Let's Squick It

I might talk in an aggressive & emotional way about the subjects I rant and ponder about, but the aggression is directed toward the ripple effects of miscommunication, disharmony, and hurtful behavior that I see in the world. Not directed toward People as Human Beings with Inherent Dignity.

I'm NOT here to demonize, dehumanize or to purposefully trigger the "other side" with malice. I'm here to bring awareness, new perspectives, new ways of wording already existing perspectives, and uplift marginalized people's voices, hopefully to bring more people together in understanding, empathy, compassion, and common goals.

My intentions don't exclude the possibility of me becoming hostile if people lose basic human decency and make the choice to cause or threaten real life harm, whether to myself or to others, in indirect or direct ways. I value directing all, if not most, of my focus toward realistically protecting and tangibly uplifting the vulnerable/marginalized groups who tend to be used as generalized & depersonalized hypotheticals in moral divides/arguments, instead of focusing most of my energy on punishing/theatening/censoring/incarcerating The Bad Guy in these divides/arguments.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: discussion of rape, rape culture, rapist enablers, possible victim-blaming rhetoric (explained below), hardcore kinks, rape-baiting

Thoughts and feelings about my personal Squick: the ACTION of Rape-Baiting

I first discovered the existence of this kink many years ago when I was exploring kinky reddit groups out of curiosity, mostly reading CNC related content. I learned that the action of rape-baiting is where someone *intentionally* tries to "lure" a potential rapist to rape them by manufacturing the impression of increased vulnerability, while NEVER disclosing an explanation of consent that the "unwanted" contact is actually *wanted,* while the rapist follows through with committing what they perceive is real rape. Once I read how the real-life execution of rape-baiting works based on someone's experiences shared in a confession post, it instantly made me feel a dreadful disgust. I remember also feeling uncomfortable when I had first discovered the superficial definition of Consensual-Non-Consent (long before I realized versions of it are an important part of my kinky palette), but learning about rape-baiting felt way worse than that, to a point where I shoved that information onto a shelf in the way back of my brain so it could get dusty instead of triggering me.

Now that I am older, having more experience & understanding of my own kinks, kink culture, kink dynamics, consent, and rape culture, I finally have words to articulate WHY it makes me uncomfortable in a way that CNC does not, hopefully without sounding like an anti-kink RadFem. People obviously don't have to read this post of mine, but I am curious if others have similar thoughts to discuss in the comments. I am also curious if my assessment of the rape-baiting kink might mirror or be influenced by RadFem anti-bdsm talking points or victim-blaming rhetoric without me intending to, which is what I DON'T want to happen. When poking at the topic again in my brain and seeing if others online felt similarly, I had avoided a lot of ethics discussions that were mainly featuring RadFem anti-bdsm talking points, which I already knew upon reading the first handful of comments that the discussion would not be as nuanced as I wanted.

Admittedly, my thoughts about the action of rape-baiting do have initial knee-jerk disgust emotions in the background. However, I have thought about the literal applications of the kink instead of just focusing on the off-putting *vibes* of it, and I have come to the conclusion that there are some VERY SERIOUS ethical/moral implications and real-life problems that arise from someone successfully executing a rape-baiting ploy in real life.

To put it bluntly: I think the ACTION/CULTURE of rape-baiting counts as ACTUAL rape apologism. It is ACTUAL fetishization of real rape, as it goes beyond CNC kink fantasies to ACTUALLY enable real-life rapists to re-offend or offend for the first time, in a scenario where justice for committed sexual violence is actively AVOIDED for personal selfish gain and to the detriment of everyone else.

(Throughout this whole analysis, I am unsure if I am *actually* mirroring victim-blaming rhetoric or mindsets given the moral/ethical/legal complexities of the situation and the motivations of someone satisfying this kink in real life.)

In the case of a successful rape-baiting outing where a rapist chooses to take the "bait" and rape the kinkster, who is pretending to not consent and purposefully not disclosing consent, these facts are ALL COMPLEXLY TRUE at the same time:

True rape was not actually committed, since the rape-baiter was purposefully seeking and truly wanting sexual gratification from the "rape" encounter

The "rape" encounter would also NOT classify as CNC, because prior consent is purposefully never disclosed or truthfully communicated with the other party, which means...

The rapist is not only unknowingly fulfilling a non-disclosed role to satisfy the rape-baiter's non-disclosed fantasy in real life...but also...

