certified jarchie moment

they should invent an apartment that has huge windows but is never too hot and is near everything i like and all my friends but is also quiet when i want it to be and costs zero dollars or perhaps they pay me to live in. and they save it just for me so i dont have to look for it :)

it’s kind of hilarious to me how grounded phineas and ferb season 1 is in comparison to the progression of the rest of series. because most of the stuff they build in the first season is normal summer activities that a kid would think to partake in. it’s like “what if we built a rollercoaster?” “it’s super hot outside! what if we made it snow?” “let’s put a beach in our backyard!!” but phineas and ferb season 5 is like “what if a giant zoetrope goes on a journey of love and self-discovery?” “buford has been keeping skin suits of everyone in town in his garage and wearing them in his free time” “what if the standard plot system of the show is not a series of coincidences but rather a mysterious force that pre-ordains the events of their daily lives. and the characters cannot understand or fathom what this mysterious force is, they can merely acknowledge that it exists and that they are completely powerless to change it”

put your bra back on boy we have a murder to solve

take your bra back off boy we just solved a murder

person with 6 comorbid mental disorders: I'd be the strongest person on the planet if not for these 5 comorbid mental disorders

The hamster does not watch movies, and therefore is unaware that the cardboard and plastic props in his obstacle course are references to well-known cinematic deathtraps.

My mom kept complaining that all of a sudden the Beatles are back and they're fucking everywhere and they're so obnoxious and were practically having an orgy in her garden under a cucumber leaf and that's when I realized she meant spotted cucumber beetles and not Paul McCartney

my best tip for anyone trying to get back into reading is to remember that you can read books to avoid other responsibilities in ur life and it can become a vice if you play your cards right

You can go to bed at noon. You can have ravioli for breakfast and cheerios for dinner. As long as you're awake, washed, dressed, and in the place you need to be when you need to be there (and I mean *need*, like a job or a social obligation, not just aherening to cultural expectations) it doesn't matter what the rest of your schedule looks like.

Richard in secret history is so funny being like “Judy poovey is such a shallow vapid stupid druggie for doing coke in a Burger King parking lot. Unlike me, I’m intellectual and deep and mysterious and also doing coke in a Burger King parking lot”

richard papen's favourite book being the great gatsby works so perfectly and i can't get over the parallels between him and nick carraway. repressed, doomed to romanticise people and situations, hopelessly obsessed with and devoted to mysterious reckless drivers

rip Bunny Corcoran, you would have loved chatgpt