Things that just make my day

Paid service with no ads: Well, if they're not funding it with ad revenue, they need to charge us something.

Paid service with ads: Well that's bullshit.

I’m just imagining Shane being like “wow all of these people love me and Spaghetti this is so awesome” and feeling comfortable enough to get a second snake except this snake weighs 50lbs and eats whole quail and his enclosure is the entire walk-in closet of the snake room.

Shane loves walking around with his new buddy (free weight training) or cuddling on the couch (free weighted blanket).

GOD POOR ILYA

he's seen pictures of baby spaghetti and is like, "okay, maybe if i just am around it from the time it is very small, things will be better. i can adjust."

and then the "baby snake" shane wanted ENDS UP BEING! A STILL FUCK OFF BIG SNAKE!!

The call comes when Ilya’s out with some friends visiting from Boston, and Shane couldn’t just say NO, the poor thing is cold and scared and it needs a home, and Spaghetti’s old tank hasn’t been dismantled since his upgrade, it’s big enough for a retic, so Shane picks up Wiggles and brings him home.

Ilya comes home two hours later with Marley and St-Simon in tow, all of them hyping each other up, hooting and hollering and yelling BRO! BROOOO! until Ilya freezes and fucking SHRIEKS. His beloved husband has brought home a MONSTER.

GOD WAIT ilya has volunteered at the animal shelter before and so they've heard him talk about shane having a massive snake

(BECAUSE IN *HIS* OPINION!! SPAGHETTI IS!! SO FUCKING BIG!! IT IS A SNAKE IN HIS HOME!! AND IT IS MASSIVE!)

but this means they call ilya, get sent to voicemail (which still says he's not going to respond), and then call shane (he's the emergency contact on ilya's volunteer paperwork) and are like, "hey, it's sarah down at the shelter. this is kind of a crazy ask, but would you have the ability to foster a ball python? i know ilya has said you have snake experience."

and shane is like, "uuuh let me call my husband and check, but sure. we haven't taken down spaghetti's older tank yet, and it's really big, so it should work fine." and then he texts one of the people out with ilya to tell him to call, and then shane runs him down with, "hey, sarah down at the shelter asked if we could take a snake that got surrendered. apparently they bought it for their kid but 'miss wiggles' got a little too much for them."

and POOR ILYA IS LIKE SURELY MY FRIEND SARAH WOULD NOT SEND A GIANT FUCK OFF SNAKE INTO MY HOME, WHERE I LAY MY SWEET HEAD. SURELY SARAH WOULD NOT DO THAT TO ME.

and it's name is miss wiggles! and it was a child's! yeah, sure, why not. is he thrilled? no. but he's used enough to it that a second spaghetti is fine, especially when there's nowhere else for the snake to go. (and listen. spaghetti is getting up there, and ilya is a little worried about how that's going to hit shane. so maybe this works out perfectly. new snake needs a home, shane gets a second buddy, and ilya can just. adjust.)

UNTIL HE GETS HOME AND LEARNS ABOUT WHAT ELSE LIVES THERE NOW.

Ilya, haunted: there's going to be MORE of them???

Shane: oh no, no, they're not fertilized. but it's good to know Miss Wiggles can lay healthy eggs! Maybe I can pair her up with another snake next year :) I've always wanted to try hatching snakes :)