Proudly Shoeless

sub this dom that. what if they are both completely chained to their devotion to each other. they’re rendered powerless by it. nobody is driving the bus.

still reeling that the central conflict between ruben and niall over the trial has nothing to do with the morality of the thing its that niall doesnt want to accuse alby of molesting ruben bc he feels like its something ruben would never ask him to do if he knew he was gay but he cant tell him hes gay as a way of justifying not doing it bc a. ruben might react violently and then never love him again and/or b. the sexual component of their relationship that can never ever ever be acknowledged would then come to light. & this is especially haunting bc niall himself does desire ruben. and ruben feels that niall must do this for him bc actually he HAS been molested by a man even if its not this man so though its a lie its also true but he could never tell niall that bc a. he thinks it would make him seem weak and b. it would draw into light the sexual component of their relationship that must never ever be considered. and though neither of them would ever say the thing that cannot be said they both are terrified (and hopeful) that the other person knows without them saying.