Little Miss Milksop

when this post came up on my dash my eyes skipped over the sound file and read the caption and thought “someone should make this sound* and then I looked up and felt like I had made a wish on a monkeys paw

America, history has its eyes on you. The Midterm Elections will be held on November 6, meaning you must register to vote by the end of September. Some states are more lenient than others, but there is no reason to delay! If you think you’re already registered, check your registration here: https://www.vote.org/am-i-registered-to-vote/ If you need to register, register to vote here: https://www.vote.org/register-to-vote/ You have a little more than ten weeks left to register. Again, your state may be lenient but the history books will not, do not delay, do it now!

THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS

hmm… i’ve been drinking soda and my body’s rust free… not sure where youre getting your facts from…

I hate hearing stories about how someone cheated but the other person forgave them and now they’re even more in love and lived happily ever after, it’s propaganda and I don’t care

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life

i’m tired of male filmmakers who have a ‘realistic’ aka pessimistic outlook on life and who include a bunch of sex scenes in their films being called geniuses i’m bored of it

SOME GOOD TASTY TEA

how have i never heard of archive.org until today.. it’s an internet library that functions just like a real one, as in you borrow the books for 2 weeks and then they are returned to the archive. you can dl pdfs as well, but you’ll lose access after the 2 week period. it’s all free tho, literally just like a real library. i was searching for a cheap copy of this serial murder book from the 90s for my thesis and i found it for free on here. there’s like.. no gimmick at all? i’m so amazed. i literally just signed up and now i’m reading a super hq scan of this book for free. i love libraries.

wholesome

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”