Dog Hair Eater

More i Grow my body Stonger. More i Learn my head gets Longer. More i Eat my belly Bouncing… More i Fight my foes i’m Trouncing.

More i Sing my voice gets Louder… More i Boast my pride gets Prouder… More i Run my speed gets Upper… What about you Mother Fucker…

normally this is when people reblog posts like this and say something like “i was on so much painkillers when i made this” but that doesn’t apply here. i was completely lucid when i made this. i can remember writing this phenomenal post with crystal clarity. for me, it was typical. i could do this kind of thing every day if i wished to.

Listen buddy, because of your little "what the derp" moment, Archduke Ferdinand is dead.

At least it can't get any worse.

Worse? Let put this in terms you'll understand. Kaiser Wilhelm is about to "epicly troll" Europe, and it's not going to be "awesomesauce" for anyone.

you motherfuckers aren’t prepared for me to step through the blue colored gate that multiplies me by 3

This post resurrected the word Slonk

why is this making me laugh so fucking hard

THANK YOU FOR ADDING A VISUAL OMG

accidentally said Shirley instead of Siri and now my phone is stuck in Airplane mode