kind of warm like a microwave

8/8 teams complete!

bottom ten team: we have just paid a player that no one has ever heard of TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS

jason robertson: no i dont want to be paid 15 million dollars by YOU. who want me tho? no fr who want me?

ducks: we HATE our group

canes: we LOVE our group

half the league: captains? anyone want to be the new captain? no?

kings: i am going to pay a random 40-year-old 8 million dollars a year. yes this is getting us a cup

kraken: well fuck me i guess. worth a shot

connor bedard: i am going to KILL MYSELF

mike grier: well they dont call me big money mike for no reason. you get 8 mil and you get 8 mil and everyone gets 8 mil except for the guys who were alr on the team!

panthers + also gleb for some reason: i am going to KILL EVERYONE ELSE

habs: oui oui puppies! and kittens! and rainbows! and every one of them gets a choco chunk cookie (reasonable contract and term).

danny briere to his ex situationship: "hey... time to run it back... no fr tho... u still want me?" *crickets* "ok watch me money spread. you want me now?"

everyones goalies for some reason: "bye"

elliotte FUCKING friedman: your favorite fourth liner just got sent to HELL for future considerations

the closest thing to real soulmates you can find

we fought in the same trenches and have a warrior's bond that carries over into every stage of life

friend i sit next to in every class and pass notes to/whisper to constantly

academic peer/colleague that i respect and have a little intellectual crush on

neighbour in the same apartment block that i say hi to on the stairs

neighbour across the street who i wave at every morning and evening

we're regulars at the same bar

Not “My brother is terrible”

It’s “My brother is scared” and it’s because he’s scared that he acts terrible.

From what the audience has seen of his brother, he doesn’t deserve that kind of grace from Ilya. And yet, Ilya can look beyond his brother’s actions and words and see what’s at the core of him: a scared boy.

And then Ilya says, “It makes me terrible back.” Ilya doesn’t give himself the grace of saying something like, “I’m scared too. And it makes me terrible back.” Only that he acted terribly back at his brother. Yet all we’ve seen from Ilya is give his brother chance after chance and the only time we’ve seen him snap was when his brother insulted Svetlana.

for the record this is like 70% “i thought it was funny,” 15% boredom, 10% 2026 draft lottery trauma, and 5% continued efforts to stake our claim as most cursed team. anyway, cursed canucks web weave!!!