The rapist is the type of person that is willing to rape in the first place for power and/or pleasure,

The calculating rapist purposefully picks out a potential victim they perceive as vulnerable to easily take advantage of, even if they have already figured out the rape-baiter's true intentions/feelings

The rapist is following through with the action of committing rape against someone who, to their knowledge and awareness and perception, is vulnerable and NOT EXPLICITLY CONSENTING to sexual activity, saying no, actively fighting back, etc

The rapist is NOT HELD ACCOUNTABLE after raping what appeared to be a person that didn't explicitly consent

The rapist is CAPABLE of re-offending with new victims while not being held accountable in jail

Said rapist, if they choose to re-offend, is statistically more likely to commit *actual rape* against people who do NOT have a rape kink, who are NOT secretly rape-baiting with prior non-disclosed consent.

The rape-baiter has purposefully sought out a person that is willing to follow through with raping someone when the "opportunity" presents itself

The rape-baiter's desired goal is to "encourage" a rapist to successfully commit rape in real life circumstances against someone appearing to be non-consenting (themself)

The rape-baiter has personal experience and first-hand knowledge of the people who are willing, intending, and following through to rape others that are walking around free in public

The rape-baiter does not report the rapists to the police, but goes home after being sexually satisfied

The rape-baiter has incentive to not report rapists to the police, because rapists can't satisfy the kink in real life if they're all in jail

I have more elaborations, but I am tired from using brain power to type for so long, so I might make more "parts" to this train of thought. It's a topic that's really emotionally draining to think about, as well. So I will leave this list here to speak for itself, all the complexly true facts I can think of that make the action of rape-baiting legally weird, unethical, and immoral at worst because it enables rapists in an already rampant rape culture to re-offend and get away with their crimes against humanity.

Hi, everyone who might be seeing this. A lot has happened in the world as well as with me, both good and bad. I have been taking care of myself and also others. I continue to be curious and passionate about the topics discussed in this blog and the people that they affect, especially having a recent focus on child safety as I am processing new realizations about my own shit/trauma. I haven't abandoned it. So yeah. I look forward to more potential thoughtful discussions with people as I casually re-engage with this blog.

This is about the anti-kink, kink-critical, and kink-shamer people that claim CNC scenes/fantasies/fiction are just as bad or worse than real life rape. They genuinely think they are putting in the good work to help survivors by taking the topic of rape more "seriously." But what they are really doing (unintentionally) is watering down the gravity of the real, life-altering horrors of rape & SA by comparing such violation with safe & sane kinky play that honors consent, boundaries, mutual respect, and equal power.

I am very aware that the observation/critique/comparison in my previous sentence is literally what kink-critical people would say to critique CNC-play as watering down the gravity of rape, putting the onus on the kinksters to stop imitating the vibes/act itself as if the kinksters are the ones making light of it. My argument is that these two contexts should never be compared at all no matter how reminiscent of real rape the vibes & aesthetics & acting of CNC might be because it's blatantly innacurate, unproductive, and disrespectful to do so. The kink-critical people are not fostering discussions that center accurate education about the realistic applications of abuse, to instead focus discussions around personal disgust and the surface level "symbolism" of CNC within patriarchal societies. This causes MORE people to have LESS knowledge & awareness (or it takes longer to obtain knowledge) about how to practice proactive protection & awareness for those at-risk of abuse, and their rhetoric actively puts kinky survivors at-risk of abuse.

It's definitely tone deaf, and always victim-blaming at its core, when people willfully misconstrue the differences between the unexpected & traumatizing ABUSE OF POWER that purposefully & forcibly violates victims' bodies & boundaries, leaving no room for mutual respect, free choices, or self-advocacy...with the completely expected, planned, and discussed roleplay that REQUIRES adult participants to clearly communicate consent, boundaries, and limits within the framework of EQUAL POWER/DIGNITY and the FREEDOM TO SAFELY SAY NO!!!

I shouldn't have to explain to fellow survivors & survivor "advocates" that the tangible, practical, manipulative, purposeful choices that a rapist uses to intentionally create an UNEQUAL POWER DYNAMIC that makes it easier to violate fellow human beings, CANNOT EVER COMPARE to the mere ✨️🤢 rapey aesthetics & vibez 🤢✨️ of safe & sane CNC play that makes people subjectively/personally uncomfy & disgusted. People are entitled to have feelings, opinions, and boundaries to not engage in things that are personally uncomfortable. But the common widespread opinionated discussions I see pop up every so often ALWAYS IGNORE the traumatizing & terrorizing reality of WHY rape happens (it's sexual predators orchestrating what I described above and NOT kinky survivors), to instead point fingers at kinksters playing consensual scenes, during which THEY HAVE THE SAFETY, FREEDOM, AND ***PRIVELEGE*** TO SAY NO...UNLIKE VICTIMS WHEN THEY ARE VIOLATED BY RAPISTS.

