How to Make Your Social Media Page Friendly to Trans Men
It’s no secret that there has been a rise in antitransmasculinity as of recently. It has always existed in the queer and trans community, however, people are a lot more comfortable being much more overt about how much they hate trans men on their public social media. As a result, a lot of trans men don’t feel safe in any community that isn’t centered around transmasculinity specifically, or doesn’t openly support and defend trans men, because we have seen so many creators who advertise themselves as trans friendly (and are sometimes trans themselves) but one day took a wild turn in their content and internet presence and began making content about how much they hate trans men.
If you are a content creator, especially one who makes content surrounding the queer/trans experience, and you also love and appreciate trans men, you might be wondering what you can do to make both your page and your following hospitable to trans men. As a trans man who has an account that centers trans men, and also one who has followed queer/trans content creators and have seen many devolve into antitransmasculinity, I have some pointers.
How to make your social media page friendly to trans men:
Reminder: This is not exclusively for people with large internet followings. Everyone who has any kind of internet presence can and should keep these things in mind when making content. Also, anyone who hosts any kind of space (queer/trans space, club, can be online or offline) can benefit from these tips!
It is not enough to be vocally trans friendly, you have to be vocally transMASC friendly
A lot of us have followed creators that painted themselves as trans friendly, but one day they out themselves as not being friendly to trans men specifically. You cannot just leave your trans activism as “trans” generally, you have to talk about trans men as well. When you are making posts about anti trans bills, try researching and adding how these bills affect trans men.
Talk about trans men
We don’t always know if someone is an ally to trans men unless they talk about their views on trans men. If you love trans men, you should talk about that. I feel a lot more comfortable following content creators who have explicitly stated that they are allies to trans men than those who haven’t, even if they have said that they are allies to trans people. Trans men are not always included in “trans people” by everyone; a huge part of the transandrophobia and antitransmasculinity that we as trans men face in the trans community is that a non insignificant amount of people consider trans men to be cis men when it’s convenient, and cis women when it’s convenient. We are not always considered to be trans in any meaningful way, if at all, so when you make content surrounding trans people, you should also be talking about trans men.
Listen to trans men
When trans men in your comments talk about their experiences, listen. Especially trans men who are underprivileged in ways outside of their transness (disabled trans men and trans men of color are a big one, they are often seen as more threatening due to their disability and/or race. This goes doubly for black trans men), because they have often experienced things that trans men who aren’t otherwise underprivileged haven’t, and visible disability and being nonwhite especially intersect with antitransmasculinity and transandrophobia. Everything is intersectional: straight trans men are oppressed in ways that non straight trans men might not be, and a lot of people don’t consider that due to the erasure of trans men’s trans experience, and that’s just one example. The trans experience cannot be accurately viewed and explained through the framework of cisnormative society and privilege/oppression. We are not cis. Trans men are not cis men. We have different needs and experiences. Things that might be true for cis men might not be true for us, and vice versa.
Research the experiences of trans men before you post about trans men
There was a post on tumblr that I saw from a trans man that I regrettably don’t remember the username of, but I reference a sentence that was in his post regularly. The sentence was: “trans men are not invisible, our struggles are invisible.” This is a really good way of putting it, because trans men are the victims of violence all the time, especially transphobic and misogynistic violence. But people don’t see it, because we are not only hyperinvisible, we are deliberately erased and silenced from conversations that should involve us. When trans men are killed in transphobic hate crimes, their transness is erased. When trans men experience intimate partner violence, we are added to the statistics of women who have experienced intimate partner violence. One of the things I’m known for on here is having talked about being raped and almost murdered by a trans ex girlfriend, and the responses I got from the other trans people that I talked to about it, and I received several messages saying that all telling my story does is make trans women look bad, and that if I’m truly an ally to trans women, I shouldn’t have said anything at all. While the violence that we experience as trans men is erased, non trans men are posting about how all trans men are rapists and abusers and will eventually detransition into TERFs, and they rely on us not being able to speak up for ourselves due to their silencing us.
