//ALL CAPS ALTON//

pablanos

(Bobby voice) Hey Giada look! I turned myself into a pablano! Im pablano bobby!!!

Every time a chopped contestant mentions that they’re gay they show Ted nodding

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit

My dream is to be an editor for Chopped because you get to take mundane criticism and add that scary music and some camera changes and boom the audience feels like someone was brutally murdered

“this fish is …” (knife slashing sound) “underseasoned” (quick cuts to contestant with mouth hanging open, other contestant smiling smugly, then to the judge staring grimly)

hear me out: a cutthroat kitchen-type contest for fanfic writers. contestants are given a different trope to write each round. sabotages include making an opponent write in first person, requiring them to write in a particular AU, making them incorporate the opening structure of my immortal. alton brown looks over your shoulder while you write the smut.

A grab bag of horrible euphemisms are on the table, you bid for the privilege of being the only author allowed to use “cock”

you lost track of where your protagonist’s hands were during the smut

@sevdrag

an episode of Chopped where the basket ingredients are all viewers’ Depression Meals™

your ingredients are…… a pack of gum; a liter of pepsi; saltines; and a two pound bag of swedish fish

where am i

doing the lord’s work

Do you remember that time Cutthroat Kitchen featured a spreader bar