...I can only see people's reactionary misinterpretations and the targeted demonization of kinksters to be perpetuating rape culture by hindering people's critical thinking skills that could be better used to attune to the signs of abuse happening around you that may or may not be masked, and to proactively help people that are being abused who are dismissed for not "seeming" abused. This anti-kink social shift misinforms & miseducates the general public so they don't understand or acknlowledge the practical signs of grooming, SA, rape, and all types of abuse, so long as it doesn't "look/feel" a certain way. So long as it doesn't have the "right aesthetic & vibe" to bring out a disgust response, then people won't pay any mind to look deeper. The CNC vs real rape debate boils down to people minimizing the immorality of rape to just vibes & aesthetics rather than what it tangibly DOES to harm people, when people claim CNC vibes & aesthetics & applications are equivalent to actual rape.

To the people who are angry that there's merchandise sold of Valentino from Hazbin Hotel and think anyone that buys it is gross and an abuse apologist, thinking that NO SEXUAL ABUSER VILLAIN should be entertaining audiences in any POSITIVE AND/OR ARTISTIC way.....

.....get EVERY DEPICTION of Darth Vader out of your home STAT. Are YOU a supporter of mass murder, genocide, and colonization because you have depictions of the perpetrator of these things in your home? Why are you uplifting the image of a space nazi and reposting fanart, reading books, watching movies, and buying merchandise depicting him?

______

It makes me VERY uncomfortable when people heavily imply or outright state that non-sexual violence, murder, torture, and death are somehow *not as bad* as sexual violence. Especially TONE DEAF to argue ANYTHING of the sort while there are multiple genocides happening across the world in real time where REAL people are dying....People are quick to downplay, ignore, defend, normalize, and romanticize non-sexual fictional violence with their full chests while having the Palestinian flag in their social media bios....but yeah, go harass the Hazbin fans that cosplay Valentino or draw fanart or write fanfiction while not caring at all about Space Nazis being depicted in the same ways, while Nazi rhetoric and tactics are on the rise in multiple places on the planet....the audacity and cherry-picking are incomprehensible.

Another ramble about people that Ignore Very Important Things....

I myself don't really venture into headcanon territory when it comes to FNAF media and lore. But I do like hearing others' headcanons and theories. Something that perplexes me though, is the visceral objection some people have to the possibility that William Afton could have been a pedophilic child abuser in addition to murdering children. My first personal thought upon hearing such a theory was that "yeah, he could fit the bill based on behaviors, definitely a possibility." But then there was whiplash upon finding out it's a very frowned upon headcanon to a point where people call it "morally off limits" and demonize the people who theorize such a thing.

That makes me.....so concerned. And very confused. Concerned and confused because people are acting like that the Child Abuser type of Evildoing has no place in the FNAF community or official media, like it is a line that should never be crossed and You're Bad for thinking such a possibility. They talk as if...William Afton ISN'T ALREADY ONE OF THE MOST EVIL FUCKED UP VILLAINS EVER. As if he hasn't ALREADY crossed so many irreversible lines such as serial child murder and child experimentation. Talking as if....those things aren't "as bad" as sexual abuse.

Idk, makes me very uncomfortable to a point where I don't really wanna engage with the hyper-specific headcanon debates even if it's not about that specifically, in case I run into someone sharing any disrespectfully flippant comments that downplay child abuse that isn't explicitly sexual in nature and downplaying the gravity of real life atrocities that are portrayed in fiction.

Cause like....how can someone look at the actions and strategies of William Afton in the simplest of terms (separated from the fantastical supernatural elements and settings) and NOT see how it relates to REAL-LIFE TEXTBOOK GROOMING TACTICS OF SEXUAL CHILD ABUSERS???

William Afton:

*** Works in an establishment with TONS of easy access to children, that may or may not be running around left unattended

*** Dresses up in a costume that presents a FRIENDLY NICE PERSONA that allows him to have closer contact and interactions with said children

*** Proceeds to use that friendly persona to isolate said children and lure them to the PRIVATE BACK ROOMS of the establishment to murder them

Now, I am not gonna go into the details of the timelines and whatnot because that's not the point here, and I'm still not knowledgeable and confused about a lot. But the actions and situations connected to William Afton that are SEEN AND IMPLIED in many of the secret/alternate/between/unlocked cutscenes mirror how real life child predators go about accessing children to abuse them sexually.

Knowing that a lot of us are viewing the same exact scenes play out explicitly for the viewers to see, with all the subtext and implications that are THERE.....yet people REFUSE to acknowledge how it mirrors real life strategies of how predatory people groom and sexually abuse children???

