i am here to keep eyes on a goblin

Okay for those of you living in pitiful ignorance, take a raw ear of corn with the husk on and cut all the way around the base (as pictured: above the point where the husk meets the cob, so that the entire husk is severed but still wrapped around the corn. Do not cut through the cob.) Then, with the husk still on, microwave it for 5-7 minutes. It'll basically steam it inside the husk. Remove from microwave --it will be hot, so use a mitt or a towel--and firmly pull the top of the husk/silk, which should come off easily in one piece, unsheathing a flawless corn on the cob. If it doesn't, you probably need to cut a little higher around the base, so all the leaves are severed. No picking off silk!

Ma'am, we're sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband had an accident at the Pianos, Anvils, and Comically Large Panes of Glass Incorporated factory...

he was hit by a car in the parking lot

he survived, but then slipped on a loose orange from a fruit cart that was also hit by the car

Ma'am, we're sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband had an accident at the Pianos, Anvils, and Comically Large Panes of Glass Incorporated factory...

he was hit by a car in the parking lot

he survived, but then slipped on a loose orange from a fruit cart that was also hit by the car

You're right. I SHOULD be able to take the train from Minneapolis to Berlin.

Sometimes I think people’s complaints about queer genre fic boil down to them wanting litfic and not knowing there’s queer litfic. If you wish to read about sad lesbian adjunct professors having unsatisfying sex, rejoice! NPR has reviewed it for you

scar’s brother was ultra hot and im so mad he is dead

I JUST REALIZED THAT I SHOULD CLARIFY THAT I AM WATCHING FMA: BROTHERHOOD AND I AM NOT IN FACT LUSTING AFTER MUFASA, SCAR’S DEAD BROTHER IN THE LION KING

as part of their ongoing boycott, Canada will no longer provide the US with totally real long-distance girlfriends who definitely exist

Nearly blocked someone for a vaguely annoying reply they made in 2017 then remembered 2017 was 9 years ago. They will live. We can change *opens their blog* nevermind they got worse. Guards

This was written out in real time btw. I typed out the first half, paused, saved it to my drafts, went back to open their blog, then came back to type the rest

the problem with tumblr spells is all of you lil sluts are casting and not giving it time to charge so you're all casting cantrips and not 9th level death spells. everyone wants to be the one to take them down no one wants to be the one who assists

Wait stop. everyone +like now and spread it a little but cast on the same day in August. lets try August 6th or something.

CAST NOW