mumblin'

"im tired of living through major historical events" is now "dear lord please let me witness a high profile political assassination in the next 1-2 years. amen"

Oligarchy, only now out in the open lol

A falling meteor has the chance to do the funniest thing ever.

Like for meteor, reblog for spontaneous sink hole

Focus your mental lasers for spontaneous combustion.

some of you have GOT to get comfortable with lying and situational morality and i'm not kidding

It’s crazy and fucked up that being yourself is actually the solution.

It’s like. When I was told to “just be yourself” as a kid I thought it was a passive thing. Like oh easy I just have to sit here and be myself. but the reason so many people think that “being yourself” is bullshit advice is because you actually have to make active choices to do this and it WILL make your life way more fun. You have to wear t-shirts of bands that were popular ten years ago because you like them. You have to do your hair in a way that you find cute or comfortable even if it’s “so nineties”. If your friend says a food you enjoy is gross to them, you can’t be afraid to admit you casually disagree. You have to do hobbies that you’re interested in even if you’re bad at them and you cant feel like you have to get good at something before you tell people it’s an activity you do. You have to read manga and comic books in public and get piercings your relatives think are unattractive. You don’t have to tell people you dislike that you dislike them, but you don’t have to give them your time and attention either. You have to rewatch that kids show you’re nostalgic for even if you’re in your 30s. You have to change your name if you hate it, even if only a few close friends can know. You have to get fun girly drinks at the bar. You have to order hot chocolate when you don’t like coffee and black coffee when you don’t like sweet things. I am still bad at practicing this but it is the only way to make it all tolerable.

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

when travis mcelroy said “what if you could just cut out the bullshit and do good recklessly?” and when marc evan jackson said “now go do something good” and when chidi anagonye said “i argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people” and when brennan lee mulligan said “you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. if you choose to care, then the universe cares. and if you don’t, then it doesn’t”

joe biden, you stupid fuck. listen to me. Crimes are legal for sitting presidents as long as they’re official actions. Listen: Joe. You have one chance

Humbly submitting that it would also be very funny if he resigned and then Kamala did all those things

Honestly resigning so that the country gets a black Asian woman President whether the assholes like it or not would be the funniest thing he could do all on its own.

these are called fossil words! here's a whole list

Also interested in words that originally had opposites but don’t anymore; i.e. how we say ruthless but not ruth.

tbh I’ve always found it very funny that Elrond is like “there’s no point bringing Glorfindel on the quest, even though he’s a balrog-slayer. You won’t need balrog-slayers” and then thirty pages later they run into a balrog

#anyways it’s common knowledge in the shire that dwarves are actually just a kind of mushroom#but no one says anything#because they think (seeing as how the dwarves haven’t brought it up themselves) it would be rude (via @willowcrowned)

This is what language is for. Evolution. Ridiculous, wonderful evolution.

This is so good, I'm awake at 3am and glad of it - for this has arrived on my dash like a boss

the "tried to make him the main character" part killed me bc, indeed, caesar is not the main character of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar

Sound is crucial because the content of the text messages is sung by a choir of deep baritone(?) voices.

the second eel at the end in its little cuck shelter 💜

They traded all the guns in the final climactic showdown for Bea Arthur’s face. Worth it.

Reynolds paid it himself, out of pocket. It didn’t come from the budget. He talked with Bea’s sons and they agreed to it for a donation to Bea’s favorite charity. ☺️

I did not know that. That’s so much better than I could have imagined.

It’s important to note that the aforementioned charity is a charity that offers housing to homeless LGBTQ youth