DC Comics with a side of actual Science

Tim and Bernard move out of Gotham to NYC. But they move to Astoria. So Tim is just left like: “where the fuck is the crime; I yearn for violence”.

1. Clone a new spleen since he has experience and it’s probably easier than cloning a Kryptonian

2. Capture Vandal Savage and steal his spleen since he’ll just grow a new one

3. Targeted application of the Lazarus pit to specifically the spleen area

4. Tim is a meta with the very specific superpower of regrowing his spleen like a salamander and its tail

5. Steal a spleen from an Arkham inmate because terrorism loses you spleen privileges

Bat Family Answers:

Bruce: “Riddler must be robbing the largest grocery store in Gotham!”

Dickbin: “The only egg I see is your bald head, boomer”

Dickwing: “What does the chicken part mean… The egg part obviously means he’s teaming up with Joker because clowns have eggs but who is related to chicken(s)…”

Jaybin: “The chicken, probably idk. Stupid philosophical question anyway”

Jayhood: *shoots the radio* “Boring conversation anyway”

Timbin: “The egg obviously, eggs are not exact genetic clones of their parents so the first chicken egg was a mutation spawned from a proto-chicken. Since this is a history of nature question, Museum of Natural History?”

Timred: “Eggs. It’s a pain in the ass sometimes but eggs are not clones of their parents unless you force them to be. Riddler must be targeting the hidden Cadmus facility in Gotham”

Steph: “Hey siri get me directions to the nearest chicken hatchery to Gotham city limits”

Damian: “Neither, as the line between species and their ancestors is not strictly delineated but rather a gradual process. Thus, this question is a logical paradox. We must depart immediately for Mupert Rurdoch’s Gotham Box5 News, as there is no greater example of such paradoxes in the city.”

Cassphan: “What is a chicken?”

Cassbat: “Depends on the person. What is the famous breakfast place in Gotham?”

Alfred: “Eggs predate chickens by millions of years. I cannot purport to know what Mr. Nygma is planning, but this is a silly question.”

Babsgirl: “Chickens - you can’t have an egg without a chicken”

Babscle: “Hey team, just checked, Riddler isn’t even pulling anything tonight, he’s literally just doing this to mess with us.”

Roy, to Kori: “This is war; we can’t worry about dumb animals… apart from the infantry” *gestures at Jason*

Red Robin during a firefight: “HEY ASSHOLES WE’RE [BAT FAMILY] NOT [BAT MAN]”

Kon, to Cassie mid battle: “I suppose if they were very lucky they could give us a headache with that HE rifle”

Tim: “I TOOK BALLISTICS IN SCHOOL, FASCINATING SUBJECT; THINGS GO UP, THINGS GO DOWN”

Any member of YJ being interviewed: “We don’t always have the best plan, but that’s okay.”

Jason: “A flamethrower is an excellent tool, but I still prefer a rifle or a kniiiife.”

Steph: “I told mama we see [penguins], [snakes], [crocodiles]; she thought we were visiting [Gotham] Zoo”

Tim, to YJ: “No I’m not defending [Batman’s] technical superiority, I’m stating the fucking obvious.”

Mr. Terrific: “Industrialization, that’s why we’re still in this war. And my balls. My big balls.”

Batman, pointing at Guy: “That [hero] is from [the Green Lantern Corps]? I guess they’re saving the good stuff for themselves”

Cassie: “I am missing a biscuit! Stealing is not the Soviet way comrades”

Jim Gordon during NML: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m stuck [in no man’s land], AND SO ARE FUCKING YOU” *opens fire*

Red Robin, looking at a villain’s autopsy report: “Look at the holes in that thing, pretty ragged shooting to be honest” *offended Jason noises in the background*

Bruce, during Steph’s Robin era: “YOU HAVE AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE. OVER THERE IS A TANK. FIGURE IT OUT”

Tim, squishing both sides of Bart’s cheeks like an idiot sandwich: “FLAME-THROWER IDIOT, IT THROWS FLAMES; USE IT.”

Bart, a few minutes later: “I LIKE FLAMETHROWERS”

During UTRH:

Batman: You’re nothing but a cold blooded killer

Jason: “Cold Blooded? There’s nothing cold blooded about me. I get quite worked up”

Bonus, during YJ 40:

Bart, to Cassie: “Gunner… point the turret at that camera in the sky” *gestures at readers*

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