aegolius acadicus @contradictorypenguin - Tumblr Blog

coffee-khaleesi-deactivated2020

When I was training to be a battered women’s advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:

“You can always assume one thing about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if they’re having a day where their best just isn’t that great, or their best doesn’t look like your best, you have to be okay with that.”

Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isn’t that great today, but I have days where my best isn’t that great either.

bogfox

Op I’d like to thank you for sharing this. Ever since the first time I’ve read it I’ve held it in my mind and it really has helped me to be kinder to others and to myself.

madlori

There’s a pretty famous Tweet that goes around from someone’s therapist, who told her “You can’t do your best all the time. If you did, it would be your normal.”

That…yeah. Rewired me a little.

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prophetic-writer

When you've been a writer for long enough, commas become more of a spiritual practice than a grammatical one.

Could I explain the actual rules of how they’re used? Absolutely not.

Do I rely on sensing a tremor in the force to tell me where to use them? Yes and this has never failed me even once.

maninthebluesuit

It is such a relief to discover that I am not the only one.

respectissexy

Having experienced a lot of it in my 20s, I think some of the worst, pettiest, most straight up this-is-just-bullying-you're-passing-off-as-praxis incidences of Queer Infighting endemic to young people can be best understood as attempts to exercise power by people with very little power.

Like you're 22, you're queer, you've just become a Marxist, the scope of World Suck is overwhelming and you have $30 in your bank account. What can you do to feel like you have any power? Well, you can try to get your frenemy cancelled for cosplaying a character from a problematic show. You can write a public callout post over someone's obviously friendly use of a slur you don't think they technically have the right to reclaim. Doing this stuff can make you feel like you have power and your actions have an impact. Unfortunately the impact in question is a negative impact on other marginalized people. But that often takes some maturity and self-reflection to notice.

drtanner

I'm reminded of this post from 2017. To paraphrase, OP took part in community service via their university and part of that was cleaning the bathrooms at the local homeless community centre, which would frequently get trashed, not because the homeless people using them disrespected the work of the people cleaning them but because they had so little control over other things that happened in their lives, and the bathroom was something they could affect.

This, too, is a trashed bathroom; young queer people living through hell and having precious little control over their circumstances or the world in which they exist can affect something by using the language of social justice as a cudgel on their would-be allies, as well as getting a brief feeling of power over someone else by doing it.

It's not worth it. Don't trash your community bathrooms.

cloverboyblue

by the way it doesn’t matter if YOU think it/its is a disrespectful or dehumanising or objectifying pronoun to use for someone! if someone asks you to use them, it is actually more disrespectful and dehumanising to knowingly disregard that. just fucking call people what they want to be called

dalniente

it is honestly amazing how much of writing and editing is just. logistics. like... do i use a name here or a pronoun? if i move this dialogue tag to the middle of this line and break it in half, does the end of the line hit harder that way? what if i move the tag to the front? what if i remove it entirely? ...wait, whose point of view am i in; can i reasonably say this character is appalled, or must i say they look or seem or sound appalled? is this a deliberate action or a step-removed one; is her hand closing on his shoulder, or is she closing her hand on his shoulder? environment environment environment, we need to break all this dialogue up with some narration, the scene is coming untethered. what! are! they doing! with! the rest of their bodies that are not hands! fuck fuck fuck FUCK i forgot we covered this two chapters ago and now i either need to cut this whole chunk or find a reason to reprise the conversation from earlier. name or pronoun? name or pronoun? name or pronoun? move this clause around in this sentence? oh i'll add this phrase-- nope, never mind, past!me added the same phrase two lines down. okay, if i add too much environmental narration it's going to take away from this bit, but not enough and it won't feel grounded. what if i move this to its own line? where the FUCK are their hands?

angelumcaedis

couldn’t not preserve this tag @spottedenchants

aetherograph

Oscar Wilde said something like "I have spent all day writing: in the morning I took out a comma; in the afternoon I put it back again."

And it really is like that.

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riseofthecommonwoodpile

i don’t think i’m exaggerating when i say that the average height for women in the US would increase by at least an inch if teen girls were allowed to eat as much as teen boys are

riseofthecommonwoodpile

and not to bring my own clocky bitch ass into this but if cis women weren’t so consistently starved their entire lives you’d see a lot more cis women with the kind of bodies that we currently associate closely with trans women. the amount that the standards of feminine presentation are culturally defined by malnutrition is crazy

leonardcohenofficial

On July 5, 1852, Frederick Douglass was invited to address the citizens of his hometown, Rochester, New York. Whatever the expectations of h

yearly required reading

dailymanners

When having a conversation with others, if you start talking at the same time as someone else, the polite thing to do is to say something like "oh you go ahead!" and let them speak first. Likewise, if someone does this for you, it's polite after you finish to say something like "now what was it you were going to say?" to ensure you both have your turn to speak.

The reason it's polite to do this is the same reason it's polite to defer to people in other situations, such as if you're both walking up to the check-out line at the grocery store at the same, time it's more polite to offer the other person to go first rather than trying to quickly shove in front of them as fast as you can. Or, why if we grab for something at the same time as someone else, we stop and offer to let them have it.

Civility when sharing something with someone else, whether it's a conversation, a public space, or a physical object, makes sharing conversations/spaces/objects more fair, equal, and tolerable for everyone.

On the other hand, incivility and brute force, such as shouting over someone if they talk at the same time as you, shoving in front of someone who's approaching the line at the same time as, grabbing for something faster when you see someone else grabbing for it, etc. make sharing the world with other people more difficult, but it also makes the world even harder for anyone who's at a disadvantage.

