You all just want me for my mediocre posts and my unremarkable penis

all those posts about being vulnerable are just trying to trick me to come out there so a bird can swoop down & eat me

guess who just found out the difference between wax paper and parchment paper the hard way

wait what’s the difference?

one you can use in the oven safely and the other you can also use in the oven if the thing you are trying to make happens to be fire

"Quick" "easy" "lazy" recipes love to pretend that prep and cleanup occur within a pocket dimension outside time and space.

every day i get a little madder about the ‘dream job’ narrative… all i want is to have a job that benefits society somewhat, doesn’t abuse me, and lets me live a happy life outside of my job lol. jobs should not be (and arguably can’t be) cosmic destinies and identities

*walks up to a couple* so which one of you is the cheetah and which one of you is the golden retriever who keeps the cheetah from stressing themselves to death

OP that's not even a full horse. You've literally only looked at the feet.

maybe one day we will be brave enough to lift our eyes and look, trembling, at the rest of the horse. not today, though. today, these are all the facts we have about horses.

Yet another summer without a harem of hairy men in tiny underwear to fan me with palm fronds

I have a disease called I want to text you so much but I have no idea what I would even write

i have a similar one called i want more contact but I'm afraid I'm being overbearing so I'll just wait for you to start

I have autism

Thagomizer or not, it'd probably still be about as peaceful as other large herbivores in the class - the cape buffalo, or the joyful hippopotamus.

what would i Even dm my moots like Hello Internet Friend