i’ve warmed up significantly towards the concept of small talk ever since i learned that its sole purpose is to make friendly noises.
as long as you smile and nod, people are satisfied. it’s just to show that you are nice and there with good intentions. we’re small in a big world and have to rely on other people to be decent to us. so we do our little human dance to each other to say, “i’m not here to hurt you. here’s something we have in common, like the weather or sports or itchy sweaters, so we both know we’re on the same team. we both agree on a basic fact, like that it is rainy or that being itchy is uncomfortable, and this proves we can get along. i’m being light-hearted and non-threatening right now.”
small talk isn’t to get to know a person. it’s just a greeting to affirm you’re buddies in the universe.
i am motivated by wanting the other person to know i am friendly, so i have gotten pretty decent at small talk when i used to hate it.
I'm reblogging this again because I was thinking about it after I reblogged it the first time, while I was out in public.
Yeah, as someone who had to quit her job less than a year ago because of Autistic Burnout, yes, "small talk" can be incredibly draining let alone awkward and annoying. But you don't need to force yourself to initiate small talk in order to make the people around you feel less alone.
My mother (probably also AuDHD and the shyest person in her family) always told me that HER father (definitely ADHD* and an extrovert-- the dude would be travelling in a state or even country he'd never been to and would STILL ALWAYS run into someone he knew, it was uncanny) always told her: "Smile at everyone you pass on the street. Yours could be the only friendly face they see all day."
Just a smile. Maybe a nod. I've made a habit of it and it's so easy I do it automatically now, and it does make a difference. I've even had people tell me so. It makes people feel Seen, and Welcomed. Hi, whaddya know, here we are, two people in the same place! You do your thing, I do mine, but at least we know we're not Alone.
And if someone else initiates small talk, we can grant them that needed connection, too. And take a quiet break after.
(*I would say NOT Autistic but his relationship with trees definitely reached far beyond the level of Special Interest, so maybe just a LITTLE Au with the DHD. Or maybe he was just that freakin' friendly that no one cared if he was awkward about it.)
