lives without a body and speaks without a tongue

this is crazy how publius clodius pulcher's life was never adapted in any movie or tv show (well, except for megalopolis of course, but it's only loosely based on roman republic characters), even though ancient rome is a really popular topic. like, i know i am biased because he is my latest blorbo, but this guy was everything: a terrorist, a blasphemer, a crossdresser, a gangster, people's favorite martyr prettyboy, etc etc. once he got captured by pirates and told them they should ask ptolemy for ransom but he offered such a little price for him that amused pirates let him go for free out of pity. famously he dressed into women's clothes to sneak into caesar's house where a women-only goddess festival was conducted allegedly with an intention to seduce caesar's wife (which led to their subsequent divorce and also the birth of a proverb "caesar's wife must be above suspicion"). he made a man younger than himself adopt him so that he may become a plebeian and could occupy a position in tribune of the plebs and could veto legislations proposed by the senate. he passed a law that retroactively exiled any official that executed a roman citizen without trial specifically to exile his arch nemesis cicero. when cicero was exiled he BURNED HIS HOUSE DOWN and then also built a temple upon it so that when he returned he couldn't rebuild it again. his street gangs terrorized pompey so much that he was afraid to leave his house. he used to bring his mob to the court to shout break things and even assault his opponents so that they were afraid to speak. when he was eventually killed in a gang brawl it spawned protests across rome and the enraged mob brought his corpse to the senate house and disassembled a part of the building for his funeral pyre and then the rest of the building caught fire and it burned down. and that's like, a very brief retelling. p clodius you were truly the guy ever...

guys will you forgive me if i become crazy insane about roman republic for a while i am haunted by a wretched and horrible spectre (p. clodius pulcher)

it was so euripides' bacchae of p. clodius pulcher to crossdress for the purpose of sneaking into a women-exclusice mystery cult festival i wish he actually got violently dismembered by the attending women pentheus style because it would be very sexy and also hot

publius clodius pulcher rolls the "worst joint ever", asked to LEAVE the bona dea festival