There is no shortage of trans men telling our stories about transandrophobic, transphobic, and misogynistic violence online. Every trans man I know has a story to tell, and a lot of us are telling them. Before you make a post online about the experiences of trans men, you should first do your research and consult the trans men in your life.
Be friends with trans men
Outside of social media, you should be friends with trans men. Being friends with trans men can give you insight to the experiences of trans men that you won’t have if you don’t have friends that are trans men. If you don’t have any friends who are trans men, you probably should think about why, and then make steps to change that.
Don’t only platform/listen to white trans men
This can go for a lot of marginalizations, but a lot of people when talking about trans men only speak about white, abled, neurotypical trans men from western countries. There’s a lot more to the transmasc experience than that. There are black trans men who transition and then start experiencing racism in a completely different way than they did when they were being perceived as women, there are visibly disabled trans men who go from being infantilized due to their disability to being seen as an active threat. There are trans men who live in countries where being trans is a crime and don’t have women’s rights either. There are trans men who can’t even talk about being trans men because it’s physically unsafe for them to. A lot of trans men who talk about how transandrophobia doesn’t exist and how trans men don’t have it as bad as trans women are not underprivileged in other ways, and it’s especially important to listen to the experiences of racialized and otherwise underprivileged trans men. It’s also important to consider the trans men who cannot come out as trans at all when talking about transandrophobia and antitransmasculinity. Trans men who were forcibly married and impregnated/otherwise detransitioned or never had the ability to transition in the first place, trans men who live in countries where being trans is illegal and women don’t have as many rights as they do in the US, trans men in religious cults who can’t leave, are among the examples. Not every trans man is a cis passing white abled man from a western country, and you should especially consider the experiences of trans men who aren’t.
Listen to trans men about the experiences of trans men
A non-trans man, including another trans person, speaking about the experiences of trans men is not a substitute for a trans man talking about the experiences of trans men, our own experiences especially. A non-trans man can uplift the voices of trans men, but they are not trans men, and so they do not get to speak for trans men. A lot of non-trans men will position themselves as an authority on transmasculinity and our experiences, especially other trans people, but they are not. First and foremost listen to trans men about our experiences, and definitely listen to trans men who are underprivileged beyond their transness. Do not take a non-trans man speaking about the experiences of trans men as an authority figure on transmasculinity.
Alienate the transandrophobes/antitransmasculine people who are in your following and/or consume your content
There’s another phrase I saw a long time ago that I still reference: “if you have nazis in your following, you should think really hard about why that is. And then you should do everything in your power to alienate them and make them leave.” This can go for a lot of things. If you post about trans men, and there are people in your comments who are disappointed in you supporting trans men, you should double down and make them uncomfortable in your space. If you have a club that allows sheep and wolves, only wolves will show up. Obviously you can’t guarantee that a transandrophobe won’t come across your page anyway, but your social media should ideally be so pro trans man that they won’t stay for long.
Use the word transandrophobia
A lot of transandrophobes and antitransmasculine people will tell you that the word transandrophobia is harmful. It isn’t. In fact, using it (correctly, when applicable) and other words related to our unique struggles as trans men (like antitransmasculinity and isomisogyny) is a really good way to both tell trans men that are seeing your page that you are friendly and supportive to trans men, and alienate people who aren’t friendly to trans men. The people who say that these terms are harmful are saying that as a tool to silence trans men, in the same way that cis people will say that “cis” is an offensive term, or TERFs will say that “TERF” is a slur. These are said to silence trans people. It’s the same thing here. The goal for people who say that is to take away the words that we have to describe our experiences so that we can’t talk about them. These terms aren’t actually offensive. Using these terms isn’t as important as talking about the experiences of trans men, and you can talk about trans men and our experiences/struggles without these terms and I understand if you would rather do that, however, if you REALLY want to drive your point home that you stand with trans men and don’t tolerate transandrophobia and antitransmasculinity on your page/in your space, using these terms is a really effective way to do both of those things at the same time.
