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@clarascrabarmy

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Sometimes I think about the fact that almost every single person who found out about Shane and Ilya felt the need to ask Shane "him? really? he's the one you want to be with?"
I think about how Ilya has had to make his way through life mostly on his own since he was twelve years old, about how he moved to a new country as a teenager and was immediately thrust in front of a camera without knowing the language or how to cope with his newfound fame. I think about the preconceived notions of Russians and how, in the absence of being able to accurately communicate (both because of the language barrier and his repressive upbringing), Ilya decided to or was forced to lean into that stereotype. I think about how soft Ilya allows himself to be with Shane, about how he takes care of him, about how silly and goofy he can be, how he's sometimes just a grown kid, how other times he's the only person who can shut Shane's brain off. I think about how kind he is, how caring, how deeply he feels, how incredibly empathetic he is. I think about how wildly Shane loves him. How there literally never could have been anyone else. I think about how incredibly hurtful it is that no one trusts Shane to make his own decisions about his own fucking life and how much it hurts seeing the coldness the world regards his partner with. I think about Shane getting home and walking straight into Ilya's arms, after having to (once again) justify his love for the best man he's ever known, allowing himself to take comfort in his warm embrace, even when it feels to Shane like he should be the one providing both comfort and shelter.
I think about the surety Shane would feel when thinking to himself, "yes. Him. No one else."
ilya rozanov whoâs known to boston as the mysterious fuckboy from russia who chirps like heâs getting paid for it and is crazy good at hockey. one day a teammate is absent from a few games in a row and turns back up to practice with a fucking newborn and theyâre all in their hockey gear fawning over this tiny baby. then once everyoneâs said hi before practice, the crowd parts and ilyas just stood by the doorway, a literal deer in headlights staring at the bundle of blankets in his teammates arms and-
âdo you wanna hold him?â
ilyaâs moving forward before he can process the words and everyoneâs holding their breath as he gathers the newborn into his arms, pausing to take his gloves off first. itâs a few tense seconds before the baby babbles and shifts slightly before tucking his head into the crook of his arm and swiftly falling to sleep.
ilya looks up to see his whole team stifling grins, âi think weâve found the new babysitterâ and he bites back a chirp because he doesnât want to wake the baby heâs holding so delicately to his chest.
heâs stuck on the sidelines for the whole practice while he rocks the baby through the slams against walls, waving its little arm towards its dad when it eventually wakes up.
and yeah pictures surface soon after of fucking rozanov staring down at the baby in his arms with the fucking softest eyes and twitter has a field day proving heâs a softie at heart
why would you ever outsource fun to chatgpt? are you stupid? you can make mediocre shit by yourself too.
you're missing out on all the crazy euphoric moments where you execute an idea flawlessly, sending it to your friends and feeling the genuine happiness at their reactions to something you made authentically. you're robbing yourself of something beautiful.
and I get it, writers block, artists block, depression can really be terrible, but once you break out of it (and you will) it will feel like climbing Mount Everest.
peace and love on planet earth! you are saving the environment AND youâre cool!
WE ARE PROUD OF YOU!!!!
One thing Iâve seen happens in this fandom- and honestly sometimes in real life discussions about Hudson too- is that people end up flattening all POC experiences into one universal experience.
Race absolutely matters. Racism absolutely exists. But different racial groups are stereotyped in different ways, and those stereotypes can produce completely different social expectations.
For example, Iâve seen people criticize Rachel and Jacob for joking about Hudson being unintelligent because heâs a person of color. If Hudson were Black, I would understand that criticism more, because there is a long history of anti-Black stereotypes portraying Black people as unintelligent. But Hudson is Asian. Asian men are stereotyped in almost the opposite way. Theyâre often assumed to be intelligent, studious, and academically successful. The stereotype is still racist, but itâs a different stereotype. It doesnât suddenly become an anti-Asian stereotype just because weâve replaced âAsianâ with the broader category of âPOC.â
The same thing happens constantly in fanfiction with Shane.
A lot of writers portray Shane as being afraid to fight because he knows heâll be judged more harshly than white players. I understand where that idea is coming from, but as a black person Iâve never found it particularly convincing.
If Shane were black, that analysis would make more sense to me. Black men are often stereotyped as aggressive, which means behavior that is considered acceptable from white athletes is often interpreted differently when black ones do it.
But asian men occupy a very different place in the racial imagination. Theyâre frequently stereotyped as passive, non-threatening, weak, nerdy, emasculated, etc. If racial stereotypes were influencing Shaneâs approach to hockey, I could just as easily imagine the opposite dynamic: feeling pressure to prove heâs aggressive enough to belong. Maybe heâs fighting TOO much.
