idk man

the part of adulthood that no one ever warns you about is the amount of surfaces you need to acquire to put your things and trinkets on

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

sorry for not answering messages for three thousand years i have. Stew. in place of a brain. you know how it is

if you're not 26 years old right now you will be soon

But I just turned 30.....please......dont make me go back there......

i'm sorry there's nothing we can do about it

lets out one truly pitiful little whimper & then goes back to doing fucking whatever

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

dude hes three….

And uncultured. Get a new child

Cleaning the house in a way that is harmful to myself and others