Avoid making broad generalizations about trans men
This can be applicable to all trans people, really. The only unifying factor that we as trans men have is that we’re trans. Not all trans men want to medically transition, not all trans men are white/otherwise privileged in ways outside of their transness, not all trans men were AFAB, not all trans men believe that they were always male, not all trans men were “female socialized,” not all trans men were born with uteruses, and these are just examples off the top of my head. Some trans men didn’t even grow up being perceived as girls and didn’t experience misogyny in the same way that those of us who were might have. An especially important thing to remember is that not all trans men grew up lesbians, and not all trans men identify as butch or have any connection to lesbianism at all. The transmasc community has historically been connected with the lesbian community, however, that’s true with every LGBTQ+ identity, that’s the reason the community exists at all. And not all trans men grew up as lesbians, had any experiences that lesbians have, and some trans men aren’t even attracted to women at all. And that is important to remember because this kind of generalization can be especially offensive to trans men, but all of these can be. I have been told when I’ve said “when I was a girl” that “you were never a girl, you were always a boy.” The thing is though is that that is how I choose to describe my experience. I have always been trans in the sense that I was gender dysphoric my whole life, but a lot of my lived experiences growing up only really make sense with the context that at the time I was being raised and perceived as a girl. I’m also intersex, which can complicate things, but that is still how I describe my experiences. Not every trans guy is like that, but I am, and I know others who are. My point is that we as trans men are all different. We are not a hivemind, there’s no universal truth to all trans men besides the fact that we are all trans. Not all of us are even binary trans men either. Not all trans men even identify as men in terms of their gender and just call themselves trans men because it describes their lived experiences better than any other label. We’re all different, so be careful about making broad generalizations. It’s OK to specifically talk about experiences that some trans men have, and you don’t have to add a disclaimer to everything you post saying that you don’t mean every single trans man, because that’s ridiculous, but just be mindful of how you choose to talk about trans men.
If you accidentally post something that is offensive to trans men, listen to them and apologize
I understand that even after following all of these tips, you could always accidentally post something offensive. Especially if you are not a trans man, you could always come off in bad taste. If you have a bunch of trans men telling you that the thing that you posted was offensive and WHY it’s offensive, apologize. Take the post down and make an apology. Phrases like “I’m sorry if I offended anyone, I didn’t mean to, that wasn’t what I meant,” “I’m sorry to trans men, BUT,” and “trans women have it worse, of course, but” should NOT show up in your apology. Own up to what you did, genuinely apologize, say that in the future you will do better, and then do better. Don’t double down, don’t get defensive, and especially don’t change your entire internet presence to be about how much you hate trans men.
Trans men can also be transandrophobic/antitransmasculine
This is important to remember. In the same way that being trans doesn’t mean that you can’t be transphobic, being a trans man doesn’t mean that you can’t be transandrophobic/antitransmasculine. Some of the most vilely transandrophobic posts I’ve seen have been from other trans men. It’s important to remember that you can listen to trans men while also recognizing that some trans men are also hateful to trans men. Listening to a community doesn’t mean that you can pick and choose who to listen to based on your preconceived beliefs about that community. A lot of transandrophobic people will prop up transandrophobic trans men and say “see? This one gets it.” The majority of trans men have experienced violence on account of being trans men, and it’s important to remember that listening to a community of people does not mean only listening to a couple of people say that discriminating against them and the other members in their community is OK.
This is a non-exhaustive list I’m sure, but these are the things that I would like to see from content creators and even queer/trans spaces going forward. It’s important to make yourself a safe space for trans men. And if you hate trans men, you should also be open about hating trans men from the get go, instead of letting us follow you and then randomly dropping it on us one day.