Anyone who has a speach impediment, or possibly is just shy and has a difficult time speaking up, is going to have a harder time getting their turn to speak if it's acceptable to shout over them whenever someone accidentally speaks at the same time as them. Children, elderly people, disabled people, or anyone at a physical disadvantage are going to always lose out in a society where it's acceptable to just shove in front of them in line or grab for something faster if you reach for it at the same time as them.

So that's why it's more civil and fair to defer to other people, including when you're having a conversation. So let someone else go first if you start speaking at the same time as them (and likewise make sure the other person still gets to speak if they deferred to you). It contributes to a society where it's easier for those who have trouble speaking up to still get their turn to speak.

leebrontide

Younger people, one thing I want you to understand about Millenials is that, overall, our parents taught their daughters to aim for careers and employment, but they didn't teach their sons to keep house. This causes a whole lot of Situations.

sweaterkittensahoy

My brothers are my half-brothers; they spent summers and some holidays with us. I love my brothers.

Their mother picked up after them. They were not required to take plates the kitchen or do the dishes or anything like that.

My mother, who would tell you she is for equality, came home one day, sighed at the mess of dirty dishes scattered about, and said, "Gayle, help me pick up."

"Those aren't my dishes," I said. "I picked up my dishes."

My mother sighed again. "Just help me pick up."

"No," I said again. "I didn't make that fucking mess."

She never approached my brothers and said, "Boys, in this house, you take your dishes to the kitchen." She did not tell our dad, "Hey, tell the boys they need to pick up after themselves."

It was, "Gayle, pick up the dishes."

And when I refused because it was not my fucking mess, I got lectured about being difficult.

See also: My brothers--in a classic dick-move of all siblings--figured out they could pop the lock on the bathroom door and throw it open, and I would freak out because I was in the shower and trying to get five fucking minutes of peace.

Guess who got yelled at for being "unreasonable"? Not the boys. Because a lot of moms of millennial boys still said shit like "boys will be boys" when they should have said "Boys, if you got body-slammed on the concrete, I'm not taking you to the hospital."

gwydionmisha

It was similar for Xers. I spent a lot of time in my 20's teaching romantic partners and friends basic household skills and having to be really hard ass about them carrying their weight.

It is stupid and infuriating and I hate that the "Boy Mom" trend is setting yet another generation up for unfairness and domestic strife.

vaspider

Yep.

rhincodono

One time when I was in high school, my mum came home w/ groceries. She needed help bringing all of them in. Did she ask my brother who was already outside playing basketball? No. Did she ask her husband who was sitting on his ass watching TV in the living room? Nope. She walked past both of them, through the house, and into my room where I was doing homework and yelled at me for not immediately coming out to help her.

I have been told that I am "the last of the millennials" or that I'm a "gen zer" or that I'm "on the cusp" by so many different people that I am 100% convinced this is not a generational problem. It is a societal problem. And millennial parents are not immune to raising their kids this way just bc they're younger than x'ers and boomers. Same goes for gen z'ers and every generation after us so long as misogyny remains the bedrock of society that it is.

pangur-and-grim

things I’ve noticed in the UK:

- when you’re jay walking, cars will actively accelerate bc the drivers want to kill you for breaking the rules

- servers in restaurants act very scared and apologetic, so maybe people aren’t nice to them here??? or I could be terrifying

- it’s really cute when little kids have British accents, but I’m unmoved by adults with accents

- extremely good gluten free options. this country is like 20 years ahead of Canada in that regard

- people will give random insignificant buildings names with little plaques. and then that’s the name that shows up on the map. like even a smaller than average family home, you can name it like it’s a dog

- lots of brick and stone buildings. looks cute and charming until you enter one and there’s no air conditioning

- people are still wearing jaguar print. I like this. don’t let it die

pangur-and-grim

ohhh okay! amendment: cars will actively try to kill you for being small and made of flesh, instead of cool and metal like them

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dilfsisko

Racism against Indians is actually a little insane when you consider how widespread it is even among liberals and leftists . Even people who consider themselves to be progressive will laugh at call center or tech support jokes. All scammers are inherently indian. It’s okay to laugh at jokes making fun of Indians for their feelings towards animals or how they drive. India is inherently backwards and dirty so it’s okay to make jokes about getting food poisoning from even looking at indian food

beyondwhimsy

The four stages of lizard fashion according to my good friend Johnathan Harker

1. Oh no The Horror

2. He’s doing it again 🙄

3. When in Transylvania do as the vampires do

4. I wish I had a gun

3liza

do you live in seattle (the american city)?

yes

Remaining time: 3 days 19 hours

please reblog to get this poll out of my bubble, i want reach

3liza

so ive been meaning to do this poll for a while because my hypothesis is that seattle is the most Tumblr city, likely in the entire world. tumblr has a huge american majority userbase obviously, but just for comparison going forward, only 0.22% of the american population lives in seattle. as of this reblog, this poll is showing 4% of respondents are seattleites. given, this isnt scientific at all, because my blog just has a lot of seattle connections and seattle followers, but it's still an impressive bias

flammableengineering

Well now I'm curious

Do you live in Portland, OR? (the american city)

Yes

Remaining time: 4 days 3 hours

mellosdrawings

It's the bisexual rizz. No way he could've gotten a baddie like Zatanna otherwise.

ratblazer

Zatanna projecting her period cramps onto Constantine

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emnesoi0

racists on twitter tend to have names like cunny_reich_88 but someone twice as racist on reddit will have a name like quirky_pizza_dude because he's too disconnected from reality to even gauge how racist he is

emnesoi0

and he publicly makes fun of cunny_reich_88 not because (as he would insist) he fundamentally disagrees with any of his positions but rather because he thinks anime is degenerate art

emnesoi0

racists on tumblr, on the other hand, will just state unabashedly that they believe anime is degenerate art because they think they're being feminist for it

disterbia

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