im a protected species you fucking asshole

Not that I think all marriages are doomed but when deciding who to marry you should ask yourself “is this someone I’d want to divorce?” As in, is this someone I believe would be mature and fair, even when they’re upset and don’t particularly like me at the moment. Is this someone I could continue to trust while going through an adversarial process? And if the answer is no, don’t marry them.

not to be vague but.

Mitch McConnell has been sent to a nice farm out in the country where there's lots of open space to run around and lots of other senators for him to play with

can we send him to the glue factory instead

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

you are just cranky because i took something imperceptible from you and you cannot recall it in its absence but you feel the edges of it anyway

People on the internet love to criticize work by Some Guy putting stuff up online for free like it's made by Disney Studios, and talk about Disney movies like they're made by their personal friend Amy, who is just trying her best,

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

truthberry (makes you tell the truth) vs lieberry (gives you an immediate understanding of the dewey decimal system)