my gf was showing me the finch app and how you get rewards for doing daily tasks and can buy outfits and stuff from the shop w those rewards and i was telling her how this exact kind of game is my favorite but i don’t think finch would be doling out rewards frequently enough for me to stay invested so i would probably have to timeskip and she was like “the point of the self care app is to create healthy habits not timeskip to get the most outfits”

advertising lemonade is pointless. the human body already knows it needs it

im the guy who makes the broad brushstroke impressionistic oil paintings for the covers of literary fiction about white families imploding due to generations of buried secrets. they dont actually pay me they just send more oil paint and i eat some of it and use the rest for the next painting

It probably feels good as fuck to lose your job and then lie to your wife about where you’re going every day and just ride the bus in a suit for hours and hours and hours

have to send a humiliatingly californian text to my cousins fiancée because they decided to get married in upstate new york in december. of all times. and i haven’t been to The Snow since i was six. and yes the snow was still in california

she said my question was great am i getting a good grade in cousin-in-law