please be patient i’m looking at trees

as part of their ongoing boycott, Canada will no longer provide the US with totally real long-distance girlfriends who definitely exist

Hey kids, you need to start worrying a little less about getting “#mogged” and a little more about getting “#smogged”. This is an Air Quality Index public service announcement.

in the club being rejected by women and saying stuff like "so be it"

*street shot of zohran mamdani clad in nasty lil suit and hard hat* five months ago i was elected mayor of new york city. in that time, we have managed to COMPLETELY defeat the Staten Island Minotaur at no additional cost to the new york taxpayer

My Very Punctual Wife Gets My Night Worm can also be used to remember the order of the planets in the solar system!

Mercury Venus Pearth Wars Goopiter Maturn Nuranus Weptune

She maturn on my pearth til I goopiter

i dont think straight people should be allowed to do "enemies to lovers" i think if a man is your enemy you need to trust that you were correct the first time and slay him in battle

nobody else doing it like me. particularly because the way i’m doing it is needlessly difficult

I maintain that the best summation of my feminist beliefs are that men and women are not fundamentally different. There are a few quantifiable differences if you average out every woman and every man, but they are not qualitative. And most of them are socially constructed, and would be fixed if we started treating men and women the same. Neither is inherently smarter, neither is inherently kinder, neither is inherently more stoic or stronger or angrier or softer. Everyone is obsessed with the differences between women and men, with finding them and creating them and distancing themselves from the "other half". It's fucked up