But that doesnât make sense for Shane. Heâs the leagueâs golden boy. Heâs polite, media-friendly, and heavily inspired by Sidney Crosby. Heâs a superstar. Fighting is often delegated to players lower on the depth chart whose role is specifically to provide physicality. Star players generally arenât expected to be enforcers. Teams usually want their elite talent scoring goals, not sitting in the penalty box after dropping the gloves.
So Shane not fighting much doesnât strike me as evidence of racial pressure. It strikes me as evidence that heâs Shane Hollander.
Crosby is a useful comparison here. For years, people mocked him for not being physical enough (and for talking to the refs too much). They questioned his toughness and masculinity. They called him âCrybaby Crosbyâ or âCindy Crosby.â Fans edited photos of him in dresses or makeup. The criticism wasnât really about hockey. The joke was that he wasnât a âreal man.â
And thatâs a white player.
Imagine how much worse those conversations could become if the player in question were Asian.
Thatâs the kind of racial dynamic I could actually see affecting Shane, not him worrying about people thinking heâs too aggressive, but people questioning whether heâs aggressive ENOUGH.
Thereâs a good chance that if Shane fought exactly like many white players, he probably still wouldnât be viewed as tough enough. Meanwhile, if a Black player fought exactly like those same white players, he might be interpreted as more aggressive.
People often criticize Rachel for not doing much racial analysis in the books. But sometimes fandom fills that gap with racial analysis that feels disconnected from both hockey culture and the specific stereotypes that affect different racial groups.
Not every POC experience is interchangeable.
A stereotype that affects Black athletes is not automatically a stereotype that affects Asian athletes. A stereotype that affects Latino athletes is not automatically a stereotype that affects Indigenous athletes.
If weâre going to talk about race- and we should- we have to talk about the actual racial dynamics at play, not just substitute âperson of colorâ for a more specific analysis.
Sometimes no racial analysis is better than bad racial analysis.

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I don't have a lot of hopes for Unrivaled, but I do hope that Shane is so fucking angry...and not just at Montreal.
I hope he struggles to look Hayden in the eyes sometimes because he can't stop thinking about that fucking video. He doesn't want to, that's his best friend and it was an honest mistake, but God, would it have killed him to watch it back? He was so close to getting to come out on his own terms. So fucking close.
I hope he's bitter about how nice the Centaurs are because how is that fair? Why didn't he get to have that in Montreal? Why was it so impossible for them to give him this? Why do the guys in Ottawa make it seem so fucking easy? Even Troy Fucking Barrett's nice here?! What the hell's in the water?
I hope he looks up at the rafters when they play Montreal and all he sees is where his jersey should have been retired and he just wants to scream. I hope when fans burn their Hollander jerseys, he's not able to laugh it off as absurd extremist homophobia. He's fucking livid.
He looks at his body, at his legs that will be shot before 50 and every bone he's broken and every injury he's played through, all to be tossed aside because, what? Because he fell in love? Because he tripped, which players do all the fucking time?
I hope he's angry and then angry at himself because this is supposed to be his happily ever after. He's supposed to be happy. Why can't he just be fucking happy? Why can't he just hold Ilya's hand and kiss him in public? Why does that still feel like a death sentence? Why can't he get his brain to understand that he's free now?
And I hope we see Ilya loving him at his most bitter self, whispering reminders that he doesn't have to move on just yet. That he's spent a decade carefully controlling every single emotion and he's allowed to feel them now, even if they're not pretty.
Though of course, to Ilya, there's nothing more beautiful than a Shane Hollander who knows he's Shane Fucking Hollander and is livid at the world for forgetting that.
I want to see Shane fucking Hollander reminding everybody that just because heâs polite and media trained doesnât mean heâs a pushover. He is arguably the best hockey player of his generation, and his team of eleven years and three cups turned on him in an instant. Fans whoâd cheered him for a decade burned his jersey and sent death threats. His own best friend outed him out of pure carelessness. He became a scapegoat, and that trip will be the most important footnote in his entire career after he retires.
Shane always just wanted to play hockey. He didnât want to talk about the racial barriers he was breaking, he didnât want to talk about the homophobic barriers he was breaking. He just wanted to be known for his hockey. And now heâll always be known as the gay Asian hockey player who married his rival and just possibly might have thrown a game for said rival. Mud sticks.
I want him to be angry. He has every right to be. And I desperately want Ilya to support him. Yeah, the Centaurs gave him a soft landing, but it still isnât fair that he needed one. That his team, management, and fans of a decade turned on him the very first time he did something that didnât fit the sexless hockey robot image theyâd built in their heads.
