baguette

guys. guys I just had a fucking vision of the next tumblr meme

[I.D. Two drawings of Garfield. The first is sitting down like a normal cat, as he used to be portrayed in the comics. The second, he is standing on two legs like a human and points to himself with a red glint in his eye. Text above and below reads “Become Bipedal.” End I.D.]

call off the meme now please

This post is what, hours old? Are y'all going for some kind of shitpost speedrun? Cuz i’m totally here for that

Pokemon Heritage Post, apparently

Mama didn’t raise a quitter but she did raise a homosexual and and an idiot

YOOO I get to be in the Trans Twitch Streaming room! Lets gooo!

#i was gazeboed mate #i was absolutely baubled

Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).

Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.

Is it a glitch or a feature?

Feature

this neat feature is called collocative substitution, and it occurs when certain words are strongly linked to certain context and/or phrases. when you read/hear a pair of words that usually wouldn’t go together, your brain fills in the context with what would normally be inferred, given the originally phrased pairing. thus, finding out that there’s a term for this phenomenon may indeed leave you utterly sandwiched. lesser known or less strongly linked phrases and pairings may not be able to translate substituted words to appropriately fit the inferred context, so you were not utterly floorboarded at the club last night, but rather you were absolutely floorboarded, and as this explanation continues to drag on, you may by the end of it find yourself completely coathangered from read it all.

I, like all linguists I have met or even heard of, have a deep intricate love-hate relationship with the English Language because of complete and total coathangering like this

are we not going to talk about ‘velociraptor impersonator’ ???????????

Lmao holyhairbrush I was reading the article out loud to ccoliver and when I got to the velociraptor part I stopped and was like, “Katie you’re going to die.”

Literally as if this day wasn’t good enough he had to talk about velociraptors