there is this thing called a "kitty cat". and you can get one for inside your home, and it will sit on all of your surfaces, and you can pet it.

[IDs: 1: a roly poly, sometimes called a pill bug, on a miniature hammock hung between two small plant stems. 2: a tag that reads "#oh my god its him its. the chill pill" End IDs]

Stop volunteering to be the village sacrifice we all know you're not a virgin. The dragon probably wouldn't even be into you.

Untie yourself from that altar right now.

Look. I didn't want to say anything because it's kind of a touchy subject, but the dragon doesn't actually take these "brides" back to its lair full of riches and add them to a harem. Okay? It's a big fucking lizard with a brain the size of an orange, it just roasts and eats them.

That's why we always pick the most useless airhead to sacrifice come harvest season.

Now come on, get those chains off. Where did you even get these? Oh you made them? See that's the kind of craftsmanship the village needs you for. We'll have a big orgy after the ritual and if you want a bunch of us will dress up as dragons and take turns having a go at you. It'll be nice, you'll see.

Yes, yes, I know, not the same. Well not all dreams are attainable, in the end.

(stumbling out of the document covered in blood) ok i wrote 100 words

Yes of course I have adhd why do you ask

I want to [remembers that suicide jokes only further damage my mental health] fuck you like an animal

Nothing says good mental health like Nine Inch Nails 1994 album The Downward Spiral!