That they got outed and couldnât control the narrative because Hayden couldnât take two minutes to play back that stupid birthday video before sending it to fucking Brad. Brad, who posted it to fucking Twitter like Shane kissing his fiancĂŠ was the next Watergate.
Get angry, Shane. You have every right to be.
I see a lot of posts about how Shane feels at Ilya becoming his parent's favorite, and how he would love or resent it or have a complicated relationship with it or--
Guys it's not true. It's a running joke. They're using it to reassure Ilya that they like him a lot (which is why Shane loves it) but it's not like. Real. Shane is their favorite. They spend a lot of time with Ilya and they truly enjoy his company and love him but Shane is their baby. He's the favorite. That's the joke. If it was true they wouldn't say it, they're saying because everyone there knows it's a joke.
Like, I'm sorry, but if Hollanov has a bad break-up the Hollanders are OUT. They'll be nice if they run into each other in the supermarket, or something, but there is not going to be further contact. Ilya is not going to come over for puzzles anymore. Unless Shane and him have kids when they break up, which would be a whole different animal, Ilya would lose Hollander rights and become a family friend they don't have contact with. Because his role in the family is to be Shane's partner, and as much as they love him, they're always going to choose Shane.
Shane is Yuna's favorite son and everyone involved knows it and approves 100%
I'm still shocked by how many people don't seem to fully understand this, and that's a big part of why some of us are very against the whole "Ilya has Shane's parents for his support system and that's so cute" because they are Shane's parents first.
Yes, it's lovely that they get along with Ilya and genuinely care about him, but if at any point Shane and Ilya broke up, Ilya would not have David and Yuna in his life any longer.
We even see it to a degree in TLG. When Shane and Ilya have the fight, despite all the jokes about "Ilya is Yuna's favorite son" (which was so obviously a passing joke comment), it's Shane who gets to call Yuna and talk about what happened between the two of them. Ilya does not get to talk to either David or Yuna. He has no thoughts of contacting either of them. Shane gets their support. And honestly, Yuna's not overly sympathetic to Ilya either when she's giving Shane the advice she gives him. If Ilya had called her, I don't think he would have been given more support or even as much support as what she gave Shane (which honestly, wasn't fantastic either).
happy pride everyone <3
#happypridemonth

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Are you gay or bi?
Iâm very aro-ace â¤ď¸ my spirit is perverted and lesbian but the flesh is non-practicing
Just thinking about Ilya making the playoffs for the first time with the Cens and getting texts from Yuna and David about it.
Yuna's one is like, "HOLY SHIT THE CENTAURS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! I never thought I'd be so excited to say that. đ This is such a huge achievement and I couldn't be more proud of you! This means I'm finally going to have to cave and by an Ottawa jersey. Don't tell David I told you, but he's still drying his eyes about it. Bubbly when you and Shane come over on Saturday for SURE, okay? Love you lots. SO proud."
And David's is like, "You did it, Cap! I know how hard you worked for this and it's paid off. We'll be cheering you on for every game. I am so unbelievably proud of you, kiddo. Love you lots - can't wait to see you and Shane on Saturday."
And Ilya just sits there unable to breathe because he's never had a text like this after making the playoffs except maybe from Svetlana. He replies to the messages, eyes blurry with tears, and spends the rest of the night opening them at random times, just overwhelmed by how loved he truly is.
Yeah i'll share it again
The Cens are in the locker room after a pretty light practice, the season not yet in full swing, and the topic turns to married life, as it often does.
Ilya and Shane mostly stay quiet, giving each other pointed looks when Bood and Wyatt swap stories about their fucking awesome wives. That is untilâŚ
âYeah but like, Roz and Hollzy have the most ideal situation.â
Thereâs a mix of eyebrow raising and general murmurs of agreement, half of the team unsure if this is Holmbergâs way of coming out.
âWhat do you mean?â Shane asks, ever one to ignore a social rule.
âYou spend all day together kicking ass and being the best at hockey, and then you get to go home together and be and love and shit but also still talk hockey.â Holmberg sighs and stares into his locker a little wistfully. âI wish I was gay so I could have a hockey husband.â
The team is quiet for a minute, some of the younger members nodding in sage agreement. Bood even looks like itâs an intriguing idea.
âWhy donât you date a PWHL player?â
Wyatt says it with it much fuss, shoving his pads into his bag unceremoniously. Holms, however, looks like heâs just been struck by lightning.
âSay that again.â
Wyatt turns to the kid, eyebrows raised like heâs confused by the reaction.
âYou know that the PWHL exists, right?â
Holmsberg is too thunderstruck to scoff.
