Not enough people talking about how well broccoli holds a sauce
Keni
will byers stan first human second
Claire Keane
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Mike Driver
d e v o n
Cosimo Galluzzi
Peter Solarz
todays bird
macklin celebrini has autism
Show & Tell
art blog(derogatory)

⁂
we're not kids anymore.
trying on a metaphor

titsay
AnasAbdin
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
cherry valley forever
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@darknessneverlasts
Not enough people talking about how well broccoli holds a sauce

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prehistoric people make me cry so easily it is not even funny. and i don't mean it as a some kind of hyperbole okay i mean like straight up red-faced weeping when i think about bad dürrenberg burial
"around 6400 BC, approximately 600 years after her death, a pair of antler headdresses with feather and plant fibre decoration were buried 3 ft (0.91 m) from her grave, suggesting she was remembered and revered centuries later."
“It’s summer now, and you’re craving a simpler existence. You want to read. You want to write. You want to meet strangers for dinner, and not refuse another drink at another bar. You want to dance. You want to find yourself in a basement, neck loose, bobbing your head as a group of musicians play, not because they should, but because they must. It’s summer now, and you’re looking forward to worrying less. You’re looking forward to longer nights and shorter days. You’re looking forward to gathering in back gardens and watching meat sputter on an open barbecue. You’re looking forward to laughing so hard your chest hurts and you feel light-headed. You’re looking forward to the safety in pleasure. You’re looking forward to forgetting, albeit briefly, the existential dread which plagues you, which tightens your chest, which pains your left side. You’re looking forward to forgetting that, leaving the house, you might not return intact. You’re looking forward to freedom, even if it is short, even if it might not last. You’re looking forward.”
— Caleb Azumah Nelson, Open Water
People have been saying stuff for years at this point
Outdoor in sun perfec t place for president to do speech! Outdoor very warm very soft put old man on green lawn under sun. Put old man in warm sun. no problem ever in warm sun because good view and audience can see long speech. Nice podium outdoor sunny perfect place for old president can trust warm sun to give nice view to President good luck to President. friend sun.

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“i should take a walk for my mental health” boring, tired, i don’t even really wanna do it tbh
“i need to check the perimeter” i need to check the perimeter
David Lynch's "Angriest Dog in the World".
i wish mosquitos didn't make you itchy and give you horribly infectious diseases. i wouldn't begrudge them a humble nibble were it not so
so you're telling me the fifa world cup is all men? its all men's teams? and so is the superbowl? and all the sports teams that states are known for and make copious amounts of merch for are also men's teams? and only 5 women have ever entered formula one since its inception in 1950 and only two of them were able to compete? and this is normal? its acceptable?
i grew up playing backyard soccer on the pc as a child in the early 2000s where boys and girls would play on the same team and against each other and you're telling me that's still an unrealistic fantasy that can't happen in real life?
I know that Heated Rivalry is one of those pieces of media where COVID never happens but what if it did? Imagine the lockdown shenanigans.
Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.
Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.
Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.
I just think that lockdown would have been the ideal codependent situation for Hollanov.
yes but ALSO when lockdown ends and they have to go back to living apart they (especially Ilya) have the biggest crash out you can imagine

