ADULT DISCUSSION FOR FELLOW KINKSTERS ABOUT INTENSE & COMPLICATED HARDCORE KINKS, read & engage at your own discretion!!
TRIGGER WARNINGS: discussion of rape, rape culture, rapist enablers, possible victim-blaming rhetoric (explained below), hardcore kinks, rape-baiting
Thoughts and feelings about my personal Squick: the ACTION of Rape-Baiting
I first discovered the existence of this kink many years ago when I was exploring kinky reddit groups out of curiosity, mostly reading CNC related content. I learned that the action of rape-baiting is where someone *intentionally* tries to "lure" a potential rapist to rape them by manufacturing the impression of increased vulnerability, while NEVER disclosing an explanation of consent that the "unwanted" contact is actually *wanted,* while the rapist follows through with committing what they perceive is real rape. Once I read how the real-life execution of rape-baiting works based on someone's experiences shared in a confession post, it instantly made me feel a dreadful disgust. I remember also feeling uncomfortable when I had first discovered the superficial definition of Consensual-Non-Consent (long before I realized versions of it are an important part of my kinky palette), but learning about rape-baiting felt way worse than that, to a point where I shoved that information onto a shelf in the way back of my brain so it could get dusty instead of triggering me.
Now that I am older, having more experience & understanding of my own kinks, kink culture, kink dynamics, consent, and rape culture, I finally have words to articulate WHY it makes me uncomfortable in a way that CNC does not, hopefully without sounding like an anti-kink RadFem. People obviously don't have to read this post of mine, but I am curious if others have similar thoughts to discuss in the comments. I am also curious if my assessment of the rape-baiting kink might mirror or be influenced by RadFem anti-bdsm talking points or victim-blaming rhetoric without me intending to, which is what I DON'T want to happen. When poking at the topic again in my brain and seeing if others online felt similarly, I had avoided a lot of ethics discussions that were mainly featuring RadFem anti-bdsm talking points, which I already knew upon reading the first handful of comments that the discussion would not be as nuanced as I wanted.
Admittedly, my thoughts about the action of rape-baiting do have initial knee-jerk disgust emotions in the background. However, I have thought about the literal applications of the kink instead of just focusing on the off-putting *vibes* of it, and I have come to the conclusion that there are some VERY SERIOUS ethical/moral implications and real-life problems that arise from someone successfully executing a rape-baiting ploy in real life.
To put it bluntly: I think the ACTION/CULTURE of rape-baiting counts as ACTUAL rape apologism. It is ACTUAL fetishization of real rape, as it goes beyond CNC kink fantasies to ACTUALLY enable real-life rapists to re-offend or offend for the first time, in a scenario where justice for committed sexual violence is actively AVOIDED for personal selfish gain and to the detriment of everyone else.
(Throughout this whole analysis, I am unsure if I am *actually* mirroring victim-blaming rhetoric or mindsets given the moral/ethical/legal complexities of the situation and the motivations of someone satisfying this kink in real life.)
In the case of a successful rape-baiting outing where a rapist chooses to take the "bait" and rape the kinkster, who is pretending to not consent and purposefully not disclosing consent, these facts are ALL COMPLEXLY TRUE at the same time:
True rape was not actually committed, since the rape-baiter was purposefully seeking and truly wanting sexual gratification from the "rape" encounter
The "rape" encounter would also NOT classify as CNC, because prior consent is purposefully never disclosed or truthfully communicated with the other party, which means...
The rapist is not only unknowingly fulfilling a non-disclosed role to satisfy the rape-baiter's non-disclosed fantasy in real life...but also...
The rapist is the type of person that is willing to rape in the first place for power and/or pleasure,
The calculating rapist purposefully picks out a potential victim they perceive as vulnerable to easily take advantage of, even if they have already figured out the rape-baiter's true intentions/feelings
The rapist is following through with the action of committing rape against someone who, to their knowledge and awareness and perception, is vulnerable and NOT EXPLICITLY CONSENTING to sexual activity, saying no, actively fighting back, etc
The rapist is NOT HELD ACCOUNTABLE after raping what appeared to be a person that didn't explicitly consent
The rapist is CAPABLE of re-offending with new victims while not being held accountable in jail
Said rapist, if they choose to re-offend, is statistically more likely to commit *actual rape* against people who do NOT have a rape kink, who are NOT secretly rape-baiting with prior non-disclosed consent.
The rape-baiter has purposefully sought out a person that is willing to follow through with raping someone when the "opportunity" presents itself
The rape-baiter's desired goal is to "encourage" a rapist to successfully commit rape in real life circumstances against someone appearing to be non-consenting (themself)
The rape-baiter has personal experience and first-hand knowledge of the people who are willing, intending, and following through to rape others that are walking around free in public
The rape-baiter does not report the rapists to the police, but goes home after being sexually satisfied
The rape-baiter has incentive to not report rapists to the police, because rapists can't satisfy the kink in real life if they're all in jail
I have more elaborations, but I am tired from using brain power to type for so long, so I might make more "parts" to this train of thought. It's a topic that's really emotionally draining to think about, as well. So I will leave this list here to speak for itself, all the complexly true facts I can think of that make the action of rape-baiting legally weird, unethical, and immoral at worst because it enables rapists in an already rampant rape culture to re-offend and get away with their crimes against humanity.
Added: After fully listing what I couldn't previously articulate, this isn't a personal "squick" but an actual moral objection. As a fellow kinkster that has been sexually assaulted, who is forced to live under the structured systems of rape culture that none of us wanted or asked for, I can't see how the action of rape-baiting (NOT the *thought* of it or having the kink itself) can be compatible with other "rape-y" fantasy play in the broader kink community that works hard to kick out *actual* rapists AND their enablers who commit real abuse/violence that makes everyone unsafe.