Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1990)
Tell me why I can’t stop thinking about them
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Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1990)
Tell me why I can’t stop thinking about them

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Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard
hamlet: be even and direct with me whether you were sent for or no
rosencrantz and guildenstern: my lord, we were sent for
hamlet:
i know we joke a lot about our “last two brain cells” but tom stoppard actually went and wrote a play about them

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r&g in hamlet: gay rights
r&g in r&gad: gay rights bass boosted
yes, rosencrantz and guildenstern are gay, but rosencrantz and guildenstern are also dumbasses. the fact that they’re dumbasses is JUST as important as the fact that they’re gay. in this essay, i will
[ROSENCRANTZ]: Do you think death is like a boat?
[GUILDENSTERN]:

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rosencrantz and guildenstern played by eric andre and hannibal buress
“We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.”
— Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead (via books-n-quotes)
tom stoppard: step one. make sure your hamlet fanfic play isn’t gay
tom stoppard, on the first fucking page:
tom stoppard: failed step one
the best scene in r&gad is when rosencrantz calls guildenstern “my dear rosencrantz.” luckily this happens about seven times
this one is my favorite

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guildenstern: are you deaf?
rosencrantz: am i dead?
me:
Verbal tennis, anyone?
Rosencrantz: We could play at questions…
Guildenstern: What good would that do?
Rosencrantz: Practise.
Guildenstern: Statement! One-love.
Rosencrantz: Cheating!
Guildenstern: How?
Rosencrantz: I hadn’t started yet.
Guildenstern: Statement. Two-love.
Rosencrantz: Are you counting that?
Guildenstern: What?
Rosencrantz: Are you counting that?
Guildenstern: Foul! No repetitions. Three-love. First game to….
Rosencrantz: I’m not going to play if you’re going to be like that.
Guildenstern: Whose serve?
Rosencrantz: Hah?
Guildenstern: Foul! No grunts. Love-one.
Rosencrantz: Whose go?
Guildenstern: Why?
Rosencrantz: Why not?
Guildenstern: What for?
Rosencrantz: Foul! No synonyms! One-all.
Guildenstern: What in God’s name is going on?
Rosencrantz: Foul! No rhetoric. Two-one.
Guildenstern: What does it all add up to?
Rosencrantz: Can’t you guess?
Guildenstern: Were you addressing me?
Rosencrantz: Is there anyone else?
Guildenstern: Who?
Rosencrantz: How would I know?
Guildenstern: Why do you ask?
Rosencrantz: Are you serious?
Guildenstern: Was that rhetoric?
Rosencrantz: No.
Guildenstern: Statement! Two-all. Game point.
Rosencrantz: What’s the matter with you today?
Guildenstern: When?
Rosencrantz: What?
Guildenstern: Are you deaf?
Rosencrantz: Am I dead?
Guildenstern: Yes or no?
Rosencrantz: Is there a choice?
Guildenstern: Is there a God?
Rosencrantz: Foul! No non-sequiturs, three-two, one game all.
Guildenstern: What’s your name?
Rosencrantz: What’s yours?
Guildenstern: I asked first.
Rosencrantz: Statement. One-love.
Guildenstern: What’s your name when you’re at home?
Rosencrantz: Is it different at home?
Guildenstern: What home?
Rosencrantz: Haven’t you got one?
Guildenstern: Why do you ask?
Rosencrantz: What are you driving at?
Guildenstern: What’s your name?!
Rosencrantz: Repetition. Two-love. Match point to me.
Guildenstern: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
Rosencrantz: Rhetoric! Game and match!