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fun fact about me: When I was 6 years old I sent so much hate mail to the president (the second Bush) that the mail carrier had to tell my mom I needed to stop before we got FBI’d
I was COMPLETELY unaware of the US political scene or why the adults in my life hated Bush, but I knew I hated him because he let people shoot wolves from helicopters and that’s mean and shitty
I also had a poor grasp on how stamps worked, so given that I wasn’t allowed to continually throw money away by putting stamps on my presidential hate mail, a lot of the times I just drew squares with little pictures inside on the corner.
Love, love, love reading more proof that everyone should encourage the children in their lives to write to elected officials--it teaches them about citizenship and can also be very funny.
When I taught second grade, one of the options for students who had finished their work was to write a letter to the president. I would send all of the letters in a big envelope at the end of every month.
Watching my students get more and more frustrated with him (and concerned about his wellbeing) was not the result I'd hoped for when I came up with the idea, but it was kind of hilarious.
See, Obama had a standard packet with information and activities about his dog he'd send in response to letters from very young citizens...and of course his office sent one back to our class every single time we sent mail.
So eventually all of the letters looked something like this:
Dear President Obama, I am writing about the environment. I am sad that the Great Barrier Reef is hurt. Also the Amazon Rainforest. Can you help? PLEASE DON'T WRITE BACK TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DOG AGAIN. WE ALREADY KNOW ALL ABOUT BO. WE COMPLETED THE MAZE AND COLORED HIM IN. It is good that you love your pet a lot. But try to remember the environment. It is also important.
So, the documentary in The Long Game about Shane and Ilya’s rivalry. What a fucking embarrassment for ESPN and everybody involved in its creation!
You direct a sports documentary about two of the greatest hockey players in the world. And how they were bitter rivals but eventually became friends and even started a charity together. It’s good, juicy, it gets excellent ratings, and is possibly award winning. The future is bright.
ESPN’s publicists keep talking about how you had unprecedented levels of access to these superstars, and meticulously combed through over a decade of footage of them. The only thing viewers grumble about is that they still don’t know why Ilya Rozanov left Boston for Ottawa. It’s the one mystery of their rivalry that you couldn’t unravel. But overall, the reactions are very positive. A professional triumph for you.
And then only a month later, the whole world (including you) is astonished to find out that these heated rivals have been in a serious and secret romantic relationship for years!!! And you missed the whole thing! One (1) month ago.
The documentary would quickly go from jewel in the crown to albatross around the neck of everybody involved in it. Because you did all this research, you had all this access, and yet you didn’t have a clue. They’re together? They’re getting fucking married? Ilya Rozanov moved to Ottawa because he was more in love with Shane Hollander than he was with being on a cup winning team?
Oh my God, ESPN would be contemplating destroying every copy of the documentary they commissioned, and which had great ratings. Everybody involved in making it has to log into LinkedIn and delete it from their professional history.
Hockey fans keep rewatching it, but not because they like it anymore. Because they can’t believe not even the professionals figured it out, and are looking for clues. The director will be strongly considering flying to Canada to murder both his documentary subjects.
shane and ilya were asked about it in one interview and shane just smiled and said “yeah, i mean we have to be pretty good at keeping that a secret, considering what was on the line. it wasn’t espn’s fault, per se, not a lot of people knew.” and ilya added on “we were very good at acting not in love with each other, i think. we had to hide it from ourselves for a long time.”
and now whole house crying 😔😔
Shane and Ilya would both get book deals, I think. But Shane's would be part practical hockey guidebook, part motivational self-help book. He and Yuna write it together. He just wants there to be a book that new professional hockey players can read that will give them an idea of what to expect. Especially players moving to North America from overseas who are having to enter a whole new world not just in their career, but their whole life. And even though it's aimed at pro hockey players, it has wider appeal from hockey fans who like to dream about what it might have been like to be a pro player. It's also just super fucking funny. Like genuinely worth the read just for the humour and wit alone.
Ilya's is a memoir called something like "This Boy Pucks" or "Big Stick Energy". It turns out to be surprisingly poignant and emotional because he's super honest about what happened to his mom, growing up in an abusive home, his own struggles with his mental health, and what it's been like being one of the first two MLH players to ever marry each other. It's funny of course, but also gut-wrenchingly beautiful.
And, of course, they each dedicate the book to the other. Because the story wouldn't be the same without him.
@geniaparadox No I'm cackling because I've also been thinking what perfect Oscar bait a movie adaptation of this book would be. Abusive family, dead mom, sports drama, gay forbidden romance – the lead actor has to learn Russian and ice hockey. It's guaranteed to get nominated.
But what do they call this prestigious work of art? Do they just keep the name and sell it as a dark comedy? Give it a name with more gravitas but still have "adapted from Big Stick Energy: The Ilya Rozanov Story" in all the announcements?
Shane and Ilya would really enjoy watching them scramble I think.

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This is how June is going to feel
ngl June has ended up feeling more like this
This zine, and I cannot over emphasize how funny this is, is for Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire
These people blocked me on both Twitter and Tumblr, and then someone used a burner account to go off on me on Twitter. This person insisted that I was singlehandedly responsible for the project falling.
I made one comment, and it was this:
No clue how my single comment did this. But okay.