IMO, it does NOT look good that people are denying parallels to real life people's stories and refusing to think logically about HOW abuse happens and HOW it can be commonly ALLUDED to in fictional media. Whether or not it's the canonical context doesn't matter....It's concerning that people are not OWNING UP to how truly fucked up their favorite fictional villains are, to the point they outright justify that some irreversible fucked up actions are "not as bad" as sexual abuse, or they heavily imply that it's wrong for Evil Characters to be TOOOOO EVIL😱. Like many real life abusers would toooootally care about not going tooooo far to hurt people when they aim to hurt people for funnies or for entertainment or for selfish reasons🙄🙄🙄

I am severely concerned by people who cling to the argument that "liking anthros/furry characters is beastiality because ANIMAL/-LIKE QUALITIES", because they purposefully forgo THE REASON WHY beastiality is literally Immoral and harmful...

Because it's LACK OF PROPER CONSENT FOR A NON-ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH A WHATEVER CREATURE.

CONSENT CONSENT CONSENT

NOT THE SAME CAPACITY TO CONSENT, THEREFOR ABUSE (relating to real-life inter-species relations where communication/intelligence/capacity to consent is not the same between a human and an animal, and NOT talking about humans who have different ways of speaking/communicating with each other than just speech)

Short Response:

***TW for mentioning self-harm

Idk if this'll make complete sense and I'm gonna be repetitive because I'm tired, BUT...

I really wish people would pause their reactionary responses to media they view as problematic to THINK for a moment, that maybe (more like oftentimes) the specific problematic elements you VIEW as unsightly or inherently immoral to depict in pieces of art or writing are, factually, AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL ELEMENTS from a survivor's REAL LIFE.

The buzzwords of "romanticization, sexualization, fetishization, normalization" that angry people throw around in debates, almost talking about these things like abstract/distant concepts that could hypothetically cause scary monumentally harmful shifts in social culture/morality/reality via art and writing, are actually real manipulation/abuse tactics (am I using the right phrasing here?) that so many survivors have dealt with at the hands of calculating abusers. It seems obvious to me that the missing piece in a lot of these debates is that people simply don't want to acknowledge the truth that a lot of REAL abusive relationships DO INCLUDE the abuser manipulating their victim(s) to romanticize, sexualize, fetishize, and normalize the abuse they inflict. It's simply, unfortunately, and horrifyingly a fact of life. This is especially true when the victim is a young child, who is impressionable and naive to the world, being influenced and molded by a predatory adult to be more abusable and accessible for their destructive desires, sometimes expertly manipulating them with those previously mentioned tactics for a very long time.

People of all ages who have been through the horrors of abuse, children and teens and adults alike, deserve safe spaces to process these super conflicting, confusing, and contradictory experiences of abuse. Being manipulated by predators to think/feel/act this way is NOT THE VICTIM'S FAULT, and processing the factual ways they were manipulated via art and writing does NOT mean a victim's morality has changed. They're not viewing or creating things through these contextual lenses for nefarious purposes to infect the morality of the masses. It means they are trying to heal, move on, reduce personal triggers with desensitization, and/or extensively analyze the raw truth of what happened so they can prepare/learn in case someone tries to abuse them again. That's only a small handful of valid reasons why a survivor would want to depict upsetting autobiographical abuse in art and writing that seemingly paints it as "good".

NO ADULT should be talking to minors about hardcore kinks, kinks in general, pornography (even if it's of cartoon characters), masturbation/what other people jack off to, etc!!!

Especially if you're an adult doing such things to "warn" said children about a problematic artist or writer, if you're talking about what "proshippers" hypothetically/assumedly do or don't do, if you're providing sources and links to pornographic and mature content. It doesn't matter that you THINK you are morally correct in doing these things to "protect minors" from the "degenerates."

I'm aware of and grateful that most of Tumblr is more accepting of my views. I use this website to express my views precisely because of that, that it feels a bit safer than other places.

If you're referring to my username, I read it with invisible quotation marks. It does come across as ironic. I came up with it pretty quickly just to get the ball rolling so I could get thoughts out of my system. But I had also been thinking about how these types of chronically online debates get overblown by the loud minority that oppose. I've noticed that happening more often on this website.

While I'm trying to be unashamed and vocal, at the same time, I sometimes feel timid. A lot of overwhelming realizations have hit me in a short amount of time about how I operate/view life as someone with my life experiences, and what that means for me as a creative person, a survivor, and other contexts that face a lot of friction in politics.