bob." fuck dude it sure is.

imagine being a dog and you think your chances are pretty good. and then you look over and there's Mitski getting her wallet out

tragic! trans person no longer merely tolerating the act of existing just now realising their entire wardrobe is ass

tragic! trans person no longer merely tolerating the act of existing just now realising their entire wardrobe is ass

we have to hold the line on misandry not being real. it's getting scary out there

Lowkey I bet it felt good as fuuuuuuck to be one of the coal miners that got to blow a pinkertons brains out from a high ridge with a bolt action rifle.