âYeah. The Charge. TheyâreâŚoh my god.â
And thus starts the social media scrolling to figure out which Charge players are 1) single, 2) in Holms age range, and 3) into men
Just imagining Ilya admitting to Shane during their first year as a couple post-cottage, that it's always been his dream to have an arcade in his house one day, because it was so rare that he was ever allowed to go to one growing up. And Shane immediately starts secretly reaching out to his contractors, asking how possible it would be to build an extension on his games room. For the rest of the year, Shane spends every free moment checking the building progress, sourcing machines, finding people to restore the ones that are a little beat up, pushing to get everything done before the season ends.
He gets to the cottage a day before Ilya's due to arrive to get all the groceries and snacks they'd need for their two weeks, but also to check the new arcade and it's absolutely perfect. He's so excited going to fetch Ilya he can barely contain himself. He thinks that he'll like it, but there's a small part of his mind that's like is it too much though?
"Excited to be going back?" Ilya asks, taking the hand Shane's been nervously drumming against the wheel. And Shane can't even really speak. He just nods, and brings Ilya's hand up to his lips to kiss it.
When they get to the cottage, Ilya immediately starts dragging him off in the direction of the bedroom, and Shane digs his heels in. Ilya turns around looking concerned.
"Something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," says Shane, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I just have something to show you and I'm not going to be able to think about anything else until I do. Come with me."
Ilya only looks marginally less worried as Shane leads him to the games room.
"See anything new?" he asks, and Ilya dutifully looks around for anything that looks different from last time.
"You have bookshelves now," says Ilya. "I did not know we would be doing so much reading this time."
And Shane laughs and tells him to take a closer look. When Ilya approaches the bookshelf and notices the little wooden loon, Shane knows his plan will work. As soon as Ilya tries to pick it up, presumably to chirp him about it, it tips and the bookshelf springs forward on one side. Ilya turns back to Shane looking like a kid at Christmas.
"You have a secret room now? A sex dungeon? My Shane, are you planning to do wicked things to me in here for the next two weeks?"
"Just go look, asshole," Shane laughs, following Ilya into the room, heart catching when Ilya sees it for the first time.
"An arcade?" he asks, awestruck. "You have an arcade?"
"You have an arcade. Or, I mean, we have an arcade." Ilya turns to look at him. "I know you've always wanted one and I want the cottage to be yours as much as it's mine so I, uhâ"
And that's all he can say for the next few minutes because suddenly he finds himself crowded against a claw game being kissed to within an inch of his life.
"You're so fucking crazy, Hollander," says Ilya when they eventually part, pressing his forehead to Shane's. "A fucking secret arcade. Thank you, lyubimyy. I don't even know how to say it. Just thank you. I love you and your big crazy heart so fucking much."
And Shane laughs and presses a small kiss to his lips.
"Happy anniversary, baby. I love you too."

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i am so tired of hearing politicians talk about california high-speed rail like it was a huge stupid mistake. the reason it hasn't gone anywhere isn't because it was a bad idea, it's because politicians aren't investing in it because they don't give a shit. it took twelve fucking years after it was approved by the legislature for it to even show up on the ballot, and it's been another eighteen since then. thirty fucking years to barely break ground on one fucking train line!!! transportation in the united states is decades behind every other country of remotely comparable size and it's not for any reason other than a complete lack of political will. to get from my home in san diego to san franciscoâthat is, to travel between two of the largest destinations in the country, which are about 500 miles apart in essentially a straight lineâtakes me about 7 to 8 hours of driving, but when i enter it into amtrak's trip planner the shortest route it gives me is over 13 hours, and most of the options it gives me require me to spend over half the trip on a bus. (lest anyone think i'm deliberately nerfing the numbers by picking san francisco, whose geography makes it tricky to reach directly by train, i also ran the options for sacramento, which is about the same distance but more directly accessible. there were more options, including some that don't require buses, but the fastest route is still almost 12½ hours long, and even those without buses still require transfers because the only amtrak route leaving san diego ends in san luis obispo đ)
meanwhile, to get from paris to barcelona, which is approximately the same distance as the crow flies and probably even a little bit longer than sdâsf on the actual route, takes less than 7 hours. beijing to xi'an, which is actually a bit longer of a distance (closer to 650 miles), has trains taking as little as 4 hours and 10 minutes. it is extremely doable. politicians who call it a "boondoggle" are lying. (where do you even hear the word "boondoggle" outside of politicians complaining about spending money on anything other than bombs?) california high speed rail isn't a wasteful pipe dream. it is a vital necessity that is being needlessly murdered by a political system that does not serve the public good
Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum
This hands down the best comment in the notes, I will not be taking criticism.