problems on purpose

baby girl I don't know what that acronym means. it would be so sexy of you to write out that piece of media's name in its entirety. Just the one time for momma please.

Hey so last night I was really drunk and I inverted your dog. yeah he's now everything he once wasn't, and no part of him is retained from his former self. But you can see glimpses of what he once was in the reflection of what he's become so thats cool.

I just had sex with hello neighbor.

this same regular asks if we're hiring at least twice a week. the real answer is virtually always yes but none of the managers will give him the time of day because he never cleans his table up after himself. The interview really does begin the second you walk through that door...

times are tough i know but we all fantasise about running you over. you don't want to work here. we'll cook you. you'll be food. we'll sell you.

apparently he's been doing this longer than any current members of staff have actually been here. leave.

god it would be awesome if the human brain could just ignore an upsetting thing instead of constantly wandering back to it for no fucking reason

i recently found out what the * * * that sometimes separates parts of a text is called and youre never gonna fucking believe it

I love living in 2026 because I go to Home Depot and buy a 5-gallon bucket for $4. I say I do not want an email receipt. They know my email anyway because I once ordered a mop online. They email me to ask how I like my 5-gallon bucket. I do not reply. They email me again. They would like my feedback. Reminder ‼️I have purchases to review. Did my 5 gallon bucket live up to my expectations? 3 minute survey!!