Dark and Twisty

I have a man that is very caring, kind, intelligent, hard working, and talented. But like me, I think he gets anxious. If something goes a little wonky between him and I he pulls back which spikes my anxiety because I feel like hes gonna leave. What I've realized by writing this is that we all deal with stress and worry in different ways. While it may be hard to see that in the moment, all relationships are different. You cant focus on what your friends and family tell you are right and wrong. Every couple is different, and the only one that can tell you where you guys should be at what point in time is you and your SO.

At almost 6 months together I feel like him and I should be officially "girlfriend and boyfriend" but with the amount of stress on both of our plates, I can understand why there might be a fear of DTR. Your ex hurt you bad, you're overwhelmed at work, and the one thing that makes you feel good is the girl you been spending your time with for the past 5 months. With all of that pressing down on you, you're scared that you'll lose her because you cant focus enough of your time and energy because of your new job. So you give her what little bits you can. You spend your nights watching movies or TV, cuddle her to sleep, go to breakfast, but still have to continue on with your buisness. You tell her that you are all hers, but you cant be labeled at the moment. You try your best to show her in whatever little ways you can that you care about her. Sometimes she worries about where you are it your relationship, but you can only do so much.

No matter how much worry there is, she is going to stick with you. You told her not not worry so much because you would tell her is something is bad between the two of you. Sometimes you know that tiny things can make her wonder, but you hope that statement will help her through.

You know you cant give her everything right now, but you hope she sees that you care about her so much and you will give her everything in time, but for now you have to work on issues within yourself, and get through the hard training at work. You hope she stays.

She thinks she loves you, but she isnt going to say it for a while because she doesnt want to overwhelm you more. She knows that sometimes she can be hard to handle, and a little clingy. She wants to do anything she can to help you through your hardships and make sure you know she will stick by you. She wont give up on you, but sometimes shes going to wonder and worry. She has some things to overcome and work on with herself as well, but she does her best to remember that you are hers. Regardless of labels. Things arent bad until someone says they're bad. You have a lot on your plate and that may cloud your judgement sometimes. She is going to do her absolute best to show you shes with you through everything and remember how good you are to her.

We all make mistakes

We all deal with hardship differently

Sometimes it's hard not to compare your situation to other people or experiences you've had in the past. But if you have a reason to fight, you have to fight. No matter how hard it might get.

Because I cant say it in person, I'll say it here. I love you Jesse. I know you are trying your best. I know I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, but you are worth fighting for. I'll take what I can get from you, because I know one day those little things will mean more than anything else.

have I mentioned that this is the first guy ive been intimate with in any way so when hands touch body parts I have no idea what I'm doing which makes me really self conscious and uncomfortable not because I dont want to do it believe me I do it's just idk what I'm doing

he wasnt pushy about sex or anything he literally has not made any advances the entire time weve been talking we just slept and he cuddled me it was so great